Like Ben, I left that whole place in my rearview
If there's one thing that really ruins a day, it's getting fired. Yeah, I know, what a big surprise, right? The big day occurred last week, Thursday to be exact. Technically I was fired on July 15 but they were gracious enough to let me continue to go to work and get paid for the last 2 1/2 months while I searched for "something new." Unfortunately, due to the awful economy and my general disinterest in continuing the same career path, right now "something new" is unemployment and The Persnickety Project.
The weird thing is that getting fired sucks even when you don't really like what you're doing. Despite the vague feeling of relief and excitement about maybe pursuing something more fulfilling, it still freakin SUCKS. BIG TIME. It's like some sort of employment Stockholm Syndrome.
So, my Thursday was ruined by the whole being fired thing and not even Ben Affleck's acting - and by acting I mean slightly jutting his jaw out and talking without any affect for 2 hours - in "The Town" could salvage it.
The good news is, of course, that now I have even more time to think and write about useless topics like fantasy football. Oh lucky you! So enough serious talk, let's move on to overreacting about the performances of strangers and their impact on our fictional football teams.
1. The Dogkiller, QB, Philadelphia Eagles;
We're already on record with our thoughts about The Dogkiller (to the extent that saying something on a blog that virtually nobody reads qualifies as being "on record"), but our argument didn't even take into account the thing that undermined his performance on Sunday - injuries. Obviously, a massive oversight on our part. One of the reasons why running QBs don't usually see great success in the NFL is that when a 200 lb quarterbacks get hit by the monsters roaming the defensive side of the ball, injuries are inevitable. That's just what happened early in Sunday's contest when The Dogkiller got sandwiched between two converging defenders on a nifty little run. Word out of Eagles camp today is that he its only a cartilage injury (no broken bones), Vick seems likely to miss several weeks. While injuries are part of the fantasy game, the owners who were blinded by two stellar starting performances (averaging fantasy 30 pts) must have been stunned when their chances of victory when kaput after 4 fantasy point outing (unless, of course, you league is dumb and uses "Team Qbs", which is just, well, dumb). To those owners, all we can say is that's what you get for trusting a man who electrocutes pooches.
2. Offense, Chicago Bears;
As much as we'd love to sit here and say that the Giants defense was the sole, or even main, reason for the Bears' putrid offensive production on Sunday night - 110 total yards (51 passing) - it's just as likely that it was a product of the Bears' offensive shortcomings. They suffered a complete breakdown in protecting their QBs (yeah they had to use 3 after Cutler went down with a concussion and Todd Collins got jacked up as well), couldn't run the ball and looked nothing like the team that had been so prolific so thus far this season (at least in the passing game). A brief look at the numbers bangs the point straight home: Cutler - 42 yards and a pick, Forte - 33 total yards on 14 touches, Knox - 1 catch for 26 yards, and Greg Olsen - 5 for 39. They fell apart almost as completely as CSI after Grissom left (Morpheus just ain't cutting it). On behalf of all fantasy owners, we give a big fat suck it to Mike Martz.
3. LaDanian Tomlinson, RB, New York Jets;
Hey LT, what the fuck? Where has this been for the last two years. We traded for you in 2008 right before you fell off the cliff, kept you hoping for a comeback last year, traded you for peanuts after you continued to blow, and wrote you off completely this year. Now you've got some burst back from, according to Peter King, spending the off-season running through the lush pastures of New Jersey (apparently dodging cow patties is the new hot workout to improve agility and explosiveness)? While we hope that everyone continues to avoid the natural overreaction to say that LT is "back", it does look like he's not completely cooked as his production has increased steadily each week (along with his carries) culminating in a 133 yard, 2 TD performance in Week 4. At the same time, he's almost completely submarined the fantasy production of pre-season darling Shonn Greene (we'll dub that the "Thomas Jones"). Thanks a lot, jerk.
The weird thing is that getting fired sucks even when you don't really like what you're doing. Despite the vague feeling of relief and excitement about maybe pursuing something more fulfilling, it still freakin SUCKS. BIG TIME. It's like some sort of employment Stockholm Syndrome.
So, my Thursday was ruined by the whole being fired thing and not even Ben Affleck's acting - and by acting I mean slightly jutting his jaw out and talking without any affect for 2 hours - in "The Town" could salvage it.
The good news is, of course, that now I have even more time to think and write about useless topics like fantasy football. Oh lucky you! So enough serious talk, let's move on to overreacting about the performances of strangers and their impact on our fictional football teams.
