To prove that we're not totally full of crap when we say we love feedback from our reader, we decided to take a request:
Subject: How about a post on the best quarterbacks coming out in the draft
I was talking with some people about who they think are the best QBs and they think the media is biased. What do you think? Why do you think that the media collectively views Andrew Luck as a better QB than Cam Newton? I would be curious to hear the projects thoughts on this one.
We currently working on the first draft of our 2010 NFL Mock Draft (unfortunately we had to start over after Luck announced he was going back to Stanford) but since the quarterbacks are generally the biggest stories on draft day we figured a separate post was in order. Today, we'll do a rundown of the guys likely to go in the first round. With teams like the Panthers, Bills, Bengals, Cardinals, 49ers, Titans, Redskins, Vikings and Dolphins all potentially in the market for QBs things could get very interesting.
Finding a Quarterback
We're looking at first rounders because that seems like a good place to find them if you want to be a playoff team. Don't believe us?
Check out the passers for our 2010 playoff participants and how they ended up on their teams (we refuse to acknowledge the Seahawks as a playoff team):
New York Jets - Mark Sanchez (1st round)
Indianapolis Colts - Peyton Manning (1st overall)
Kansas City Chiefs - Matt Cassel (picked in 7th round by New England Patriots, acquired by Chiefs with Mike Vrabel for 2nd round draft pick, signed to a 6-year, $63 million contract)
Baltimore Ravens - Joe Flacco (1st round)
Pittsburgh Steelers - Ben Roethlisberger (1st round)
New England Patriots - Tom Brady (6th round - biggest steal in draft history)
New Orleans Saints - Drew Brees (1st pick in 2nd round by San Diego Chargers, signed as free agent after a serious shoulder injury. Rep and the Chargers decision to replace him with the 4th overall pick, Phillip Rivers)
Philadelphia Eagles - The Dogkiller - (1st overall by the Atlanta Falcons. You may have heard his story)
Green Bay Packers - Aaron Rodgers (1st round - picked despite the presence of Brett Favre)
Chicago Bears - Jay Cutler (1st round, Denver Broncos. Acquired for Kyle Orton and first-round picks in 2009 (18th overall) and 2010, along with a third-round pick (84th overall) in 2009.)
Atlanta Falcons - Matt Ryan (1st round)
As you can see, while you don't have to be a first round pick it does help (though success is far from guaranteed) and if you're not going to get your guy through the trade you'd better be prepared to pay in both picks and contract extensions to get one. Even the awful Seahawks had to use draft picks to aquire their quarterbacks (they swapped 2nd and 3rd round picks with San Diego to get Whitehurst, a former 3rd round pick who was a career-long back-up and long ago they got Hasselbeck (a former 6th rounder and back-up) for a swap of 1st rounders and a 3rd.)
Bias?
In a word: no. Given all the money and jobs on the line when they turn in that little card to the commissioner, the decision makers can't afford to be biased against anything but players who they think can't make the transition from college to pro football and life. They'd pick a guy who killed their grandmother if they knew he'd throw 30 TDs and win them two rings.
Even quarterbacks picked in the first round isn't without risks (the ratio of hits to busts is probably around 50/50). Sure, if you pick the right one (say, Peyton Manning) you end up with a string of playoff berths and a Super Bowl trophy but if you miss, you're the Cincinnati Bengals. You waste absurd amounts of money on busts like Dave Klingler and Akili Smith and then try to correct your mistake by spending pick after pick until you find the right guy (Carson Palmer, at least for a few years) and never build up the roster to properly surround your leader. Oh yeah and if you're the GM who screws up the pick you get fired. (Do you think Bill Polian, a Hall-of-Fame GM, would still be running the Colts if he drafted Ryan Leaf over Peyton Manning?) So, in an effort to protect their jobs, NFL talent evaluators will look for anything and everything - character, size, injuries, playing style, collegiate scheme - that could hinder a guy's ability to be a successful pro. It's almost like general managers are trying to find reason NOT to draft a guy. They'd rather pass on a good one then pick a bad one.
Evaluating Quarterbacks
Part of what makes the evaluation so tricky is that college and pro football are essentially two different sports. We've heard it said that in college everyone is open where in the pros nobody is. College is all about wide-open spread offenses, less condensed talent and uneven competition. Oftentimes, the quarterback is the best athlete on the field and can simply dominate the competition on pure physical talent. In the NFL is doesn't work that way. Quarterbacks face defenses filled with guys who were all best guy on their college team and coached by sociopaths who spend 100 hours a week trying to figure out how to stop them. Maybe, Cam Newton might be able to run all over Ol Miss 25 times but if he tries that crap against Ol Ray Lewis he's going to die.
