Who needs a laser sight,
when you have your trusty flashlight gun?
What happens when a 30-year old professional football player dates a 19-year old cheerleader? Hilarity, that's what.
Jacksonville Jaguars wide receiver Kassim Osgood had to leap out a second-floor window late Monday to escape a gun-wielding man who had attacked him and a 19-year-old Roar cheerleader he was visiting in a home on Fort Caroline Road.
We can only assume that the 6'5", 225 lb. professional athlete leapt from the window with his girlfriend in his arms and whisked her away to safety. This guy's a total hero. Maybe they forgot to mention it or they're saving it for later in the story. Yeah, that's totally it. No way he left the girl, right?
By the time it was over, police said the armed intruder had traded gunfire with the woman after sticking a gun to her head, saying, “What did that football player say to his girlfriend, 'It’s a good day to die,' ” misquoting ex-Florida Gator Chris Rainey’s recent text message to a former girlfriend.
First of all, how unoriginal is this guy. Can't he even come up with his own menacing catch-phrase. Secondly, if you're going to plagiarize a fellow domestic violencer, don't misquote the guy, that's just poor form. Finally, everyone knows the answer to the question "What did the football player say to his girlfriend" is "No way the kid's mine."
Mackenzie Rae Putnal and Osgood, 30, were watching television in a second-floor game room just before 11:15 p.m. when a man walked in with his face covered with a plastic bag and pointed a gun at them. Exclaiming that “I can’t believe you’re with that guy,” he pulled Putnal around the room by her hair and hit her with gun and fists before hitting Osgood in the head with the weapon too, the arrest report said.
Watching TV in the game room - sounds like an awesome date for 7th graders. Wonder if they played "Candy Land" or just stuck with "Shoots and Ladders"? Still, it's better to hang out with a juvenile board game player than someone dumb enough to break into a house with a plastic bag over his face. Not only is it unlikely to hide your identify, but it's kinda dangerous right? They probably could have just waited until he passed out from lack of oxygen.
When ordered to sit on the floor, Putnal escaped down a hall and leaped over the balcony to the floor below, the report said. The gunman ran after her, so Osgood jammed a chair under the game room door handle and jumped out a window to the lawn below, running to a neighbor’s house to call police.
And we thought Osgood was superman. Apparently, he's more like one of the characters from "Heroes." Instead of protecting his girl from the crazed, plastic bag covered, gunman, he locked the door, barricaded it with a chair (to ensure she couldn't get back in) and jumped out the window to safety leaving her to fend for herself.
Meanwhile, Bartletto and Putnal confronted each other downstairs with guns. The woman targeted him with her laser sight before both shot at each other and missed.
Fending accomplished. Nice work lady. But, who the hell has a laser sight gun? Did she escape from "Call of Duty" of something. We're still partial to the Derek Morgan flashlight gun but its not a bad play on her part.
Of course, this is just the type of story we love because it invites (begs for?) dumb comments. The Jacksonville.com readers certainly obliged.
Hell yeah!!
By helloman1976 09/29/10 - 10:44 am
Too bad she missed! I'll pay for her gun classes any day. Good for her. I wish more citizens would eradicate criminals, or at least attempt to, in this same manner. Come to my house, I dare you.
Hell Yeah!! Bring on the laser sighted guns!! It's a shame we don't have more citizens with high powered aiming devices leaping over balconies and exchanging inaccurate gun fire with attackers covered in plastic bags. Criminals be advised, if you're into that sort of thing, Helloman's house (you can find his address under "H" in the online white pages) is the place to go. He triple dog dares you. He also bets you won't put your tongue on the metal pole in December.
What other words of wisdom can we find?
Welcome to Jacksonville!
By D.C. 09/29/10 - 12:49 pm
Where this is an everyday occurrence. That's all some people in this town do everyday, is shoot, kill, rob, and murder. They aren't man enough to fight the old fashioned way. They even kill 14 year old children, and shoot little girls, because they don't have the guts to even get close enough to the person they really want to shoot. They shoot into a crowd not caring who they hit or kill. They think they won't get caught, when they always do. They're just too stupid too know any better, because they drop out of school before they learn anything. Of course, Kassim shouldn't have been messin' with his woman. That will get you killed for sure.