1. The Dogkiller, QB, Philadelphia Eagles;
We're already on record with our thoughts about The Dogkiller (to the extent that saying something on a blog that virtually nobody reads qualifies as being "on record"), but our argument didn't even take into account the thing that undermined his performance on Sunday - injuries. Obviously, a massive oversight on our part. One of the reasons why running QBs don't usually see great success in the NFL is that when a 200 lb quarterbacks get hit by the monsters roaming the defensive side of the ball, injuries are inevitable. That's just what happened early in Sunday's contest when The Dogkiller got sandwiched between two converging defenders on a nifty little run. Word out of Eagles camp today is that he its only a cartilage injury (no broken bones), Vick seems likely to miss several weeks. While injuries are part of the fantasy game, the owners who were blinded by two stellar starting performances (averaging fantasy 30 pts) must have been stunned when their chances of victory when kaput after 4 fantasy point outing (unless, of course, you league is dumb and uses "Team Qbs", which is just, well, dumb). To those owners, all we can say is that's what you get for trusting a man who electrocutes pooches.
2. Offense, Chicago Bears;
As much as we'd love to sit here and say that the Giants defense was the sole, or even main, reason for the Bears' putrid offensive production on Sunday night - 110 total yards (51 passing) - it's just as likely that it was a product of the Bears' offensive shortcomings. They suffered a complete breakdown in protecting their QBs (yeah they had to use 3 after Cutler went down with a concussion and Todd Collins got jacked up as well), couldn't run the ball and looked nothing like the team that had been so prolific so thus far this season (at least in the passing game). A brief look at the numbers bangs the point straight home: Cutler - 42 yards and a pick, Forte - 33 total yards on 14 touches, Knox - 1 catch for 26 yards, and Greg Olsen - 5 for 39. They fell apart almost as completely as CSI after Grissom left (Morpheus just ain't cutting it). On behalf of all fantasy owners, we give a big fat suck it to Mike Martz.
3. LaDanian Tomlinson, RB, New York Jets;
Hey LT, what the fuck? Where has this been for the last two years. We traded for you in 2008 right before you fell off the cliff, kept you hoping for a comeback last year, traded you for peanuts after you continued to blow, and wrote you off completely this year. Now you've got some burst back from, according to Peter King, spending the off-season running through the lush pastures of New Jersey (apparently dodging cow patties is the new hot workout to improve agility and explosiveness)? While we hope that everyone continues to avoid the natural overreaction to say that LT is "back", it does look like he's not completely cooked as his production has increased steadily each week (along with his carries) culminating in a 133 yard, 2 TD performance in Week 4. At the same time, he's almost completely submarined the fantasy production of pre-season darling Shonn Greene (we'll dub that the "Thomas Jones"). Thanks a lot, jerk.
4. Anyone Associated the Running of the Ball, Denver Broncos;
By everyone, we mean EVERYONE. Screw them all. Josh McDaniels for only calling 20 runs (to 50 passes). Corell Buckhalter for stinking. Knowshon Moreno for being injured. Finally, Laurence Maroney for deserving to be dead. 19 yards on 20 carries is all this crew of crap could muster. Some of us fondly remember the days when Denver's running game racked up 1,000 yard rushers like Lindsay Lohan gets DUIs (we sure do miss Olandis Gary, Mike Anderson and even Ruben Droughns) but those days are long gone.
5. Steve Smith, WR, Carolina Panthers;
Despite missing the preseason with a broken forearm suffered in a flag football game (apparently real football isn't enough competition for Little Stevie, he needs to whup on a bunch of 40ish weekend warriors to get his fix), Smith started the season strong with TDs in his first two games but since Jimmy Clausen took over for the abomination known as Matt Moore, he's really tailed off with a combined 5 catches for 33 yards in the last two games. To top it off, he left Sunday's game with a high ankle sprain and may miss some time. While any realistic owner certainly didn't expect a return to 2005 heights (103, 1563 yards, 12 TDs) it seems unlikely that he even gets back to his 88 catch, 1,000 yard levels at this point. Not good if he's your #1 receiver.
6. Ray Rice, RB, Baltimore Ravens;
As a Rutgers alum and undying lover of all things Rice (pilaf, pudding, cakes, A-Roni), its extremely painful to have to say this but Ray-Ray ruined a bunch of days on Sunday. at 12:55 Sunday, Yahoo! advised us to "deploy him as we usually would." Apparently, the Ravens didn't read the same update and gave him only 8 carries. Rice rewarded owners with a much-needed 20 yards. The Remains of Willis McGahee got the majority of the carries and scored the only Raven rushing TD. Rice has been off to a slow start this year having yet to break 100 yards or score a TD. We can only hope he breaks out of the slump soon and goes back to doing his normal thing, with Rutgers playing so poorly we don't think we could stand the pain.
