Post 44 - You Get Nothing. You Lose. Good Day Sir.

Evidently some poor bastard fell into a boiling vat of chocolate and died. It's Willy Wonka brought to life, bring on the funny NJ.comers ...

Posted by lightningman on 07/08/09 at 1:13PM
I know it is not good to laugh at other's misfortunes... But
this is the true case of 'Death by Chocolate' (as in ice-cream flavor).

Not only is the "death by chocolate" reference an exact copy of the comment before it on the page, but do people really think they're the only one who would think of it? More importantly, does the lightingman doubt so seriously that people would mistake his comment to imply that he was commenting literally that the man died by chocolate that he felt compelled to remind us all that he was referring the the ice-cream flavor. Guess his joke is headed down a "rocky-road" (as in ice cream flavor), maybe he should have let the joke go since it was such a "cupcake" (as in the minature cake-like dessert). Yuck.

Post 43 - Lost in translation because you're a moron

We're not from San Diego. But we've heard good things about it. Particularly an authentic South American restaurant called "El Q'ero":

I don't know much about being gay or what it is like to be gay in South America
but I presume it's fabulous. It is a little strange to me that you would name
your restaurant El Qero which from my best guess translates to "the Queer one"
in Spanish. Although I am not an expert in Romance languages so this is only an
assumption. I am definitely not homophobic since I once watched Will and Grace
and found it quite entertaining. I also have seen movies with Cher, most notably
"Mask" which was by far one of her best performances along with the "Turn Back
Time" music video. As far as El Qero goes the interior decorating was
phenomenal. Taking cues from from traditional south American styles and
accenting it with lush lighting and just the right color accents, I was
enveloped with a sense of relaxation and jubilant euphoria. The meal was
exceptional indeed. My lamb chops were a slice of heaven, and the pescado mi
mujera ordered was gorgeous. We ate some fried plantains for an appetizer and
they were sweet, probably better left for desert.

You know, we're not experts in romance languages either, but we think you're una idiota. We think that means "an idiot." And even if it doesn't, well that's what you are. A big one. But we're glad to hear you're not homophobic. How could you be when you like Cher and Will & Grace? That makes you totally gay friendly and not someone who completely buys into ridiculous stereotypes. We're the same way. That's why when you use words like "fabulous," "gorgeous," or "slice of heaven," and comment on the "accenting" and "lush lighting" of the decorating we totally believe that you don't know the slightest thing about being gay! That's just how open minded we are. Even so, we're not really sure we trust your review of El Q'Ero. Sure you gave it a rave, but it's coming from a guy who likes Cher and Will & Grace. Frankly, that makes your taste a little suspect.

Post 42 - New Jersey To Make it 25% More Expensive to Drown Your Sorrows

New Jersey lawmakers have proposed a 25% increase on the state alcohol tax to try to cover some ginormous budget holes. Predictably, restaurant owners are threatening to pass the costs on to their customers. Even more predictably, the commenting public was outraged .... and dumb.

Posted by 0707fornj on 06/09/09 at 1:14PM
Hopefuly they wont pass those tax Booze to those who dont consumme , cuz if i go to a restaurant i should not pay for the lossers and F** rs who drink .

Do they even serve beer at Chuck E. Cheese's? (damn they do http://www.chuckecheese.com/, have to come up with another "joke" about how this guy frequents crappy restaurants). Do they even serve beer at [insert crappy restaurant here]? Either way, our guess is this dipshit won't have to worry too much about the tax since he's no "losser" or "F**er". Wonder what the "**" stands for? "Faker" might be somewhat logical, but we're not sure why he'd star that one out. Oh, well, guess we'll never know. Fucker!!

Post 41 - There's No Crying In Baseball (Unless You're A Baby Being Used as a Bat)

A year or so ago, Jose Offerman, who apparently thinks he's a big deal because he played in the majors, got hit by a pitch in a minor league game. When a guy gets hit the normal reaction usually ranges from a stare down, maybe an expletive or two and very rarely a "fight" (anyone who's seen a bench clearing brawl understands that the term "fight" is used loosely). Mr. Offerman decided to forgo those pleasantries and chase down the pitcher WITH HIS BAT. The bad part came when the catcher tried to stop him only to be beaten about the head and neck. Not surprisingly he has some brain problems now. Totally, inexcusable right? Right?

balonbride wrote: It's a tough break for the kid, but Offerman was a major leaguer and deserved more respect. The pitcher deserves the blame here. As a minor leaguer, you don't throw at a guy who played in the Bigs.I hope this kids gets better. But we gotta cut Offie some slack.

We couldn't agree more Balonbride, anybody who lucks their way into being a scrub in the bigs should not be the subject of such disrespect of being hit with a baseball during a baseball game. A man in his position cannot be made to look ridiculous!!

acmebun wrote: Nathan should get more than what he is asking for. I think it is crazy that Offerman got to "snap for 10 seconds" and still live his life. People die when people "snap for 10 seconds" what if the bat was a gun? What if the bat was a baby? Nathan I wish you all the best and all the happiness. Offerman should be in jail.

What if the bat was a baby? Well, we'd guess that if Offerman was making a habit of trying to hit a baseball with a baby it might explain why he's back in the minors (it's really hard to square up a slider with that tiny baby skull, trust us). He would have looked pretty silly chasing after the pitcher with an infant in hand and the catcher probably wouldn't have gotten hurt as badly. So all in all, if the bat was a baby it would probably have been a much better outcome for everyone, exceot maybe the baby.

Post 40 - Hey Mom, You Just Faked Your Own Abduction, What Are You Going To Do Now?

By now everyone who reads our blog (i.e. us) has probably heard about the lady who made calls claiming that two black dudes had abducted her and her daughter, stuffing them in the trunk of a car. Too bad it was all a ruse. She was found at the Grand Floridian in Disney World, the happiest place on earth, wearing Mickey Mouse Ears (we may have made that last part up). Let's see what the NJ.com-ers had to say.

Posted by NJmomWife on 05/28/09 at 8:54AM
I for one am outraged that she did this. What was her motive?...Pity, attention or what? She should be ashamed of herself. My question is why didn't you take the other kids to Disney also...at least the 15 year old.
Her husband must be really embarrassed. Is their marriage in trouble? Regardless of her reasons for running off to Florida...she did not have to make up such a horrific story...just go! I hope they make an example of her so that people will realize that crying wolf in this way is unacceptable! Her ex-husband should be drawing up the custody papers as we speak...why would you want to allow your daughter to remain in her custody, she's clearly not stable.

Seriously, what a terrible parent! What kind of mother would take only one of her kids on a fake abduction? A selfish one that's who! Obviously she plays favorites, the 15 year old may never have a chance to ride the teacups. how sad, especially since her sister gets a lifetime worth of therapy to try to suppress her Pirates of the Caribbean memories.

Post 38 - Father Knows Worst

Author Eric Weinberg wrote a "humorous" piece about how he initially loved his second son, Julian, less than his first son, Ben. Apparently Mr. Weinberg was hoping for a girl the second time and was disappointed when he ended up with another son. He also felt like since he'd known his older son longer, he had a deeper connection with him. Now, in the end, the author said he does love his second son, but it seems like a lot of people are pretty disgusted the article was ever written and many of them don't find his attempts at humor to be funny:

Posted By: wildechild66 (May 15, 2009 at 3:43 PM)
While parental favoritism is sad and can have devastating effect on families, I don't think the author really loves his second son less than his eldest. In his own words, "When I say I don’t love Julian as much as Benjamin, I’m really saying I don’t know
him as well". It can be difficult to form a relationship with someone you don't
fully understand yet--just ask my father."

Well, we don't know your father, so we'll have to take your word on that one. But since you're a fully-formed adult we get why you might be complex and hard to understand. Julian, on the other hand? He's a BABY. He eats, sleeps, and poops. If there are people out there who find that hard to understand then maybe they shouldn't be having kids in the first place. And they probably shouldn't get a pet either. After all, we wouldn't want their heads to explode trying to decipher the intricacies of "meow" and "woof."

Of course, any message board discussion on...well, anything...wouldn't be complete with some not at all out of the blue and obviously very well thought out homophobia:

Posted By: Lola88 (May 24, 2009 at 3:36 PM)
I really hope you don’t make Julian a little gay boy or probably Ben due to the fact that you have such an obsession with a girl. Now I think God does *** for a reason maybe you don’t deserve to have a girl that you may become super obsess with and she can suffer her entire life....This type of comments can only come out of someone who doesn’t believe in nature, yes the last paragraph was kind of sugar coated but
still you suck....