If this type of thing happens in Jacksonville everyday, maybe they should send Steven Segal there for Season 3 of "Lawman." Ratings bonanza!! D.C. apparently years for the days when real men would challenge each other to duels with with a slap in the face from a leather glove, the old fashioned way. These days, you date a woman and you get killed. What has this world come to?
If only we could find some witty comment to lighten the mood.
Wow...really?
By revrodgers 09/29/10 - 12:58 pm
Shorty strapped up and went at that clown while the big Jag player ran away...was the thug wearing a Eagles or Chargers jersey?
OK, this isn't funny; someone could have lost their life but comeon! What kind of women are Jaguar players running after? I don't think I would have dated a lady with a laser-site equipped pistol. Maybe she should be on our O-line as she is the only person in Jacksonville that can protect a Jaguar.
Lock and load Jaguars!
Nevermind, he's right, that's not funny at all.
Kassim
By mattyjaxx06 09/29/10 - 01:23 pm
Sounds like a great night for Mr. Osgood....."chillin', watching some tube with a cheerleader, until "Mr. A##hole" starts cutting in on your dance card. It always seems that way, you start getting comfy with your ladyfriend and some "dillweed" tries to kill you. Good thing he could make that "Zorro drop" from the second floor. Being "Mr. Football" comes in handy sometimes. Hopefully the JSO gave "psycho" the ole' "watch your head" rountine when they threw him in the back of the cop car.
jaxxmatty06
That's right "MattyJaxx" or "JaxxMatty" of whatever the hell you call yourself you confused bastard. One question though, who or what exactly are you quoting?
Finally, when all else fails - blame the liberals.
A Daughter Like That.....
By jumpster95 09/30/10 - 10:11 am
Like I said before, I hope her father is not okay with this crap. For all you liberals out there, if there is one thing I respect about Islam is that the fathers of Muslim girls do not put up with this kind of "circus" with their daughters. Dad must be proud.
Damn liberals, they're totally cool with this type of stuff. Always buying there daughters laser sighted guns and encouraging them to date potentially violent guys and engage in firefights at the family home while wearing clown make-up and riding elephants. What a circus!
Jacksonville Jaguars wide receiver Kassim Osgood had to leap out a second-floor window late Monday to escape a gun-wielding man who had attacked him and a 19-year-old Roar cheerleader he was visiting in a home on Fort Caroline Road.
We can only assume that the 6'5", 225 lb. professional athlete leapt from the window with his girlfriend in his arms and whisked her away to safety. This guy's a total hero. Maybe they forgot to mention it or they're saving it for later in the story. Yeah, that's totally it. No way he left the girl, right?
By the time it was over, police said the armed intruder had traded gunfire with the woman after sticking a gun to her head, saying, “What did that football player say to his girlfriend, 'It’s a good day to die,' ” misquoting ex-Florida Gator Chris Rainey’s recent text message to a former girlfriend.
First of all, how unoriginal is this guy. Can't he even come up with his own menacing catch-phrase. Secondly, if you're going to plagiarize a fellow domestic violencer, don't misquote the guy, that's just poor form. Finally, everyone knows the answer to the question "What did the football player say to his girlfriend" is "No way the kid's mine."
Mackenzie Rae Putnal and Osgood, 30, were watching television in a second-floor game room just before 11:15 p.m. when a man walked in with his face covered with a plastic bag and pointed a gun at them. Exclaiming that “I can’t believe you’re with that guy,” he pulled Putnal around the room by her hair and hit her with gun and fists before hitting Osgood in the head with the weapon too, the arrest report said.
Watching TV in the game room - sounds like an awesome date for 7th graders. Wonder if they played "Candy Land" or just stuck with "Shoots and Ladders"? Still, it's better to hang out with a juvenile board game player than someone dumb enough to break into a house with a plastic bag over his face. Not only is it unlikely to hide your identify, but it's kinda dangerous right? They probably could have just waited until he passed out from lack of oxygen.
When ordered to sit on the floor, Putnal escaped down a hall and leaped over the balcony to the floor below, the report said. The gunman ran after her, so Osgood jammed a chair under the game room door handle and jumped out a window to the lawn below, running to a neighbor’s house to call police.