So in making their evaluations, NFL teams tend to gravitate towards guys who already have experience in "pro-style systems:, i.e. guys who take snaps from under center, work play action, etc, as opposed to guys who come from the spread. It's easier to project a guy to be good on the pro-level when you've seen him do the things he'll need to do there while in college. That's how a comparatively less spectacular guy like Andrew Luck could be considered the hands-down #1 pick over Cam Newton, the author of perhaps the most dominant single season a college football player has ever had. Never underestimate the lack of imagination possessed by teams.
Similarly, NFL teams don't look at the skills that make a college player dominant but at the ones they think translate to the pro game - height, arm strength, accuracy, football intelligence, the ability to operate within the pocket and, hopefully, leadership. We tend to think height and arm strength are kind of overrated while teams don't consider a guys accuracy and, especially, leadership quite enough. If a guy can't lead a bunch of enthusiastic college kids how is he going to win over a bunch of dudes who's paychecks are on the line. Teams that don't put enough focus on this one end up with Jeff George and Matt Leinart and Vince Young.
Sometimes skills that extremely effective in college, like running ability, are considered a detriment. Teams will often look a guy who ran alot in college and see a player who won't stay in the pocket and and could therefore subject heir $100 million dollar investment to unnecessary punishment and ultimately injury. Nobody wants to go bowling with their Faberge egg.
Now that we've set the evaluation table, we'll take a look at the guys likely to be entrusted with NFL teams in the near future.
The Guys
Andrew Luck
When we started writing this Luck was the consensus, lock-down, no-brainer and every other adjective you could think of #1 pick in the draft. He's been described as the best, most well-rounded quarterback prospect since John Elway. Today, he announced he was staying at Stanford and forgoing the 2010 draft. Apparently, he really loves school though if you're looking for an ulterior motive you can just look at where he would have gone - Carolina. Can't say we blame him for wanting to take a chance on coming up with someplace better next season.
Still, in anticipation of next year, we'll talk a little about what makes him so special in the eyes of NFL evaluators. He's gets high grades in all the important categories: (1) physical traits - excellent size (6'4"), mobility, arm strength, accuracy, (2) production - 32 touchdowns and a ridiculous 71% completion percentage, (3) character - every sportswriter in America seems to have a man-crush ) and (4) he comes from a pro-style offense. He's as close to can't miss as you get and probably, without exaggeration, the best prospect since Peyton. Even for someone as negative as us, we have a hard time coming up with things to pick on. He kinda has big teeth?
Best Case NFL Comp - Peyton Manning
Realistic NFL Comp - Aaron Rodgers
Cam Newton
We'll say this right off the bat - we love Cam Newton. We love his NFL potential and if we had to pick one quarterback in this draft now that Luck is out we'd go with Newton. We just got through a lengthy discussion of how different college and pro football are but Newton's absolute dominance this season can't be completely overlooked. Maybe it's not predictive but it does show that he's not just a guy with a ton of talent but one that can produce. Physically, he's a freak. Not only is he huge (6'6", 250) but he's also extremely fast and strong. He's got the arm strength and, we think, underrated accuracy. Plus, he just makes plays and his teammates seem to respond to him as their leader. He reminds us of a faster Daunte Culpepper who - before his gruesome knee injury - played at an MVP level for the Vikings.
He's not without his issues though. Lots of people think his accuracy isn't where it needs to be and playing in Auburn's system didn't give him a chance to prove his aptitude in a pro-style offense. Finally, there's the character thing. We're not talking about all the stuff about his dad trying to sell his services (we could really care less about that) put he has been accused of cheating and stealing - teams won't overlook that stuff easily.
We think he'll go quite high in the draft (we think he could end up in the mix for #1 come April) in part because of the relative success guys like Vick and Tebow had this year (Newton doesn't have Vick's short area quickness but he is fast while Tebow-like size to protect him from getting killed). Teams are looking for the guy who can throw from the pocket while making plays outside it when necessary while not getting injured. Those guys are few and far between and Newton just might be the real thing. Teams won't pass for long.
Best-Case NFL Comp - Vick-bow, a truly unique quarterback
Realistic NFL Comp - Daunte Culpepper, 2009 Vince Young at worst
Blaine Gabbert
We'll admit, we haven't seen Gabbert play so we can only go on what we've read and heard. Right now he seems to be very popular with evaluators because he possesses lots of the checklist qualities they look for. Size? 6''5", 240. Check. Arm strength? Check. Accuracy? Check. Mobility? Good enough. Leadership? He's a saint. He's like Andrew Luck-lite. He only loses points for coming from a spread system and occasionally forcing the ball into coverage. His numbers don't jump out at you (16 TDs, 9 INTs, 63% completion) but everyone seems to agree he's a solid Top 5-10 guy.