Posted By: AmericaIsCrap (May 24, 2009 at 3:49 PM)
This guy is an idiot. Why bother getting married in an instution sanctioned by GOD, if you're not religious. Way to go! Gay rainbows? Now the second will also be treated as female! We have enough confused youths in America, now we glimpse into the psyche of the parents that not only allow this, but cause this confustion of our young politicians to be getting busted in bathroom stalls.

That's right. Unless you believe in God, there's absolutley no reason to get married. Love? Nope. Committment? Nope. Legal recognition of your relationship? Nope. Green card issues? We digress. But, really, with these kind of people getting married, it's no wonder so many of our poor, innocent, God-fearing politicians are getting busted having sex in bathroom stalls. It's because their parents got married when they didn't believe in God or nature (And, for the record, we didn't even know it was possible to not "believe in nature," but we're a little relieved since we always thought that whole air/sun/trees thing was some kind of vast liberal conspiracy) and told them stories involving rainbows! Okay, that last part is a little ridiculous. Rainbows? Really? That would mean that every kid who loved, say, The Wizard of Oz growing up was gonna be...oh, wait...nevermind.

Anyway, obviously this article is a bit controversial as everyone has a different opinion about what's appropriate to say about your kids and what's funny and what's not. As one poster says:

Posted By: Jute (May 15, 2009 at 6:30 PM)
afeafbcbc -Don't be concerned for those of us you deem non-understanding. Your opinion is simply different than mine. The younger brother not being around as long as the older brother and his gender issues are only a part of how the writer expressed his lack of love and his rejection of the second child. Sarcasm is not humorous to me.

Sarcasm not humorous to you? Shit. We got nothin'.

Post 37 - Segregation Through Recycling

It's 2008 and apparently the schools in Louisville haven't quite gotten around to finishing the whole "desegregation' thing. Apparently they didn't get the memo that schools were supposed to have been desegregated starting in 1954. What's 45 years among friends, right? One of the main issues here is the busing of children from different sides of town in order to create more diverse schools. Predictably, people are outraged. Not IBEDAMAN, though, he be da man with da plan.

ibedaman wrote:
boy what a topic to get folks dander up i am sure glad for private
schools instead of that family vaction i would chuck that money to keep Bart in
private schoolsee, if you want to work a couple jobs that may be an option send
him with a sack lunch and pick up cans on the side of the road most people dont
like bus rides anyway i never took to it myself.

We're certainly all grateful for private schools so little Bart doesn't have to mix with the "colored" people. Too bad his pops is so racist that he'd rather skip family vacations to do so. Maybe it's for the better though, Bart might be horrified to find out Mickey Mouse is black (and Goofy is a dog that talks hangs out with people while Pluto is kept on a leash, wtf is up with that? metaphor for pre-civil war America? discuss amongst yourselves). Finally, how dirty is Louisville that you can pick up enough cans on the side of the road to pay for private school?

Post 36 - Ignorance Not To Be Confused With Marital Bliss

Being the reputable blog that we are, we usually try to stay away from the gossip pages, but good old Page Six ran a piece the other day that was too good to pass up. Former NYC Mayor Ed Koch was angry, not because a filmmaker claimed he was gay (not that there's anything wrong with that), but because his record on gay rights issues was misrepresented. Ed Koch, career politician even after his career is over. The interesting thing about the comments is that most people didn't seem to really care about his alleged gayness, especially since he never acknowledged it or even hinted at it.

DA wrote:Unlike a lot of people today, Koch was not a professional gay where
24/7 everything is gay gay gay to the exclusion of more important issues.
Whatever he is, he was private about his personal life when being gay was really
frowned upon and would have lost him elections, and remained private even when
it was somewhat accepted. But contrary to what most young people are taught
today, no one particularly cared what gays did in the past outside of the vice
squad and they were mostly involved in public solicitation cases (I guess they
still are to a degree) And unless you went around announcing it to everybody
there was really no discrimination in things like housing because plenty of
straight men had male roommates. The service has always had gays in it so unless
you were committing some overt sexual acts that would be noticed they were
pretty much ignored too.Of course things like gay marriage would have been
thought insane and laughed at but I doubt if many gays want to marry anyway. If
it's ever made legal I think people will be surprised at how few gays do it.

We're not sure how exactly one becomes a "professional gay." Do you have to declare for the gay draft and give up your amateur gay eligibility? Or if your a Dominican can you just sign with the gay Yankees and forgo the draft? Can professional gays participate in the gay Olympics? DA is so right about the good old days, back in the 80's when nobody really care if you were gay or not as long as you didn't go around telling people (hi, mom & dad, what are you doing here? umm, this is Joe, my roommate...). And the gay marriage thing is totally blown out of proportion, we don't know a single gay person who wants to be treated equally and have the same right to marry and hate their spouse like straight people do. We'd be totally surprised if it ever became like a state-wide referendum or a court case or anything like that. DA is a genius, totally no discrimination going on, just a lot of ignor-ance.

Post 35 - Don't Hate Me Because I'm Mustachioed

It seems like Ms. California can't get herself out of the news. After the whole "gays shouldn't get married" thing, we hoped she might just fade away. Not So! Apparently, the Daily News is trying to find the root of her idiocy. While it's not surprising that her parents may have had something to do with it, it is mildly surprising how they did it. According to this fine piece of investigative journalism, Mr & Mrs. Ms. California like to insult each other by calling the other one gay. Mrs. Ms. California alleges that Mr. Ms. California told his daughters that "their stepfather was gay, that all men with mustaches are gay." What a mess, not only do the gays hate her but she's now angered the mustachioed masses.

WELL, I'VE HAD A ******* MUSTACHE FOR 40 YEARS AND I'M NOT GAY. WHAT'S NEXT? ALCOHOL PROHIBITION? THE GOP IS ROTTEN AND CORRUPT TO THE CORE AND USES THESE CLOWNS AND STOOGES LIKE JOE THE PLUMBER AND THIS BIMBO TO KEEP EVERYONE BLIND TO THEIR REAL OBJECTIVES, A ONE PARTY, NEO-FASCIST, BIG OIL RUN US OF A. WAIT TILL GOV. PERRY GET'S HALF OF TEXAS TO WANT TOP SECEDE FROM THE UNION. ALL THESE BOZOS ARE JUST A HILL-BILLY DISGRACE TO OUR NATION.

Hell Yeah!! The next logical step after the GOP is done with their moustache smear campaign is the banning of alcohol. We see constitutional amendments on the horizon banning gay marriage, booze and moustaches, must to the chagrin of the Village People. The only thing that can stop these scoundrels is a "Million Moustache March" with all the greats (Selleck, Reynolds, Hogan, Goulet, Geraldo, Norris, Hilter, Chaplin, Former President Chester A. Aurther, Stalin, Yosimte Sam, Groucho Marx, Oates, etc.) joined arm-in-arm chanting ("We're here, We like the look of hair above our upper lip only, Get used to it!!). As we think about it, a tear runs down our cheek only to be caught by our goatee.

Post 34 - Is it still a Doggy-Dogg World?

A teacher went ape shit a few weeks ago. After getting into trouble for "roughing up" some students, he decided it would be a good idea to barricade himself in a classroom (as far as we can tell there is no truth to the rumors he was found with a bullhorn quoting lines from "Stand By Me" - "Discipline is not the enemy of enthusiasm!"). Since this occurred in the Bronx, we can only assume we'd see some pretty nasty comments. As usual, we were not disappointed.

DA wrote: All I know is that if my mandatory sterilization plan had been
put into effect in 1970 we wouldn't have these problems and the high taxes that
go to schools that educate no one. The misfits who keep cranking out these
little monkeys are the problem. If this teacher has any sense he'll get the h_ll
out of there and move to the suburbs or country where this stuff never happens.
He's wasting his time if he thinks he can change this feral kids.

We did some research and, surprisingly we couldn't find anything on DA's mandatory sterilization plan. Guess it never got much traction, maybe because it's FUCKING APPALLING. Good thing he didn't spell out "hell", otherwise his comment would have been really offensive.

Let's just move on and take a trip back in time. Ladies and gentlemen, this comment is brought to you by the late-90's:

J.B.B. wrote: Yes, gangsta rap has much responsibility for this mess, at least
currently.You have male "students" running around the schools with their jeans
literally pulled down to their ankles now, emulating prison inmates.Huh? While
Jay Z, and the rest of these sub morons, and the rich,white music companies and
execs get supra rich . . . sending THEIR children to Swiss boarding schools with
security details. This is a COMPLETE societal breakdown, and is not limited to
the black, and minority inner city world....look around you people....it's
ancient Rome all over again...you gotta try to move to Idaho in a compound...
and home school your kids because the so called "authorities"...the unions,
cops, administrators, clergy, pols, EVERYONE...can't do a thing about it at this
point...yet the Hollywood, major media scum who probably are most to blame still
hide behind the First Amendment in peddling their filth to young minds....the
Masters of these "entertainment" companies should have a certain space in Hades
reserved for them . . . they sell their heinous shite to us, all so they can be
"successful" . . . they need to be burned at the stake...