7. Mike Sims-Walker, WR, Jacksonville Jaguars;
Much like our good friend Devin Aromashodu, MSW has been a gigantic bust. Take out the 10 catch, 105 yard week 2 performance and MSW's average of .66 catches and 11 yards per game is the equivalent of a GSW to your line-up every week. Time to cut bait.
8. Ryan Matthews, RB, San Diego;
Let's get this straight, Matthews, the running back who the Chargers traded up to get in the draft and was supposed to be Norv Turner's proof that LT was the problem with the Chargers' running game, was healthy enough to play but Mike Tolbert still gets the bulk of the carries and the associated 100 yards. If we owned Matthews we'd start wondering if the best we could hope for the rest of the season is a time share.
9. Beanie Wells & Tim Hightower, RBs, Arizona Cardinals;
Speaking of time shares, apparently Hightower was productive enough during Beanie's injury absence to ensure that they would both be complete and utter wastes now that they're both healthy. All off-season we heard about how the Cards were going to run the ball more with Warner gone and Wells was primed for a breakout season, but thus far the results have been mixed and if they are anywhere as bad as they looked against the Chargers they might not keep many games close enough to have a prayer of establishing the run.
10. Randy Moss, WR, New England Patriots;
0 catches. 1 target. Not much more to say, except we're a little worried and hoping Moss hasn't quit on the Pats for not giving him a new contract.
11. Zach Miller, TE, Oakland Raiders;
There was somebody in your league who has Witten as their starting TE and was looking for a bye-week replacement on Wednesday. After hemming and hawing over Chris Cooley, Greg Olsen and Miller, that guy chose Miller (despite really wanting to pick Cooley) and proceeded to beat you on the strength of his 11 catch, 122 yard, 1 TD performance. Oh wait, that was us. Sorry Bagelboys, Zach Miller ruined your f'n day.
Honorable Mentions: Andre Johnson, WR, Houston Texans; Pierre Thomas, RB, New Orleans Saints;
Two words: Late Scratches. Makes you want to claw your own eyes out. Forget competitive advantages for the real teams, coaches must respect our fantasy obsessions. Damn them!!
GUYS TO GET (Get these guys)
1. Ryan Torain, RB, Washington Redskins;
Torain filled in ably after Clinton Portis left with an injured groin on Sunday. While it was nothing spectacular, his 70 yards on 18 carries and a TD should be enough to get everyones attention and rank high on your list of pick-ups. It's also worth noting that Torain was originally drafted out of Arizona State by Mike Shannahan while he was in Denver so they have some history. Washington probably won't run the ball prolifically enough to make him a stud but starting RBs are tough to come by during the season so if Portis' injury lingers, don't let Torain do the same on the waiver wire.
2. Michael Bush, RB, Oakland Raiders;
Before a thumb injury forced him out of action for the first few weeks of the season, Darren McFadden's breakout season was supposed to belong to Michael Bush. Now, with McFadden injuring his hamstring, Bush may have the chance to reclaim his chance at fantasy ascension. Bush has been a deep sleeper for many years and possesses the combination of size and speed that could make him a real factor in the league. Despite the reputation for not being a good offense, the Raiders have shown a knack for running the ball the last two seasons so if he gets the carriers, expect production.
3. Mark Sanchez, QB, New York Jets;
Ohh, the Sanchize, maybe the most over hyped player in the league. Normally we wouldn't recommend grabbing a QB in a run-first offense who hasn't topped 260 yards this season but, while he's hot ad you need a bye week fill-in, you could do a lot worse then a guy who has thrown 8 TDs in the last 3 weeks. Sure, he prone to have an awful game soon but we might as well enjoy it while the production somewhat matches the hype.
4. Brandon Lloyd, WR, Denver Broncos;
Are you not impressed? Are 3 games with 115 yards or more enough to convince you that this guy should be on somebody's roster? Can we ask more rhetorical questions? He might be a jerk who's been cut many times and burned you before BUT he's the main guy in a throwing offense and has good chemistry with Kyle Orton. He's 6th in the league in targets for whatevers-sake. Pick him up and use him. Jabbar Gaffney also deserves a look.
5. Lance Moore, WR, New Orleans Saints;
Remember him? Moore caught 79 passes for almost 1,000 yards and 10 TDs two years ago before missing most of last season with injuries. Now, he's back and looking like a favorite of Drew Brees. In the last two weeks he's caught 3 TDs and had one monster game (6 for 149, 2 TDs). He's not a weekly starter but he's a nice match-up play and could help you down the line if the Saints' offense gets back on track.
6. Danny Amendola, WR, St. Louis Rams;
This one is admittedly sketchy but with 21 receptions, Amendola is 21st in the league (how symmetrical) so he has some value in PPR leagues. Sam Bradford is developing meaning that St. Louis might not be the fantasy wasteland we had all feared.