Best-Case NFL Comp - Matt Hasselbeck (before he totally sucked), Phil Simms
Realistic NFL Comp - Jake Delhomme (before he totally sucked)
Jake Locker
Locker is an interesting player. He would have challenged Sam Bradford as the #1 overall pick last season , and seemed like he'd be this year's top pick before going to Washington for his senior year and having a disastrous season. He was beat up repeatedly behind a weak offensive line, came up small against top opponents (4-20, 71 yards, 1 TD, 2 INTs and 5/16 for 56 yards in two games against Nebraska) and generally lost himself a ton of money. Now he's not even guaranteed to go before the 2nd round.
Before this season everyone seemed to want him to be the next John Elway, citing his elite speed, arm strength and toughness while blaming his team for his utter lack of production. Despite playing for noted passing scheme guru and former USC assistant Steve Sarkisian, even in his best season he only completed 58% of his passes while throwing 21 TDs and 11 INTs. Those certainly aren't the kind of numbers you'd expect from a high first round pick or the next John Elway. Still, it only takes one team to fall in love and we think his physical attributes and toughness will push him into the first 15 picks on draft day.
Best Case NFL Comp - Steve McNair/Donovan McNabb/Ben Roethlisberger
Realistic NFL Comp - David Garrard
Ryan Mallett
The Man with the Golden Arm. Mallett's ability to throw the football makes NFL teams absolutely drool. He might have the strongest arm of any football player in the world right now. He's also got the size (6'7"), the ability and demeanor to push the ball down field, played in a pro-style system at Louisville, had great production (32 Tds, 65% completion) and is reported to be a fierce competitor (though from what we've seen he might get a little too fired up at times). That should be enough to get him drafted in the high to mid first round. He's got two main flaws, however. One is accuracy, particularly on short throws. From what we've seen he fires a few too many passes at his receivers feet. The second downside for him is he's an absolute statue in the pocket. He just doesn't move, it's like he's wearing cement shoes. Guys who do that are sitting ducks for NFL caliber pass rushers. Arm strength doesn't matter so much when you're getting hit.
Best Case NFL Comp: Late career Dan Marino that couldn't move/Drew Bledsoe
Realistic NFL Comp: Kerry Collins
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Things We Hate - Lazy Diabolical Parking Meters
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| Planning on parking here today? Too fucking bad. |
Here's the deal. I’m from Westfield so I’m doing pretty well. In fact, I don’t even need to work. I just do it to keep busy so you know I really could give a crap about my job. So what if I'm supposed to take your money, in whatever form you choose to use, and grant you the right to park in one of the few not-snow-covered spots in my lot. Maybe I just don’t feel like counting coins today. Those things are so heavy and there’s all those different sizes and denominations, it’s a lot of work. So I’ll just spit them out or maybe keep them, whatever. Plus, it’s cold outside and I’m metal.
Maybe tomorrow I’ll decide I don’t like your particular type of dollar bills. I don't care how many times you try to smooth them out. No dice asshole. Still, you can bring them over, there’s no sign on me to tell you I’m not taking them and when you try to pay, maybe I’ll make a weird noise. Or maybe I’ll just sit there and do nothing like I'm in a coma. Or maybe I’ll take your dollar. And then maybe I won’t. And then maybe I’ll take your dollar for a second. And then maybe I won’t. If I’m feeling really salty, maybe I’ll take one of your dollars and not the other. Oh, it’s hilarious when that happens. It’s great just to see the crushed look on your face as you try to figure out what to do next since you’re out of quarters from parking here for 3 months.
Don’t be silly and press the refund button, that will just get you a piece of paper that says something cryptic like “notes refund.” What is that? Who knows but it won’t buy you an Arizona Iced Tea.
Maybe you can put some dimes and nickles in? It will only take about 50 of them. Hope you have big hands. Go ahead, we dare you. We’ll take some of them … but not them all!! Maybe we didn’t like the taste of that last one so you’re not getting your 6 minutes. Oh, and we're not even going to think about giving it back to you. No chance. You can punch me all you want. You can break out those karate kicks you’ve been practicing like a douche in the basement. None of it will work. Did you forget, I'm made of metal baby!! Your coins are mine and you can’t have them.
So why don’t you just push the little green button, take the hour of time I gave you and be grateful you get to park here at all. We’ll see you every hour on the hour. Hope that doesn’t screw up your work day, asshole.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Real Football - What Should Have Been a Goodbye to Tom Coughlin
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| Hey Tom, is it cold out or did someone jut poor acid on your face? |
So it's with an overly dramatic heavy heart, we say that the Giants made a mistake by not firing him. It's not because the Giants - a team with a Top 10 defense AND offense that lead the league in takeaways and sat 8 minutes from a division title and a potential first round bye - missed the playoffs because they couldn't stop giving the ball to the other team. And it’s not even because we think he’s a bad coach. In fact, we don't think there are 5coaches we'd rather have. (If you’re wondering we’d only rather have, in no particular order, Belichick, Fisher and Payton definitely and arguably guys like Reid, Tomlin, Ryan, Shanahan and Smith.) So, if he's a Top 10 coach and not to blame for this year's collapse, why should be be fired?