Gangsta rap? Really? Does that even exist anymore? Somehow, Flo-rida's (get it, it's like Florida but with a dash!!) music doesn't strike us as gangster. Everything about this comment makes up feel like we're back in high school listening to "Gin and Juice." If students LITERALLY had their pants around their ankles, it be really hard to walk. All the times we've tried to run with pants around our ankles, we fell, a lot. Coincidentally, the late 90's is probably the last time the "rich white record executives" made any money. Has this asshat ever heard of Itunes (or even Napster for a reference contemporary to her comment)? We sincerely hope this paranoid, out of touch moron does move to the land of potatoes and homeschool's its future gun-toting, right wing fascist children. People who want to burn Tom Hanks at the stake (and teach their children the same) really make us nervous, we'd rather have Snoop and Dre packin heat than those little burdens.

Post 33 - Putting the "fun" in dysfunction

Viriginia Rep. Jim Moran has decided to tackle one of the most important issues facing our country today--banning erectile dysfunction ads on TV. Now, while most people in favor of the ban have said they just don't want to have to explain ED to their children, the following posts make it clear that these ads threaten other members of society too:

Random Girl May 7th, 2009 10:00 am ET
These ads need to go. In addition to everything else mentioned, doctors are supplying ED medication to sex offenders. And if you are one of the many women victimized by a sexual predator taking ED medication, the LAST THING you want to encounter are ads for Viagra every ten freaking minutes during prime time.

Good point. And since Viagra takes about an hour to work, we can see how countless women don't want to be reminded of the trauma of walking down the street, being forced into an alley, held down while their attacker takes a tiny blue pill, and then lying there for an hour until he's ready. ED medicine is a weapon and must be stopped! And it's not just assault victims who would benefit from the ban. Even people having consenual sex have been hurt by ads for these evil pills:

Helen Tucker May 7th, 2009 9:36 am ET
I am so happy someone is trying to get ED Ads pulled. It is not only for the children and young people, but it is also embarrassing for mixed company adults. Not only is it embarrassing, those love scenes of planned sex have made me sick of sex. What happened to spontaneity and sex because of love. I am embarrassed to see it in front of my husband of 60 years. I hate to think what I would feel as a young married woman. I hope Representative Moran gets to hear how your audience feels. If it must be advertised, then don’t use those fake love scenes. Use only the medical facts.

See! Married women are suffering because of these ads too! Can you imagine anything more embarrassing than having an ad about a sexual aid come on while you're watching TV with someone you've been intimate with for a mere SIXTY YEARS?? How awful! The only thing more embarrassing would be having your wife use her real name while posting online about how she's sick of sex! Thank god Helen Tucker's husband dodged that bullet! Unfortunately, these evil ads don't discriminate based on age. They're hurting younger couples too!:

Mary May 7th, 2009 9:52 am ET
I am glad to see someone finally has enough guts to say enough is enough and try to put a stop to these obnoxious ads. They are the most disgusting things on TV. It is really a shame what has happened to television today and then the government wants to know why there is so much teenage pregancies and delinquency today. All you have to do is turn on TV and there is your answer.

Thank you, Mary! We couldn't have said it better ourselves! ED drugs are CLEARLY responsible for teen pregnancies! I mean, if it weren't for ED drugs, how would teenage boys ever get it up?? Obviously they wouldn't. But we have to disagree with your other point: these ads aren't the most disgusting things on TV. Some things are much worse:

Jes May 7th, 2009 9:49 am ET
ED ads? big deal. You know the ads that *I* would like to see banned? All of the ads targeting women and telling us that we have smelly armpits, and offensive…well, south of the armpits, if you know what I mean. They are endless. You don’t grow up watching those ads, as a woman, and not feel something is wrong with you for just having the body parts all women have. It’s tyrannical and a much bigger issue than ED ads.

Sing it, sister! Womyn have been victimized by those ads for way too long! Those parts are all natural. And those smells that come out of them? Sure they're probably the result of poor hygiene, but so what? Though...we actually don't know what you mean by south of the armpits. Are the ads targeting smelly elbows? We're not really sure.

Here's what we are sure of, though: we applaud Rep. Moran's efforts to ban these ads. We know it wasn't an easy decision. He undoubtedly consulted his staff, thought long and hard, and worked as many polls as he could get his hands on before he finally came to a conclusion. And even in the face of stiff opposition, he's still managed to rise to the occassion. Rep. Moran, we salute you!

Post 32 - Too Tall Jones Declared Safe From Swine Flu

If there's one truth in this world that we hold sacred its that a flu epidemic brings out the best in everyone. And by "best in everyone" we mean:

1. Clear Bigotry:

Posted by dirkdiggle on 04/28/09 at 8:55AM
Why can't we call it smelly dirty Mexican flu?

That's terrible, just terrible.

2. Nonsensical Incoherent Attempts at Bigotry:

Posted by hippi on 04/28/09 at 12:21AM
The reason why Mexicans are dying,
right now about 1 out of 10 who get the flu is because they are so short
compared to cowboys.

What the hell does that even mean? Is he trying to say the swine flu started with this guy?

Is he going for the angle that Mexicans are generally short and therefore closer to the pigs so they're more likely to catch swine flu? Beyond the obvious idiocy, why the cowboy comparison? We were sleeping when the history teachers taught about the great pig herding cowboys of Mexico?

3. Ignorance Poorly Disguised by the Use of "Facts"

Posted by herehere1 on 04/27/09 at 11:44PM
This is serious business people. Tens of millions died in the 1918 pandemic and it even killed eskimoes in the North Pole. The virus then was 50x more powerful than the usual flue strain. To have people in their 20's and 30's dying in Mexico when it's not even flu season is no joke at all.

No one will dispute that this whole swine flu thing is very serious business, but we'd guess any Eskimos living at the North Pole would have died from the lack of, what's the word, oh yeah, LAND! The north pole is completely ice-covered (at least for now) and only inhabited by Santa. If the flu ever gets up there, however, our prayers go out the elves.

Post 31 - Listen Up Hulkamaniacs, the Hulkster's Not Saying OJ Shoulda Killed Her, But He Understands, Brother!!

After ruining his family (did it hurt inside when it came crashing down, Hulkster?) in a vain attempt to make a star out of his talentless daughter through a crappy reality show, everyone's favorite example of male pattern baldness Hulk Hogan (keep taking your vitamins, saying your prayers and rockin that bandana, nobody suspects a thing, brother!) is in the midst of a messy divorce. I guess things get messy when you start dating your daughter's friends. Frustrated by his circumstances, the Real American apparently feels a kindship with everyone's favorite wife-murdering Heisman Trophy Winner, O.J. Simpson. Thuderlips seems to empathize with the Juice, since Linda hurt his friends and she hurt his pride, he had to be a man, he couldn't let it slide. Only one catch, brother!! O.J. was innocent. Just ask Anastasia and Professor Deeds.

152. Oj Simpson should sue Hulk Hogan for those comments. Oj was aquitted of murder in a criminal trial. Aquitted = Not Guilty. Before anyone jumps on the "but he lost the civil suit" bandwagon, save your breath. The civil suit is a joke, it was a witch hunt and should have never happened. It borderlines on double jeapardy as far as I'm concerned. I get that it must be difficult to go through divorce, to know that your spouse has moved on. But to make such outlandish statements is totally rresponsible. Posted at 11:28AM on Apr 16th 2009 by Anastasia

Not be get too technical, but aquitted DOES NOT mean O.J. wasn't guilty, it just means that prosecution totally fucked up and the jury didn't want to put someone famous in jail. Additionally, no matter what Anastasia's finely tuned legal mind thinks, the civil suit wasn't even remotely double jeopardy or even jeapardy (somebody's been watching too many bad Ashley Judd movies). We totally hate it, though, when people who've had a family member brutally murdered go on witch hunts trying to make the killer pay, totally ridiculous.