And we thought Osgood was superman. Apparently, he's more like one of the characters from "Heroes." Instead of protecting his girl from the crazed, plastic bag covered, gunman, he locked the door, barricaded it with a chair (to ensure she couldn't get back in) and jumped out the window to safety leaving her to fend for herself.
Meanwhile, Bartletto and Putnal confronted each other downstairs with guns. The woman targeted him with her laser sight before both shot at each other and missed.
Fending accomplished. Nice work lady. But, who the hell has a laser sight gun? Did she escape from "Call of Duty" of something. We're still partial to the Derek Morgan flashlight gun but its not a bad play on her part.
Of course, this is just the type of story we love because it invites (begs for?) dumb comments. The Jacksonville.com readers certainly obliged.
Hell yeah!!
By helloman1976 09/29/10 - 10:44 am
Too bad she missed! I'll pay for her gun classes any day. Good for her. I wish more citizens would eradicate criminals, or at least attempt to, in this same manner. Come to my house, I dare you.
Hell Yeah!! Bring on the laser sighted guns!! It's a shame we don't have more citizens with high powered aiming devices leaping over balconies and exchanging inaccurate gun fire with attackers covered in plastic bags. Criminals be advised, if you're into that sort of thing, Helloman's house (you can find his address under "H" in the online white pages) is the place to go. He triple dog dares you. He also bets you won't put your tongue on the metal pole in December.
What other words of wisdom can we find?
Welcome to Jacksonville!
By D.C. 09/29/10 - 12:49 pm
Where this is an everyday occurrence. That's all some people in this town do everyday, is shoot, kill, rob, and murder. They aren't man enough to fight the old fashioned way. They even kill 14 year old children, and shoot little girls, because they don't have the guts to even get close enough to the person they really want to shoot. They shoot into a crowd not caring who they hit or kill. They think they won't get caught, when they always do. They're just too stupid too know any better, because they drop out of school before they learn anything. Of course, Kassim shouldn't have been messin' with his woman. That will get you killed for sure.
If this type of thing happens in Jacksonville everyday, maybe they should send Steven Segal there for Season 3 of "Lawman." Ratings bonanza!! D.C. apparently years for the days when real men would challenge each other to duels with with a slap in the face from a leather glove, the old fashioned way. These days, you date a woman and you get killed. What has this world come to?
If only we could find some witty comment to lighten the mood.
Wow...really?
By revrodgers 09/29/10 - 12:58 pm
Shorty strapped up and went at that clown while the big Jag player ran away...was the thug wearing a Eagles or Chargers jersey?
OK, this isn't funny; someone could have lost their life but comeon! What kind of women are Jaguar players running after? I don't think I would have dated a lady with a laser-site equipped pistol. Maybe she should be on our O-line as she is the only person in Jacksonville that can protect a Jaguar.
Lock and load Jaguars!
Nevermind, he's right, that's not funny at all.
Kassim
By mattyjaxx06 09/29/10 - 01:23 pm
Sounds like a great night for Mr. Osgood....."chillin', watching some tube with a cheerleader, until "Mr. A##hole" starts cutting in on your dance card. It always seems that way, you start getting comfy with your ladyfriend and some "dillweed" tries to kill you. Good thing he could make that "Zorro drop" from the second floor. Being "Mr. Football" comes in handy sometimes. Hopefully the JSO gave "psycho" the ole' "watch your head" rountine when they threw him in the back of the cop car.
jaxxmatty06
That's right "MattyJaxx" or "JaxxMatty" of whatever the hell you call yourself you confused bastard. One question though, who or what exactly are you quoting?
Finally, when all else fails - blame the liberals.
A Daughter Like That.....
By jumpster95 09/30/10 - 10:11 am
Like I said before, I hope her father is not okay with this crap. For all you liberals out there, if there is one thing I respect about Islam is that the fathers of Muslim girls do not put up with this kind of "circus" with their daughters. Dad must be proud.
Damn liberals, they're totally cool with this type of stuff. Always buying there daughters laser sighted guns and encouraging them to date potentially violent guys and engage in firefights at the family home while wearing clown make-up and riding elephants. What a circus!
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