Professional sports is not the place to look for figures sympathetic to those of us to dwell helplessly in the real world. In it's simplest terms, it's a group of people, getting paid enormous sums of money to be involved in games that we love. Still, if there’s one group that deserves our sympathy (except for say, members of the Jets massage therapy department) it’s the coaches. Coaches are like bread, you can do lots of things to keep them fresh but eventually they get moldy and end up on the trash heap. Unless you are an all-time 1st tier level coach (and sometimes even if you are) not matter how good you are at your job and how much you win, at some point you're time is just up. Players stop hearing what you have to say, your message falls on deaf ears and, when that happens you're screwed. When we talk about the message not being heard we’re talking about one thing – the players stop listening. Yeah, “professional” athletes who get paid tons of money just decide they’re done listening to their boss. Basically, you lose the players (the individuals who you are supposed to view you as a authority figure), you lose your job. As unfair as it may seem, it's the business. Any rational owner, when faced with the decision to get rid of a coach making $3m or a roster of players making upwards of $125 million, has no choice. Coaches might a relative-to-reality ridiculous amount of money but remain completely underpaid when it comes to the real powers. So feel a little bad for coaches and feel bad for Tom Coughlin because no matter how good a coach he is, that's what happened to him.
When you look back at a season where week after week the team committed the same mistakes, namely turnovers, and week after week Coughlin stood up at his press conference and vowed to make changes only to see the same thing happen again. Sure, the players were the ones at fault, fumbling the ball, failing to make catches and throwing interceptions but it's the coach's sole responsibility to put his players in positions (on the field or on the bench) so that the same things don't happen repeatedly. Without that, he's useless. Combine those mistakes with the Giants propensity to fade down the stretch (perhaps a result of Coughlin's tendency to work the team so hard during training camp leads to them peaking at the wrong time) and you come to the inescapable conclusion that a coach only 3 years removed from a Super Bowl victory and who had only one below .500 team in seven season has lost his team and it's time to go.
By not recognizing this reality, the Giants are also foregoing a golden opportunity to salvage any remaining championship potential the core of this team has. By bringing him back, the Giants apparently believe that, despite any supporting proof, that the team will contend next season. But, if they really do think the roster is good enough (there's no indication that they will or even should cut ties with veterans and start a rebuilding process under the oldest coach in the league), they're taking a huge risk entrusting one of the final years of its peak to a Coach who the evidence suggests has lost the room. If they predictably fall short, the team will have to the find a new coach and either try to squeeze out a contender from a potentially aging roster or rebuild completely. That scary scenario becomes even more frightening when you consider the fact that the team is sitting out an offseason where an abundance of proven coaches are available. No matter how you feel about them you can’t argue that Cowher (who allegedly listed New York as one of his preferred destinations), Gruden, Billick and potentially Fisher and Fox are all viable coaches who could step into a contending team and potentially be the difference. (We happen to like Cowher and Fisher above the rest by a substantial margin) They might not be better but they are different and that's what matters most. It's hard for us to imagine passing up the opportunity to replace one Top 10 coach another. At the very least, the new coach would get a year of learning and adjusting the personnel to make a run before Osi and the offensive line are rendered ineffective in 2 years.
Too bad.
A quick note on Jim Harbaugh: If he ever wants to be an NFL coach - and that's an IF - now is the time. His stock will never ever be higher. Chances are, if he loses Luck to the draft, his and Stanford's BCS appearances will go on hiatus. Even if he went to Michigan, the time it would take to turn the program around - including having to recruit all new players for the change from RichRod's spread to his power system (ironically a change back from the one RichRod had to make) - would certainly dim his star a little. Bottom line, the NFL doesn't hire mediocre college coaches. But what about his dream of being the head coach of his alma mater? You can always go back to college. Nothing he can do in the pros will hurt his stock, colleges hire failed NFL coaches all the time and unless Michigan hires the next Bo Schembechler, they'll still want him in 3 years if the NFL thing isn't to his liking.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
The Persnickety Project's Year in Review - An Exercise in Shameful Self Promotion
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| Are you ready for some horn tootin? |
So join us in celebrating the most self-congratulatory holiday of all, New Year's ("What a great year I had. I was just awesome. Oh, and next year? It's going to be even better." No it's not and you're a liar.) by checking out The Mrs. picks (Toot! Toot!). We'll even do it "New Year's Rocking Eve" style (just try not to imagine Dick Clark doing the countdown, that's just too depressing):
5. Things We Hate - Do They Know It's Christmas
She totally threw us a bone on this one because we were afraid our well researched, impeccably drafted attack on Band Aid might have gotten lost in the shuffle of the holiday season. What's more likely is that everyone ignored it because ripping a 25 year old song is kinda lame. To quote a random old person: "Six to one, half a dozen to another."