Let's go to our resident legal expert, Professor Deeds Researcher, for his analysis:

165. First of all, Hulkster, it is very clear to me that Mr. Simpson did not murder his ex-wife. I followed the trial and the relevant testimony from beginning to end, and concluded that Simpson was not guilty before the case was given to the jury.The key to being able to arrive at the correct verdict was in being able to ignore the emotional aspects of the case, especially that of Mr. Goldman and his sneering face, and focus instead only on the facts. (As Joe Friday used to say, "The facts, ma'am, Just the facts.")Allowing oneself to be swayed by the emotional side of the case was an easy thing to do. People saw gruesome pictures on TV and in the newspapers, and immediately had to think Simpson was automatically guilty...before all of the facts were brought out at the trial.Unless someone asks, I'm not going to get into those ddetails in this message, as it would take quite a bit of typing! However, if even one person wants to know the truth, then I'd be perfectly willing, even if it means that a
former LAPD detective winds up in jail for the rest of his life.My real point here is that Mr. Hogan should just keep his mouth shut. If his "little hulkamaniacs" would keep there mouths shut, too, that might help to clean up the air. Posted at 5:09PM on Apr 18th 2009 by Deeds Researcher

Well, if this guy concluded OJ was innocent, we say case closed, let's just all move on. (maybe we're misreading it, maybe the Mr. Simpson he's talking about isn't O.J., maybe it's Homer or Tony Romo). We're lucky to have someone to sift through the emotional aspects of the trial (dead wife, OJ being famous, rasist cops, funny rhymes from Johnny Cochrane) and focus on the facts (like motive, the bloody glove, the White Bronco Chase, DNA, the bloody shoe prints, witnesses who saw the Bronco, etc. etc.). These clearly show O.J. is innocent. Somebody obviously borrowed his Bronco, some blood, his shoes, and his gloves, and killed his ex-wife just to frame him. Our money is one these dudes (www.youtube.com/watch?v=EO40ssHTUTk).

Ultimately it looks to us that Mr. Deeds is just using his post to make himself look like he's the only one who knows the "truth", which of course it total bullshit. If he knows something why not put this detective in jail instead of posting random comments on TMZ?

Post 30 - A Lesson About Domestic Abuse or How Mr. Shamwow Had to Slap-Chop a Ho

Another less than timely post from us. In case you can't tell we're cleaning out the queue. The story it self is about the creepy Shamwow Dude (aka the Slap Chop Guy - "you're gonna love my nuts" ) got in a fight with a hooker in Miami. He says she bit his tongue and wouldn't let go, she says he made her watch his movie (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shamwow) Apparently this guy thinks he's a comedian, not some tv shill. As amusing at that all is, what's important to note here is this Shamwow Dude has nothing in common with our other favorite woman-beater Mr. Chris Brown. Let's let LovieBB explain.

212. ya'll shd stop hating on cris..just keep doin' ur thangggg CB!!n'
ya'll haters shd av sm sympathy n' get sm psychologists to xplain 2 u that such
kids who were raised up lyk cris can easily beat up their gf's..so blame it on
his parents who raised him while witnessin' ol the abuse b'ing done to his mum
bt dnt blame cris...LET CRIS BREATH,HE'S HAD ENUF!!!!! Posted at 8:20PM on Apr 18th 2009 by lovieBB

First of all, reading this makes us feel like we're watching the game show network or something. Why do we need to talk to any psychologists (we're amazed that was spelled correctly) when LovieBB can explain so succinctly how people can "easily" beat up their girlfriends (is she implying that Rhianna didn't put up much of a fight?), it's all daddy's fault. Forget personal responsibility, just keep doin' ur thangggg!!

Post 29 - Why'd He Ever Leave the House

Here’s a tasty story about a convicted child molester who took matters into his own hands, or more appropriately mouth, in what we can only guess was an attempt to cut off his deviant urges. It's obvious that this guy is highly disturbed and biting off his member might just be evidence of his problems, right? Well, our new friend Devine sees things a little differently.

divine Apr 15, 2009 8:29:14 AM something is wrong with this story , first of all
i believe if he could do his self there would be no need to rape and if they let
him go for the 13yrs old ,they couldn,t prove anything , but he didn,t know law
and they tricked him into plea ain,t nowhere in the hell ,he could bit off his
own ***** ,if it that long then he need to be in the worlds books, people think
about it ,before writting on it.

Yeah, something is wrong with this story, THE GUY BIT OFF HIS PENIS!! Need there be more wrong that that? Devine apparently believes that if this guy could get his mouth all the way down there he'd have no reason to rape anyone (If I could do that I would never leave the house, GET IT!! waka waka!!). That'd be pretty persuasive if raping children really had ANYTHING to do with just wanting sex. We're sure it was just an elaborate conspiracy to out this guy and his extreme flexibility. And where exactly can we get a copy of the "worlds books", if they have stuff like this in there it's probably a pretty interesting read.

Post 28 - One Nation Under Gay

Now that all the fuss over Ms. California and her gay-hating ways has subsided, we figured it was the perfect time to post something. We're nothing if not untimely. We'd bet nobody would have guessed that this story would open the door for some good ol' fashioned gay bashing, particularly directed at Mr. Perez Hilton. Personally, we think the big PH is kinda nasty and annoying, but certainly not as much as the self-proclaimed PEREZ HATER (this name was made just for this particular story, right? Does she have other ones for TMZ like LOHAN LOVER or AMBIVILENT ABOUT OCTOMOM?)

30. I applaud her for what she said, I believe it and yesterday was the last day
Perez Idiot was welcome in this home. He's now blocked at the router. So Gay
people have a right to push their agenda on everyone else to the point of
harassment? When did this nation become one nation under homosexuals? Get REAL. If they want PEREZ as their role model they deserve him! He's a media HORE and did this all for publicity. He's loving it and milking it on his blog. YOU GO
GIRL!Posted at 9:40AM on Apr 21st 2009 by PEREZ HATER

I'm sure Perez is devestated to no longer be welcome in PEREZ HATER's home, they used to be such good friends. Too bad, all their disagreements went unresolved and built a router between them. Gay people do have some nerve pushing their agenda by harassing Miss Universe cotestants, through their role model Perez Hilton (who doesn't want to be an overweight blogger?) with questions about gay marriage. Don't THEY know that the only agenda that can be forced on everyone is the one contained in the bible? Btw, we think that whole "one nation" thing started with the creation of the Bravo Network.

Post 27 - New York Times Under Attack by Ten Billion Twitterers (Tweeters?)

This is a pretty old story about Obama bashing retarded people on Leno. But the comment is way too good to pass on. Ladies and Gentlemen, we introduce Rob-Stumpf:

rob_stumpf wrote:Join the boycott of the New York Times! We must destroy the
Life andStyle section or our civilization will be completely destroyed. Over10
billion people agree with me that the New York Times should beeliminated!!! We
already have our own Twitter page and that's reallyintimidating. Power to the
People! PLEASE MOVE OUT OF NEW YORK CITYBECAUSE THAT'S THE SAME CITY THAT THE TIMES IS IN. IF YOU STILLCONTINUE TO LIVE IN NEW YORK CITY AFTER THIS ANNOUNCEMENT, WE WILLASSUME YOU ARE A TIMES SUPPORTER, AND THIS, FAIR GAME.3/20/2009 1:55 PM EDT

We're not entirely sure why Rob is calling for a boycott of the New York Times on the Post's website but we'll try to overlook that and think of it as "cross-promotion." What's really crazy is that over 10 billion people agree that they Life and Style section is going to destroy civilization (We always thought "John and Kate Plus 8" would be the culprit). To put that in context, 306 million people live in the United States, so approximately 30 times as many people really hate the Times (we bet the paper is thrilled to have so many readers). We hope that posting this comment won't set off a mass exodus from New York (that is after all where the New York Times is located), but be warned you're fair game and 10 billion people who can apparently express they're hatred (along with the most inane aspects of their daily lives) in 140 characters or less are coming to get you. We're atwitter with fear ourselves.

Post 26 - Real Airline Announces "Fat Surcharge", Fake Airline Bans Smelly People

Last week United Airlines announced that they will enforce a policy of making anyone who can't pull down the armrest purchase an extra seat. Not surprisingly, the commenters (who are known for being Olympic level fitness freaks) told countless stories of icky fat people touching them during their flights and how much they hate them. Not to be outdone, Cruxxlin decided to drop a bomb.

Posted by cruxxlin on 04/17/09 at 10:14PM

Not a bad move, along with keeping all the stinking smokers off the plane as well, and the bros who smoke those little brown stink bombs called BLACK and mild, all rappers and hippity hoppers should have fly in the cargo with the rest of the pets..!

So "rappers" is code for black people (you can tell by the very subtle use of caps, not exactly the German Enigma Code) but why bring bunnies into this ugliness. Not much to say here, we just felt compelled to point out an example of such extreme unprovoked racism.


On a lighter note, let's take a trip to fantasy land, your guide for this adventure, Shellback.

Posted by shellback1 on 04/16/09 at 6:11PM
With America leading the world in avoidable obesity, and arrogant inconsideration for fellow man, its public transportation – [in the business of selling seats, not compassion], has been struggling against ever increasing dilemmas emanating mostly from egomaniacal nosey-body government bureaucracy and liberal consumer advocacy battling corporate commonsense, thus the proverbial line in the sand is well over due and must be drawn at some point in time, preferably A.S.A.P. for the nation’s sake.