7. BenJarvus Green-Ellis or Danny Woodhead, RB, New England Patriots;
There was somebody in your league who has Witten as their starting TE and was looking for a bye-week replacement on Wednesday. After hemming and hawing over Chris Cooley, Greg Olsen and Miller, that guy chose Miller (despite really wanting to pick Cooley) and proceeded to beat you on the strength of his 11 catch, 122 yard, 1 TD performance. Oh wait, that was us. Sorry Bagelboys, Zach Miller ruined your f'n day.
Honorable Mentions: Andre Johnson, WR, Houston Texans; Pierre Thomas, RB, New Orleans Saints;
Two words: Late Scratches. Makes you want to claw your own eyes out. Forget competitive advantages for the real teams, coaches must respect our fantasy obsessions. Damn them!!
GUYS TO GET (Get these guys)
1. Ryan Torain, RB, Washington Redskins;
Torain filled in ably after Clinton Portis left with an injured groin on Sunday. While it was nothing spectacular, his 70 yards on 18 carries and a TD should be enough to get everyones attention and rank high on your list of pick-ups. It's also worth noting that Torain was originally drafted out of Arizona State by Mike Shannahan while he was in Denver so they have some history. Washington probably won't run the ball prolifically enough to make him a stud but starting RBs are tough to come by during the season so if Portis' injury lingers, don't let Torain do the same on the waiver wire.
2. Michael Bush, RB, Oakland Raiders;
Before a thumb injury forced him out of action for the first few weeks of the season, Darren McFadden's breakout season was supposed to belong to Michael Bush. Now, with McFadden injuring his hamstring, Bush may have the chance to reclaim his chance at fantasy ascension. Bush has been a deep sleeper for many years and possesses the combination of size and speed that could make him a real factor in the league. Despite the reputation for not being a good offense, the Raiders have shown a knack for running the ball the last two seasons so if he gets the carriers, expect production.
3. Mark Sanchez, QB, New York Jets;
Ohh, the Sanchize, maybe the most over hyped player in the league. Normally we wouldn't recommend grabbing a QB in a run-first offense who hasn't topped 260 yards this season but, while he's hot ad you need a bye week fill-in, you could do a lot worse then a guy who has thrown 8 TDs in the last 3 weeks. Sure, he prone to have an awful game soon but we might as well enjoy it while the production somewhat matches the hype.
4. Brandon Lloyd, WR, Denver Broncos;
Are you not impressed? Are 3 games with 115 yards or more enough to convince you that this guy should be on somebody's roster? Can we ask more rhetorical questions? He might be a jerk who's been cut many times and burned you before BUT he's the main guy in a throwing offense and has good chemistry with Kyle Orton. He's 6th in the league in targets for whatevers-sake. Pick him up and use him. Jabbar Gaffney also deserves a look.
5. Lance Moore, WR, New Orleans Saints;
Remember him? Moore caught 79 passes for almost 1,000 yards and 10 TDs two years ago before missing most of last season with injuries. Now, he's back and looking like a favorite of Drew Brees. In the last two weeks he's caught 3 TDs and had one monster game (6 for 149, 2 TDs). He's not a weekly starter but he's a nice match-up play and could help you down the line if the Saints' offense gets back on track.
6. Danny Amendola, WR, St. Louis Rams;
This one is admittedly sketchy but with 21 receptions, Amendola is 21st in the league (how symmetrical) so he has some value in PPR leagues. Sam Bradford is developing meaning that St. Louis might not be the fantasy wasteland we had all feared.
7. BenJarvus Green-Ellis or Danny Woodhead, RB, New England Patriots;
Whoever is the starter in a given week, at least while Fred Taylor is injured (a semi-regular occurrence even in his prime). Another one in the category of any potential starting RB must be owned. Both Mr. 4 Names and Mr. Tiny Great White Hope can be useful in the right match-ups and might deserve a place on your roster. You can never trust the Pats to run the ball consistently but he should provide you with nice depth.
8. Mike Bell, RB, Philadelphia Eagles;
Apparently LeSean McCoy broke a rib on the sly during Sunday's game and is now out indefinitely. In his absence, Bell seems like he'll get the first shot at carries. Careful though, Andy Reid is tricky and you can never be quite sure if Bell will stay the go-to guy.
9. Fred Jackson, RB, Buffalo Bills;
It's hard to recommend someone, anyone, associated with the Bills but with news today that Marshawn Lynch is FINALLY on his way out of Buffalo (next stop - the Great Northwest and Camp Carroll). With Lynch gone, Jackson is in line for more carries (at worst he splits with the thus far ineffective C.J. Spiller) and has proven to be an effective and potentially dynamic runner in the past. Take a shot.
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