4. Hot Stove Predictions That Are Already Wrong
The Mrs. is a sucker for anything involving baseball and this one was particularly appealing because it held promises of Cliff Lee joining her Yankees. We get bonus points for actually getting a few of them right. As they say: "Even the sun shines on a dogs balls once in awhile." (Nobody says that. Is that even a saying?)
3. Holiday Gift Guide to Gift Giving - Part Deuce
Not only was this one super helpful for all you shoppers out there but The Mrs. was particularly fond of the focus on extremely expensive things (apparently she takes this as a sign that, despite our continued failure to purchase them, we are aware expensive things do exist.) She also preferred Part Deuce over Part 1 because we left Crate and Barrel alone this time. She's very protective of certain things.
2. Thoughts on Eric LeGrande
Like Adam Sandler in "Punch Drunk Love" this was our rare attempt at showing our serious side.
1. Things We Hate - Kids Safety Alert Signs
According to our better half this is the funniest thing we've written (high praise, we know!!). After reading it you won't be surprised to find out we don't have children.
Do you feel dirty yet? We do.
Still, that's not going to stop us from throwing out an honorable mention to our "Things We Hate - That Creepy Geico Commercial", which somehow managed to get 180+ pageviews (this can only be a result of accidental googling). Also, for what it's worth our personal favorites are: (1) Train Blech our attempt to point out the idiocy of a couple of Train songs which stands out primarily because it was our first real attempt at writing something "original" and not just killing dumb commenters; and (2) "Stupid Commenter Beatdown - You Got Your Hives in My Peanut Butter" because we got to make fun of people with food allergies.
Definitely time for a shower now. Thanks to everyone for reading and for the 30 of you willing to put your reputations on the line and sign up as followers, we are forever indebted to you. In closing we'll ask (not rhetorically) what where your favorites? Even if they're all shit remember it's relative. And if you have a fave, why not pass it along to your large groups of very cool, trendsetting friends? You're an influential person, why not influence people to read The Project. Not to get all Sally Struthers on you but WE NEED YOUR HELP.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Fantasy Football - You Ruined My F'n Day - Week 16 - Season Finale
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| You: Screwed. Next Right. |
Anyway, commuting sucks. Last night, we had another one of our patented 50-miles in 3 hours drives home. The thing that made this one so special is that it wasn't just the traffic that slowed us down, it was the 2 hour gas stop we made.
How does it take 2 hours to get gas? Well, when you're parked on the side of the turnpike waiting for AAA, those things tend to take awhile. Yeah, that's right, we ran out of gas. We were totally the asshole sitting pitifully in the shoulder with their hazards on, playing angry birds and hating their life.
There really is no excuse for running out of gas. First of all, there is now way you can drive a modern car and not realize your about to run out of fuel. This isn't 1950, our cars have systems designed solely to protect us from our own stupidity. It takes a special person like us to beat the system. Not only do you have the little gas light that shines arrogantly at you. You might not know exactly how much gas you have left but the light does. It's not going to tell you though, it's happy to just dare you Dirty Harry-style to NOT heed its warning. Add to that the trip odometer that, if you reset it like we do, gives you a pretty good idea of how far you can go and the 4,000 gas stations you pass on every drive and running out of gas means quite simply that you are a fool. Still, none of those things prevented us from experiencing that unique feeling that happens when your car gives that little shake that says "I'm out of gas, Jackass!!" and and coasts quietly from 80 to 0 as you try your best to not rip the steering wheel off.
What makes the situation even worse is that we actually pulled into a gas station not a mile before. But, in our commuting induced hurry, it was just too crowded for our liking. So what if the fuel light came on right when we got in the car, we can't be bothered to wait 5 minutes, we have important things to do like eating and working out so we feel better about what we just ate. Besides, nobody ever runs out of gas. It just doesn't happen. Right?