In fact, several lines must be drawn. If I were to start up an airline, I would keep it purely charter and at prices affordable to the general public. However, customer satisfaction would be hypnotic with me, and likewise those I employ. Being trapped in a commercial airliner for several hours sitting next to an overweight person overlapping the armrest can be brutally uncomfortable. And if the person is even a moderate smoker; and/or drinker, or quite naturally shy on hygiene, the nose takes a real beating.

For starters I would surely adopt the two-seat provision, and because planes do not make frequent stops affording diplomatic escapes, my customers would have to traverse a several foot long tunnel harboring a scale, metal detector, odor meter, and whatever else I can come up with. Simple enough, if one does not survive the qualifying tunnel, one does not fly in my planes. No smokers, no heavy drinkers, a good bath prior to boarding, no loud mouths, proper attire, etc.

I would like to extend to the Commercial airline entities a hardy vote of thanks for a step in the right direction – Keep on stepping!

First of all, stringing together big words and playing around with overused idioms doesn't make you smart (pointing out the stupidity of stuff like that does!), especially when you turn around and say that customer satisfaction is "hypnotic". We've all felt entranced waiting in line before, but we doubt being on your fictional airline could make us cluck like a chicken when you snap your fingers. We wouldn't have to be hypnotized to give his nose a nice beating, though. All that said, we love Shellback's idea, but we'd make a few additions: (1) all planes would be flown by a well qualified and world renowned Captain (Kirk, Crunch, Lou Albano, Caveman, Kangaroo, America, Obvious, Hook, Morgan, of the Heart, Planet, Stubing); (2) the co-pilot on each flight will be Tennille; (3) passengers be allowed to step out onto the clouds during the flight to meet the Carebears; (4) seats will be made of cotton candy; and (4) all flights will depart and arrive on time. Ladies and Gentleman, Thank You for Choosing Fantasy Airways.

Post 25 - English as a Second Language

There is currently a intelligent debate going on in New Jersey about whether to give illegal immigrants driver's licences and let their children receive in-state tuition rates. We're guessing this guy is not part of any intelligent debate. We would imagine his position would be something like "First of all, they come over here and take our jobs and number one they don't speak no damn English."

Posted by 0707fornj on 03/24/09 at 7:52AM <>If i make my own Polls
doord to doors with GOP and a Demo rat on my dies and i knowck on each Legal
residents houses I bet any one ill get a 99% Dissaprove to give out any College
Nothing or any DL when we ourself cant get any free college forour Kids As it is
we the Legal residents dont have o Rights .. even a dog have more then us . Do
all of us a Big Huge dam favor and never mention them to any of us Willya !
*&^%$#@

We're tempted to leave this one to stand alone in its own glory. Our only comments, beyond the obvious spelling challenges, is that no one is trying to "give out any college" and even if they were its highly unlikely this guy would ever have to pays for college for himself or his spawn. Also, who wouldn't want the rights of a dog? You crap and eat and that's pretty much your day. Sure, maybe who have to sleep chained to a tree outside this guys trailer but all in all it's not a bad gig.

Anyone know a 7-letter word for *&^%$#@?

Post 24 - How I Didn't Meet Your Baby. Or Your Gay Co-star.

As any viewer of CBS's How I Met Your Mother can tell you, the show has been going through great pains lately to hide the pregnancies of its two leading ladies. This practice has lead to a bit of a disagreement in the blogosphere, particularly in this past week's episode where Cobie Smulders (aka Robin Scherbatsky aka Robin Sparkles) was seen drinking while her stomach was hidden behind various objects. According to one anonymous poster:

How is it distracting that she is pregnant in real life, but drinking on the show? Those two things don't have anything to do with each other. She's not pregnant on the show! She's not drinking in real life! I think it's silly that we care about hiding bellies anyway. She's an actor- she's playing the part of someone who's not pregnant. Just like [Neil Patrick Harris] is playing a womanizer when he clearly is not in real life. We don't hide him behind lampshades so that we don't see how gay he really is.

While we understand this person's point, having a visibly pregnant woman drinking, hooking up, and generally going about her business while no mention of her obviously expanding stomach is ever made would actually be INCREDIBLY distracting and just bad tv. As for Neil Patrick Harris's ability to play straight, does anyone really think hiding a person behind decorative household furnishings is really the best way to make them seem less gay?? Frankly, the whole idea of trying to analogize an actress's pregnancy to an actor's homosexuality just doesn't make a lot of sense.

As another commentator named LoopyChew tried to explain:

One's a physical condition, one's something that's not immediately physically apparent.

Well said. But in this case we're gonna have to disagree. Not immediately physically apparent? Really, LoopyChew? REALLY?

Post 23 - It Burns Like A Ring of Stupid

We're a few weeks behind on this one but it was too good to ignore. Since all of American watches Idol we barely feel the need to explain, but Adam Lambert the likely-gay, black nail polish and eyeliner wearing front runner to become the next widly-unsucessful Idol champion. A few weeks back he sang a sitar-infused (if you don't know what a sitar is, go ask George Harrison) version of Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire".

In regard to Lambert's Ring of Fire performance,
although the lad's talent is superior to that of all the previous AMATEURS who
have ever graced(?) on the show, I believe, along with several million Idol
viewers, that Adam's version of the song transended music and became an
unexpected spiritual experience that left millions of viewers speaking in
tongues and overcome by their religious fervor. Obviously, those who panned it
are tone deaf homophobic souls who are members of another denomination which
has, hopefully, thrown out its organ and banned all forms of musical
activity

We heard the performance in question. At best, it was quasi-entertaining, at worst it made Randy Travis question his faith in humanity. We're not panning the performance lest we be exposed as "tone deaf homophobic souls" (we won't discuss our organ) but we HIGHLY (note the use of all caps for emphasis) doubt that millions of viewers had a spiritual experience full of religous fervor and tounge-speaking like this guy. Unless, of course, you put "what the fuck was that?" in the speaking in tounges category. Despite his luncacy, we are lucky that Lambert-Lover graced on our blog (hopefully he'll have the decency to clean up after himself).

Post 22 - Homophones Need Not Apply

The Star Ledger announced furloughs for its employees today. Of course, everyone took this opportunity to hate on the paper, which they apparently all read, on its own website, which they apparently all frequent. One issue of particular importance to our commenters is the apparent lack of editorial oversight.

Posted by bmc8519 on 03/23/09 at 2:48PM
"...ways to cut costs and weather the recession, ..." How much could people who don't know the difference between WEATHER and WHETHER be getting paid anyway? Maybe they should try editing their articles.

Maybe you should try reading a dictionary, stupid. Our guess is that the reporter was going for the "to bear up against and come safely through (a storm, danger, trouble, etc.): to weather a severe illness" definition of weather, especially since using "whether" would make the sentence completely nonsensical and absolute gibberish. Everyone makes mistakes with our homophones, but at least we don't post them all over the internet (we hope).

Post 21 - Burning Down the (Co-Ed Frat) House

One of the frat houses at Rutgers caught fire this week. We don't speak Greek so we're not sure what exactly makes a fraternity "co-ed" but we bet one of our esteemed commenters does.

Posted by rutgers13 on 03/23/09 at 4:05PM I think this is the gay frat actually
thats why its coed

We're rarely at a loss for words (othwrwise we'd be even worse at this blogging thing), but what the hell does that even mean? We're trying to follow this dude's though process but still, we just don't get it? Even if we bought your dumb joke, if it was an gay fraternity wouldn't all of the members be of the same sex anyway, thus making it by definition not co-ed? Way to make your university proud, dumb ass.

Post 20 - Your "Gay Center" Will Send You To Hell, Just Don't Try to Take Credit For It

This story is about Newark's (NJ) plans to start an after school program for Gay Bisexual Transgender Questioning (boy that's amouth full) teens. Who could have a problem with that? That's right, you guessed it, the bible-buddies, more specficially Ms. Jerseyfolk:

Posted by Jerseyfolk on 03/15/09 at 10:17AMI think we are living in a very very
sad state when we have to result to something like this in the world. When we
have to give in to the "sub normal" or the biblical incorrect. I do know that it
is reality though whether wrong or right. Once again Corey Booker loves to get
credit for thing he had nothing to do with ... Sharpe James start[ed] a similar
gay and lesbian outreach support organization ... As usual, Mayor Booker is a
"Johnny Come Lately" ... I personally believe that this article is a personal
disserfvice to the growing teenager whom are just exploring fads or dealing with
peer pressure.

Now, in the interest of journalistic integrity (whatever that is), we admit that we truncated the comment slightly to remove some of the less pertinent ramblings, but trust us, the stupidity has not been compromised. We love Ms. JF for one simple reason, she doesn't let her personal feelings of hatred get in the way of her politics. Sure, funding a center for gay teens is "sub normal" (love the unnecessary use of qoutes there) and you'll probably go to hell and stuff, but don't you dare try to take credit, Mayor Booker, you gosh darn Johnny Come Lately. That was Sharpe James' idea!! Do you think JK really thought that one through since she's basically saying that her boy, Sharpe James, is the one who had the idea to give in to the "sub normal"? Wonder which is stronger religion or politics. We've also seen this "being gay is a fad" thing really gaining steam on the comments. Is this for real? As if it's not bad enough that being gay is consider by some to be a sin, these poor people are now being lumped together with hula-hoops, snap braclets and the snuggie. Where will the madness end.

To lighten the mood, we bring you some bonus coverage, courtesy of Madame Tellievision.

Posted by tellievision on 03/15/09 at 8:15PMI don't care what gay people do as
long as they are not doing it to me! I'm female and although you men get on my
ever loving last nerve, I still love you to death! LOL! I dare a woman to even
act like she wants to cross the line with me. AND I'm gorgeous? Oh hell no! LOL!
Sorry ladies but I love men!

I'm sure all of the lesbians out there are shedding a tear knowing that they could never have this catch. Sorry Ladies!!! LOL! I hope she knows we're all LOLing at her, not with her.

Post 19 - Cananda Blamed as Actress Dies in Tragic Skiing Accident

Now, we (or at least part of us) really has no idea who Patricia Richardson was. We hear she was in Nell. You might remember Nell as the movie where Jodie Foster went "full retard" and killed her career (Flight Plan? Nim's Island? Really Jodie? Weren't you an Oscar winner once?). Anyway, the fact that we don't know who she was doesn't make her death any less tragic (anyone dying sucks, right? it's not just sad when its famous people, at least they get an Oscar for their troubles) and it's logical to look for someone to blame. In this instance, the obvious culprit is ... Canada?

Just theFactsMaam wrote:Perhaps Canada's socialized health system is at fault
here? She falls on snow and bumps her head and now she's near death? Let's see
what happens when she gets to a real hosipital here in America. While there are
still real hospitals here in America.

For someone who is apparently concerned with facts, this dumbass appears pretty comfortable throwing out unsupported accusations. This women fell, hit her head and died and its socialized medicine's fault? What facts exactly is he basing that on? Obviously none that have anything to do with the realities of head trauma. And guess what happens when she got to a "real hospital", the same damn thing that would have happened in any hospital. The icing on the cake of course is the not so subtle dig at the new administration in the last sentence. Just goes to show that stupid political opinions can find there way into even the saddest of stories. You need further proof? Let's check out what Senor Marknspar has to contribute.

Marknspar wrote:Jezza Bell, why do the "Fun Police "( Thats liberals)
always come out calling for regulation on EVERYTHING people do for fun.
Leave us alone. You wear a frickin' helmet when you ski. You'll look the
part of the idiot that you are. You take care of you and I'll take care of
me.

Watch out everybody, it's the Fun Police!! Hide the Parcheesi! What a
goddamn moron. Where glad he explained what he meant by fun
police, cause we NEVER would have guessed he meant thos evil liberals.
Hopefully those liberals will hear the call of the non-helmet wearing masses and
get rid of those dumb safety regulations so people don't look like idiots.
We tend to think though that the people running around with their brains leaking
out of their heads are the ones that look dumb but at least they take care of themselves.

Post 18 - Teachers Sleeping With Kids: Normal Like Porn, Not Scarier than Northern Ireland

Here's a story about a female teacher who engaged in an inappropriate relationship with a female student. Now, normally we would pull a comment from some homophobic dipshit quoting the bible and calling the teacher a sinner, but not today. Today we look at two comments from Mr. Moveout, which, despite his appallingly ridiculous examples seem to support gays. We were so surprised we had to bring them to your attention, it's like seeing a white tiger in the wild. Let's get to it:

Why would they have needed to go to SF there are many cities closer to Saratoga
where same sex marrages were performed, perhaps Saratoga had a few. What would be wrong with teens observing normal folk acting civilized? Yes homosexual and
bi-sexual relationships are normal human behaviour and if you have ever watched
any porn one would think that among women more common than exclusive
heterosexual sex.

Part of the christian confusion I believe can be traced to
Adam and Eve. Adam was the first homosexual as he was the only male human in the universeI (I wonder what he thought his penis wasto be used for) and when Eve
popped in he was tappng her when she was like what one day old and his sibling
or genetically modified clone to boot.

Ok, so we were with him (sort of) through the first two sentences but around sentence 31/2 the wheels really start shaking. No doubt that those types of relationships are normal but is porn really the best evidence he could come up with to illustrate his point. Couldn't he come up with some statistics or even point to Ellen and Portia if he was desperate. All of this misses the obvious point that people in porn are "actors" so the amount of girl-on-girl action better reflects the fetishes of dudes then the prevalence of lesbian relationships. At least he's trying, right?

The wheels come completely off in the second paragraph. We're not even sure where to go with this one. Adam was a homosexual incestuous pedophile? I guess that could cause some confusion for people. I would imagine the whole the world started in a garden with two kids and a snake thing might be confusing as well, but Mr. Moveout has obviously thought his theory through. Finally, we're guessing Adam might have thought his penis was for peeing, just a guess though.

On to the second pearl of Moveout wisdom:

moveoutt
Joined: Mar 2007Posts: 2178
Your delusion begins with that
predators are a siginificant worry. While you are worryingabout predators and
protecting your kids against what is a very small threat. I worry about my kid
being in Northern Ireland working with childrens groups trying to find common
ground between Protestant and Catholic schoolkids.
Your life, as reflected in
your posts, is full of all kinds of fear and on top of that you expect the
government to protect you from those fears and never expect to pay for those
services that for the most part are not not needed in the first place.

Ok, so after reading a story that mentions several teachers acting inappropriately towards children, Moveout decided, eh, that's really not a big deal, no need to worry about that parents when there's unrest in Northern Ireland. We can thank Moveout for really putting things in perspective. Our biggest question is, does he actually have a child currently living in Northern Ireland or is he just imagining that someday he might have one and someday that kid might want to go to Northern Ireland to work with kids and then he'd be worried? Based on his Adam-Eve theory we'd bet he's got a pretty vivid imagination and if his kid listens to that type of bible interpretation, that the Catholics and Protestants schoolkids might find some common ground giving his kid a wedgie.

Post 17 - Imus Has Nappy-Headed Prostate

So it's never happy news to hear that someone got cancer, even if, in
some people's minds that guy is a hood-carrying racist, right?
Apparently not so much for this newzjunkie (get it it's like news with a z):

you reap what you sow, god dont like ugly.
Posted by newzjunkie47 on Mar 16,
2009 9:29 AM

First, "you reap what you sow", did he sow cancer? That would be a weird choice for a cash crop. Anyway, we guess Z is trying to say is "what goes around comes around" but, since when is a life-threatening disease the proper karmic retribution for making a really bad joke and getting fired enough. Anything beyond him being called a "Wrinkly-Assed Old Pedophile" during the NCAA tournament seems like a bit of overkill to us. We are on board with the "god don't like ugly" thing though. Preach on, Brother Z.

While we're on this article, we wanted to quickly point out how the esteemed Reverend Al seems to find a way into the comments of any remotely racial story, only to be followed by an
> Obama-related/covertly-racist comment. We're joining to coin this one the "Racial Comment Two-Step.

Step 1:

All good to Imus for a full recovery. He's got a good attitude, if
not anything else. At least Imus apologized for HIS comments, unlike
some "reverend" who has yet to apologize for his.
Posted by patkeepsie391 on Mar 16, 2009 9:18 AM

Now to Step 2:

cyberkatt420 , You sound like a typical Obama supporter. Best of Luck to
you Imus!! God Speed recovery. Posted by stkbkr on Mar 16, 2009 9:16 AM

For a little background, it appears Ms. Cyberkatt420 (get it 420) said something to the effect of, we're paraphrasing here, "Imus is the most evil person in the world and should die of cancer for what he said", i.e. you reap what you sow. Mr. Stkbkr took offense to her comments and labeled her a dreaded "typical Obama supporter", again we're paraphrasing but we think he meant at the very least that she was black. Maybe the "N"-word is being replaced with much more subtle euphemisms like this one.

Post 16 - I won't stand for that kind of reverse discrimination. I prefer the regular, unreversed kind.