So why would someone make sure a stupid decision? Well, like we said commuting sucks. It turns us into a time-obsessed monster. Anyone who's commuted to a job or school on a drive that took more than 30 minutes knows, particularly if your commute involves the possibility or reality of traffic, it changes you. The only thing you care about is getting home in the shortest amount of time possible. Fuck everything else. At the end of the work day you run from your desk like Fred Flinstone at quitting time at the rock quarry. Need to go to the bathroom? Screw it, you can hold it. Drinks with friends? Sorry, no. Can you pick up something for the house on the way home? Yabba Dabba Don't Even Ask. Once your in the car, it's all Mr. Hyde and road rage becomes the default setting. Forget courtesy, if you're going to let someone turn in front of you, you'd better be prepared to feel our wrath.
So it was with that backdrop that we made the fateful decision to bypass the gas station and press our luck. Unfortunately, about a mile later we hit a whammy. At 7:15 we called AAA and they said they'd be there "within the half hour." We know better then to trust their estimates but when they finally showed up 9:00 we were more than a little pissed. To that point we had stayed in the car which was a good thing because when we got out to fill pay the gas dude, we felt like we stepped into the middle of a monster move. Holy crap its scary!! Not only is the wind whipping at 176 miles per hour, freezing your hands instantly, but there might not be much that is more disconcerting than a bus buzzing by you at 75. To make matter worse, because of the winter wonderland we're currently living in, there's hardly any room on the side of the road and our "pulled over" meant we were essentially 1 cm from the right lane (we were so close you could actually smell the disdain from the other drivers as they passed). Needless to say, we gained a ton of respect for the gas dude as he stood there holding his breath and (we assume) praying he wasn't going to end up as the new hood ornament for a Peter Pan bus.
So we got out gas and got home losing only some of our precious time. We'd like to say we've learned our lesson but, we'll probably do the same thing next time, we've got to get home and sit on the couch!! Plus, nobody runs out of gas, twice, right? So if you see our dumb ass on the side of the road, honk and say hi.
On to the football guys. For most of us, last week was the Fantasy Football Super Bowl - the most important yet completely meaningless event in our lives. Let's take a look at the guys who killed or saved our fantasy seasons.
Btw - Congrats to The Darkwing Ducks for winning our league!! So what if we still think our team was better, you're the champ brother.
1. Vincent Jackson, Wide Receiver, San Diego Superchargers;
Seriously, dude? Last week, when everyone in their right minds and not COMPLETELY desperate had him on their benches, he finally showed a glimpse of what could have been with a monster 5 catch, 112 yard and 3 touchdown performance (after a combined 2 catches for 29 yards in the two games he'd played). So maybe he's back and ready to contribute? Nope, this week he kills you the other way with 4 catches for 54 yards. Thanks Vincent. It's one thing for you to screw your real life team by not showing up until Week 11 but once you start screwing us and our fantasy teams you can go to hell. So glad we wasted a pick and then a season-long roster spot on you all season. Much better then picking up Peyton Hillis or Mike Vick.
2. Cedric Benson, Running Back, Cincinnati Bengals;
Continuing our theme of getting killed by guys who we gave up on only to have them rekill you the next week, he present the case of Cedric Benson. Last time we spoke, we declared him to again be the bust everyone thought he was in Chicago (rebust?) then he destroys the Browns with 150 yards and a touchdown and costs somebody a playoff game they should have easily won against an inferior team. What does that prove? Well, for one, Cedric Benson clearly reads The Project (why are you not signed up as a follower Ced?). Secondly, well, nothing since he followed that up with a useless 52 yarder on Sunday. Let's move on before we kill someone.
3. Receivers, Dallas Cowboys;
Rookie and "Guy in the Midst of a Breakout" Dez Bryant broke his damn leg a few weeks ago, leaving the passing game in the hands of Miles Austin and Jason Witten, two guys who both came up huge this week but had vastly different seasons. Austin, last year's fantasy "Out of Nowhere Guy", has had about as disappointing a follow-up as you can have from last year's breakout (81 catches, 1320 yards, 11 scores) with only 67 catches for under 1,000 yard so far this season (losing Romo didn't help, but that excuse doesn't make your season any better). His numbers look even worse when you consider that half his catches came in the first 4 games. Since week 8, he's been (save for a fluke 2 catch, 2 TD performance in Week 11) completely useless. Of course, this week he gives you 6 catches, 115 yards and a score in the Super Bowl. Good for you if you played him.
Witten on the other hand has been fantasy football's best tight end. He was solid on Sunday with 8 catches, 45 yards and a score capping off a huge playoff performance (25 catches, 250 yards, 4 TDs) but for the season was even better sitting third in the league in catches (90 with 3 double digit catch games and 10 with more than 5 catches) while leading all TEs in yards and grabbing 8 touchdowns (second only to Gates who had 10 in 10 games and 7 in his first 5 games).