Here's a nice little story about a black couple in the suburbs of Chicago that has decided to conduct a minor social experiment and only shop at black owned businesses for one year. They say it's their way of supporting their community and trying to give back. Or is it, as many posters have claimed, just a case of racism? Sometimes it's hard to tell. But not in this case:

Aryan Nation
United States
Reply »
|Report Abuse |#2120 9 hrs ago
If they want to shop at these stores, they should move back to Africa, where they belong.

Okay, besides being an obvious racist, you're also a fucking idiot. How are they going to shop at THESE stores if they move to Africa? They're already driving 14 miles for groceries. You expect them to move to another continent and still be able to shop there? That doesn't sound very practical. Especially if they like ice-cream. And the article clearly states that the wife is from Miami and the husband from Detroit. So how can they go BACK to Africa when they're not even from there? It would be like us suggesting you go BACK to the "Aryan nation." It just wouldn't make any sense because you can't actually do that since it only exists in your own fucked up, demented head.

Post 15 - PERV GROUP PUTS 10G 'HIT' ON ANDY

So apparently NAMBLA tried to put out a $10,000 hit on NY Attorney General Andrew Cuomo. I guess that's what he gets for stepping outside the party line of apparently being cool with diddling kids:

Chocolate_Cracker wrote:
Its great to see Democrats turning on each other.
The child raping wing of the Democratic party feels in power with the great Obama in the White House.
I am sure NAMBLA hopes the economy whithers on the vine so people sell them kids to molest.

Democrats, YOU HAVE TO LOVE THEM....LOL

"Child raping wing" of the Demcratic party? Hmm. We've never heard of that before. It must be one of those top secret party wings like the Republicans' "foot tapping for sex in airport bathrooms" wing or the wing that thinks Ann Coulter is attractive. Either way, selling kids to be molested just doesn't sound like a good business plan. Because we're guessing that, at most, NAMBLA members want to rent by the hour. Or maybe go in on some sort of time share. Variety is the spice of life after all. But we're not really sure how they're going to be able to afford that type of thing when they're too busy paying to take out hits on politicians--even the Democrats. Ah, Democrats. You really do have to love them. And their kids too.

Post 14 - Widowed Immigrant Seeks Residency, Attorneys and Obama to Blame

File this one under the heading of "Everyone Hates Everyone Who's Not Like Them." This woman came to the US legally from Jamaica, got married and then her husband died in a ferry accident before she could become a citizen. Only one way to solve this problem. Deport her ass! And our plan would have worked too if it wasn't for you pesky lawyers:

koani07 (0 friends, send message) wrote: 6h 54m ago
And once again the scum of a bucket lawyer thinks they are doing what is
right...How about thinking what is right for the WHOLE country, not just one or
two ( in this case 170) people. America is sorry for the lost rof your loved
ones, however a LAW is a LAW. Didn't lawyers become lawyers to defend the laws
of this nation? Seems to me they have forgotten a simple thing here, Our laws are here to protect this country, Stop bending them to make it better
for your client. Hope you have a nice and safe trip home..

Somehow we don't really think this guy really hopes she has a nice trip home. I wonder if anyone gets on his case for making McNuggets all day. Lawyers can't detroy society singlehadedly, they need some help from highher up.

Bobc (2 friends, send message) wrote: 5h 52m ago
Bush and Republicans were going for the "let's get more voters and grant amnesty to everyone here"...till the public let their voices be knownThe Dems will do what they want...Obama needs more voters and more unskilled, uneducated to vote for him.We are getting fleeced right and left...it's bad enough to get fleeced by our government and lazy neighbors, but also forced to pay for the whole world's people.Welcome to
the another 3rd world country! Where Obama's plans are fulfilled.....everyone
poor on the same level.

Why doesn't this guy save the keystrokes and just say he hates anyone who's not white. At least then he'd be an honest racist and not just a unsubtle one.

Post 13 - Gunmen Attack Defense Sri Lankan Cricket Team, Muslims Declared "Lower-Life Form"

It goes without saying that this was a cowardly attack but we think this guy might be using a bit too broad of a brush.

Sherlund (1 friends, send message) wrote: 4d 7h ago
TimLA (0 friends, send message) wrote: 22m ago
Seriously, does anyone need any more proof that muslims are a lower life
form?

Actually Islam does not want its followers from paticipating in sports,
music, dancing,etc as it is a distraction from their primary task of persecuting
women and non-muslims.

Lower life form? Really? Lower than someone who posts retarded generalizations on a the USA Today website. My guess is this dude should stick to the orange and purple sections of the paper, by his logic he'll never run into any muslims there.

Post 12 - Mayor Closes Schools at Last Minute, Thousands Die ... Wait that's not what happened at all

Bloomberg closes NYC schools for the first time in years but the last minute nature seemed to have left people scrambling and none too happy. Those people are certainly open to criticism for not being prepare and after navigating the treacherous New Jersey Turnpike during last week's snow storm, we're TOTALLY feeling the Hurricane Katrina comparison:

Gov watcher wrote:Hmmmm, just like in Katrina........ weather reports predict
major stormon the way but these whiny parents from Park Slope failed to
prepare.Parents have a responsibility when they bring kids into the world.
Thismeans that you have to make your own plans when the schools get closed.But
in NYC, people expect city government to do everything for them,including raise
their kids for them. 3/3/2009 9:23 AM EST

It's easy to blame people who weren't prepared for a flood of biblical (fablical?) proportions to the same extent as parents who were pissed when the mayor closes school at the last minute.

Post 11 - Brown Suge

Just when we thought we'd had enough of the ChRianna saga, everyones favorite something or other Suge Knight has thrown his support behind Mr. Brown. Just the kind of guy you want in your corner when you're trying to distance yourself from a DV rap. Looks like someone else wants a spot on the SuBrown bandwagon:

5. Honestly - as pathetic as Chris Brown may be...Rihanna is a ZERO in my eyes now. What a loser for getting back together with the guy. I will not buy any product being touted by Rihanna. BOYCOTT RIHANNA! BOYCOTT RIHANNA! The girl ought to lose millions of dollars in endorsement deals if she's this stupid.
Posted at 12:55PM on Mar 3rd 2009 by BOYCOTT RIHANNA!

Just so we're clear, we should all get together and use our combined economic might to show Rianna so that she loses all her endorsement deals. Not really sure what the end game is here but punishing Rianna for getting beat up by her boyfriend by trying to bankrupt her certainly makes sense. We sure won't be buying any .... what does she sell again? umbrellas?

Post 10 - So You're Saying I Can't Ply Cheerleaders With Alcohol and Make Them Pole Dance? Really? Really? You Sure About That?

This one is a gem brought to us byPrecious Petty about the "coolest dad in the world." We think this guy is still trying to figure out what went wrong. He should know that god doesn't approve of this sort of thing, or does he?

Posted by LionOfJudah on 02/28/09 at 10:46AM
Pro 25:9 Debate thy cause with thy neighbour himself; and discover not a secret to another:
Mat 18:15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

We're no biblical scholars, but is the bible basically (according to the LionOfJudah - isn't a wrestling nickname) saying us "Don't Snitch." Looks like Carmelo was just in that video as a messenger of god.

Frank 43:8 "And the Lord sayeth "'Don't Snitch' or thou shalt be snitched upon" ... Amen ... Praise his name."

god = jello.

Post 9 - Woman Married 23 Times, Time for a Constitutional Amendement

This woman was married 23 times (and she's only 68!!) including a Baptist minister, two gay men, a homeless guy and a convict accused of rape. Sounds like she ran the gamut. Good thing those two gay guys didn't marry each other, that would have brought the universe to an end. Anyway, this commenter raises a point (eventually) that most of us probably would have missed:

Posted by VodkaOnRocks on 02/27/09
at 5:10PM
I have a few questions to ask and then I'll comment....
What
in the world is this lady on???
More importantly, what are the guys
on???
Who would marry a woman knowing she's been down the aisle more than
twice and has 7 children???
Now for my comment:
This lady must be good at
"you-know-what" to keep make these guys drag her and her clan to the chapel.

Actually, we don't know what. Cooking, bridge, country line dancing, the balance beam, pong, making hand-made pen stands, freestyle rap. Just too many choices. Damn you VodkaOnRocks, just tell us, we can't figure these things out on our own!!