4. Ben-Jarvis Green-Ellis, Running Back, New England Patriots;
The Raging Hippos are the 2000's-era New York Yankees of fantasy football. We just don't get it. Every year, we wheel and deal to get the best (read: biggest name) players on our team and every year we end up, despite those big names, disappointed. Hopefully, some day we'll learn that it's the lesser known guys like "The Law Firm" (yuck!!) who win you titles. He's the sneaky guy you put in your line-up when your "better" guy has a tough match-up and wins you a game. It's like the San Fransisco Giants embodied in one fake football player. On Sunday, his 104 yards, while not spectacular, where a perfect end to a fantasy season where he cracked the top 17 in rushing while tying for second in rushing TDs with 12. Never spectacular, always useful - The Law Firm.
5. Peyton Hillis, Running Back, Cleveland Browns;
We've sung his praises here before but every one's favorite white running back picked a really bad time to (literally) stop running over his opponents. After being pretty much the story of the fantasy season, his production has fallen off a cliff the last two weeks. After a weak but not terrible 83 total yard performance in Week 15, Hillis delivered a Thurman Thomas-like Super Bowl with 12 carries for 35 yards, 1 catch for 5 and ZERO touchdowns. That's what you get for trusting the Albino Rhino.
6. Dwayne Bowe, Wide Receiver, Kansas City Chiefs;
If Hillis was Thurman Thomas then Bowe was Timmy Smith in Super Bowl XXII. Sure, he'd had a great season, but after 3 combined catches in the last 3 weeks, we started to wonder whether magic was gone. Apparently not. Bowe came up huge with 6 catches, 153 yards and a touchdown - a performance that won a ton of titles for his patient and loyal owners (and left the impatient ones to burn him in effigy)
7. New Passing Game, Denver Broncos;
So what do we make of Mr. Timothy Tebow? Well, we can't help but be impressed that it only took him two NFL starts to crack the 300 yard mark despite a pre-draft billing that made it seem like he could only throw underhand. Sure we'd expect defenses to catch-up with him a bit and he probably won't ever be a star like he was at UF but if he can develop into a solid passer, the additional sneaky value that comes with his running ability makes him a potential back-up for next season. Think, Michael Vick except his off-field isse is spelled backwards.
Tebow's solid start brought about the return of Brandon Lloyd who, after a 15 catch, 111 yard game now LEADS THE NFL IN RECEIVING YARDS. Yeah, that statement is 100% true. Deal with it if you can. Can't wait to see him over drafted next season.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Stupid Commenter Beatdown - "Wait, Wait, Don't Ask, Don't Tell Me"
Controversy Alert!!
 |
| Attention Enemies of the United States of America: Beware of this man, on a unicorn, with a rifle ... SHOOTING RAINBOWS!!. |
In an act of stunning contempt for voters, members of the lame duck Congress last week threw out the military’s ban on openly gay soldiers.
How dare they take a step to remove one small hurdle to equality in such a completely legal and constitutionally allowable manner. How contemptuous!! What's next, will they extend tax cuts or ratify a nuclear arms treaty?
Poking their collective thumb in the eye of an electorate which last month decisively turned many of them out of office, the Congress voted to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” a longstanding compromise on homosexuals serving in the military.
Apparently, the bill was sponsored by Congressmen M. Howard, L. Fine and C. Howard. Are we really calling this thing a compromise? Don't both parties have to give something up for it to qualify? So, in exchange for being able to join our exclusive club that will allow you to die and kill for your country, all you have to do is give up your identity. Oh, and if you slip up or somebody decides they don't like you and blows your cover, we get to kick you out and and end your career.
The action of this lame duck House is like punching the boss between the time you get fired and when you clean out your desk. It is like spilling your drink on your fiancé just after she dumps you a week before the wedding.
Except that it's not. Also, are we the only ones confused by when exactly the drink is getting spilled on the fiance in that scenario? We need a Venn Diagram to figure it out.
The Senate voted 65 to 31 to repeal DADT, which permitted homosexual soldiers to serve as long as they did not advertise their sexual practices.
Does that mean they can post about it on The Facebook to their 35 friends? That's how we advertise!!
Many opponents of overturning DADT have predicted that recruitment and re-enlistments will suffer ... said Sen. John McCain ... “But don’t think there won’t be a great cost.”
So, we'll be taking away guns and hero status from people who are so goddamn uncomfortable with gays that they'd completely abandon their position and just go home? Very costly.
As everyone knows (everyone, that is, except perhaps this Congress), voters dealt a decisive rebuke to House Democrats a few short weeks ago ... There is no doubt that much of the anger directed at the Democrats was the result of irresponsible fiscal policies that have produced an enormous budget deficit. In that sense, this was an election about economics.
And that's relevant, how?
But Republicans, and conservatives, are more than just economic creatures. Most are also conservatives on social policy, from abortion to gay rights. Although many voters chose Republicans for economic reasons, a substantial number voted Republican because they also favor conservative social policies.