By the way, what is this lady on? (get it)

Post 8 - Calif. Mayor Who Sent White House Watermelon Patch E-Mail Quits

Los Alamitos, CA Mayor Dean Grose is resigning after emailing a racist cartoon to his friends....including Keyanus Price, a black female city volunteer. Pretty dumb of him, right? Well, we've seen dumber courtesy of steve34609:

by steve34609 [Feb 27, 2009 7:04:51 PM]
mrburns...you are fishing for my political afiliation.You will not get it.However,you will get a comment on the recent behavior of the heroine of this little anecdote.To describe the mayor's official position,she described him as the city-FREAKIN-mayor. A public statement like this makes those companies that she works with for (whose?)"future" look a little sleazy. Maybe she is a professional black,using publicity and victimization to enhance her career and the positions of blacks in this country vis others? Maybe said companies should re-evaluate her postions with them,considering her foul language and poor representation of their good names?I know a political smear job when I see one. I don't care too much about google searches...google fixed the searches against bush and in favor of obama.We all know that.Anyone that uses a google search as a primary source of evidence is a poor researcher or a propagandist.as Lincoln once said...but you can't fool all of the people all of the time... Here are your words quoted below.Also,refer to my previous posting here for more on my position on this matter. Do the same googled search for Price and you will find a woman that has worked her life to give to the community, working along side notable companies aiding the future on a local/national level.

First, we like the way that he refers to Ms. Price as a "professional black." Personally, we're tired of hearing about all the amateur blacks out there and applaud Ms. Price for having the guts to go pro. Then there's Steve's shock at her using the word "freakin" to describe the mayor's position. So, just to clarify...cartoon of watermelons on the White House lawn? Totally cool. PG faux "swear" words? Over the line!! It's a good thing Ms. Price didn't say "darn" or "fudge" or poor Steve might have had to block Fox News so his kids weren't exposed to her awful profanity. Finally, we love how he starts off his commentary by saying he won't reveal his political "afiliation" and then goes on to accuse Google of fixing its searches against Bush and in favor of Obama (I guess neither Steve nor the folks at Google were aware that Obama actually ran against JOHN MCCAIN.) But congrats, Steve, on successfully hiding your political leanings. Given that you're posting on Fox News and that you hate Obama we can only assume you're still bitter over Hillary's primary defeat. We feel your pain.

Post 7 - UN Resolution to Ban Defamation of Religion

A resolution to ban defamation of religion? Time to blame the muslims. This guy loves Muslims but can't tolerate them and says they're going to hell ... we're confused. Jello = god.

By: boyydz
Rated 4/5
I am a devout Christian, and I have nothing in my heart but love for Muslims (even
the extremists who make it hard to do that). However, I must intellectually
reject Islam, and it is my human right to do so (indeed, I would claim it is a
moral imperative of my faith). I cannot in good conscience tolerate Mohammed and
the Koran. In my view, they both are leading Muslims into hell by forcing them
to reject Jesus as Savior and Lord of the world. Jesus instructed Christians
to make disciples of all nations. That would include Muslim nations (even though
Islam did not exist at the time despite its fallacious claims). These Muslim
efforts are simply further attempts to avoid letting Muslims hear the truth
about their so-called "religion of peace" and to keep them from recognizing the
truth in Christianity. Worst of all, they attempt to press a viewpoint that
Islam is the world's legitimate religion. Muslim regimes already repress their
populations internally, and since the Internet is allowing their citizens
unprecedented exposure to the outside world, they now need to use the UN to try
to shut that door by disallowing anything that would tend to "defame" Islam.
Unfortunately, many Muslims' views are that "defamation of Islam" is merely to
claim that Mohammed is only a self-important "prophet" of their false god. This
is their actual agenda: to keep other religions from moving Muslims away from
their obviously flawed teachings, since only indoctrination can keep so many
people beholden to teachings of violent proselytization and idolatry of a mortal
individual.

Post 6 - Brown's Hotness Mitigates Beating Guilt

To follow-up on our earlier post on Rianna, I guess fineness makes it all ok:

Michelo Malambo 2/27/2009, 7:44 am EST
Chris Brown… i don’t even know where to start. I’m trying to get over it coz i still think he is fine!!! But eish, how does a seemingly gentle guy do such a thing and he is a public figure. But peeps make mistakes hey?

Post 5 - Drunk Driver Kills Women Gets 15 Days

Thanks ok, according to these guys, he'll be punished in other ways:

15 days is long enough for some jailhouse justice for this POS...
Posted
by Caligula on Feb 27, 2009 12:54 PM

15 days in jail. Unbelievable. This rich and arrogant dirtbag may think that he got away with murder but he still has to answer to God. God is the ultimate judge and this dirtbag will have to answer to him.
Posted by WORLDENDS122112 on Feb 27, 2009 12:54 PM

Like we always say, there's never a bad time to mention god and prison rape.

Post 4 - Why Did Your Face Have to Get in the Way of My Fist

Evidently, sympathy for domestic violence is directly proportional to how good looking you are:

20. That man needs to do some time what the hell would make you do this to such
a beautiful woman.
Posted at 8:45PM
on Feb 19th 2009 by chris

I think Chris is available on match.com and he promises not to beat you if you're pretty. How sweet.

Let's add some fake outrage while we're at it:

16. Seriously...how are you getting this? It seems like an invasion of privacy.
Nonetheless I am impressed. She looks so different...it's really sad that he
robbed a beautiful girl of her grammy night
Posted at 8:45PM
on Feb 19th 2009 by lilone -->

What an impressive invasion of privacy!!

Post 3 - Bank Throws Party, Conspiracy Theories Abound

I don't know why I didn't make this connection:

30. JUST LOOK AT THE PATTERN HERE...IT SEEMS THAT ALL CORRUPTIONS ARE
ORIGINATING IN CHICAGO. STARTING WITH OPRAH AND ENDING WITH OBAMA. ANYTHING IN
THE MIDDLE IS JUST AN ADDITION TO
NOT SURPRISE AT ALL!Posted at 2:19AM
<> on Feb 24th 2009 by michelle OSAMA

And, of course ...

Oh, and ONE MORE IMPORTANT POINT TO MAKE HERE.... THIS IS A BANK OUT OF CHICAGO!!!!!!!!!!!! ANYONE ELSE NOTICING ALL THE STORIES OF CORUPTION AND GREED COMING OUT OF ILLINOIS LATELY?????LEAST OF ALL ..ANYONE RECALL WHERE OUR PRESIDENT WAS A SENATOR- AND RESIDED!!!!!!!!!!!! ????WHEN WILL ALL THE DARN SHEEP PIECE THE PUZZLE TOGETHER, AND STOP DRINKING THEIR DAILY KOOL-AID!!?
Posted at 1:13AM on Feb 24th 2009 by eye rolls -->

Post 2 - Violence in Verona

Here's a sad story about a gas station clerk being shot and killer during a robbery in Verona, N.J. Not wanting to let the tragedy of the death get in their way, we have two choice comments for today.

One man tooting his own horn and waring against the dangers of using cash (too bad this station wasn't cash only or discount otherwise he's got a great self-serving point):

Posted by doomsdayhere on 02/22/09
at 9:03PM
I would remind all of you that I said on this site last year
that gas station robberies were going to increase with the number these cash
only and cash discount stations on the rise.Robbers aren't stupid.They saw this
as well.I haven't paid cash for gas since 1975.If you frequent these cash only
places,you could be taking your life into your hands.

Another looking for justice. He's right its better to wish death by garlic-induced blood poisoning than to risk offend anyone:

Posted by garretmtn on 02/22/09
at 9:40PM
Well, do we know anything about the holdup guy(s). We need to be
careful, we don't want to offend anyone. Let's hope that when they are caught
they resist arrest and the cops get to shoot them. No long trial, no sob stories
about their bad childhood, no do good lawyer trying to get the scumbag(s) a fair
trial, a Community Activists to plea the case, just some nice cold lead.
Hopefully the cops dip their bullets in garlic so if the bullet doesn't kill
them, they die of blood poisoning. May the Victim Rest In Peace and May The Lord
comfort his family and friends.

Post 1 - "Dear Hunting"

The story is about a man getting shot while deer hunting. After an extended "discussion" about how the original headline used "dear" instead of "deer", "Spacepunk"(apparently missing all of those comments) had this to say:

Posted by spacepunk on 02/20/09
at 3:27PM
"Why does someone from Lebanon need to come to America to
hunt dear? Did he have a valid passport?"

Welcome to Nobody

This is The Persnickety Project. In its simplest form it's commenting on commenting. We don't presume to have anything interesting to say. Nobody wants to hear about our day. We do, however, find it highly amusing to read some of the comments make about stories on some very popular websites. If you take the time you'll be treated to some of the most ignorant (ignorantest?), hateful and honest shit you can get anywhere. The point has been make a zillion times, but it still amazes us some of the things people will say and publish for all the world to see under the guise of anonymity.

So that's what we're going for here. It's kinda like watching news commentary, except the people are stupid. Actually, maybe it's exactly like watching news commentary.

Anyway, we find this crap hilarious and if one person actually finds this thing and chuckles, The Persnickety Project will be a rousing success.