Oh, we see, it's relevant so you can make a Favrian-Ego sized leap to this bullshit argument. Gotcha. So, the anti-incumbent, anti-whatever sentiment, admittedly fueled by the economic downturn, that lead to a bunch of Democrats losing their jobs means that its some referendum of gay rights? What about the representatives elected two years ago on a platform, which was in part based on repealing DADT?
DADT doesn’t bar gays from serving in the military, even though homosexual conduct remains against military regulations. As a concession, the conduct is overlooked, just so long as that conduct is not paraded in front of everyone.
Oh well, when you put it that way.
DADT merely asks that the military not adopt the radical gay rights agenda, one in which “openly” gay soldiers can force everyone to accept their lifestyle. But as a result of the chutzpah of this lame duck Congress, that radical agenda is about to become official military policy.
Other items feared by this guy to be on the "Radical Gay Agenda":
1. Electing Lady Gaga as president, with "Ross The Intern" as her running mate;
2. Having cast of Glee record the country's official version of the National Anthem;
3. Declaring January 13th "Charles Nelson Reilly Day."
Seriously though, why does everyone think that every Paul Lynde and Ellen DeGeneres out there is going to run to join the army now? They're not and it has nothing to do with being gay. Military life sucks. Get yelled at, eat shitty food, leave my family all for the right to go to the desert and get shot at? Fabulous!!
Even apart from combat, for example, permitting gay soldiers to advertise their sexuality will disrupt unit cohesion. Just as women resist showering with men because of possible sexual overtones, heterosexual soldiers will find their privacy suddenly violated.
If you're comfortable having your dinkus out in front of a bunch of dudes, does it matter if one of them is openly gay? What exactly does that change?
Those members of the House and Senate who voted to overturn DADT did so after a steady drumbeat of left-wing propaganda. The media repeated the liberal assertion that allowing gays to serve openly was similar to integrating African-Americans into the military – a comparison that offends many blacks.
Ohh fuck you. What does that even mean? We're not trying to tell anyone how anyone should feel about being discriminated against but how African Americans feels about it is really irrelevant. It's just injecting race into the equation because it's something people are completely afraid to talk about. Either way, maybe it's the same, maybe it's not, but when exactly did discrimination become a competition? (If so, we have no idea who's winning but white people are certainly in last.)
Those who sought to overturn DADT also repeated that kicking openly gay soldiers out of the military would end the careers of untold numbers of dedicated soldiers ... The facts are somewhat different. According to the Department of Defense, 5,627 military personnel were discharged in 2008 for drug offences. The number discharged that year for being overweight was 4,555. Those discharged for getting pregnant numbered 2,353. And how many were discharged after they were “outed” for being gay? 634.
Ok, just so we're clear, something like 15,000 people were discharged for offenses which plainly hindered their ability to do their jobs? And we should feel bad for those people but not the 634 people who were outed?
Those supporting the repeal of DADT have also made much of surveys purporting to show support for overturning the ban – or at least, the tacit acceptance of ordinary soldiers for openly gay service members in their ranks ... But among Marines actively serving in combat ... the proportion of those who saw a negative effect skyrocketed to 57.5 percent – a margin of nearly seven to one.
This is our biggest problem with the arguments against the repeal. Since when do cater to the lowest common denominator? Just because the majority of people feel one way doesn't mean that's how it should be. It's that kind of thinking that puts Bristol Palin in the finals of "Dancing With the Stars." Majority rule is shit.
Those soldiers develop a genuine brotherhood toward each another – a bond that has nothing sexual in it. In fact, the only reason they can develop this strong bond is that there is no possibility that any part of the bond can ever turn sexual. (That is one reason why female soldiers are barred from combat.)
As we're about to find out, this dude is quite concerned with the non-sexual bonds between soldiers.
That bond helps keep these soldiers alive. Bound together in this non-sexual brotherhood, soldiers willingly fight, and die, for each other.
So, is the bond sexual or non-sexual?
Unfortunately, allowing openly gay soldiers to serve in combat would erode this non-sexual brotherhood by bringing in the possibility that the bond can, in some cases, turn sexual. Then, the bond so essential to fighting and surviving in combat will be destroyed.
WE GET IT!!! It's non-sexual. We'll say this once and for all. Attention dumb straight people: NOT ALL GAY MEN ARE TRYING TO FUCK YOU!! First, of all, you're probably unattractive. If no women want to have sex with you, what makes you think every gay guy wants to jump your bones? Secondly, you aren't gay and we're quite sure you let everyone know. Nobody is going to try to change your sexual preference, life isn't a Kevin Smith movie.
Finally, so what if the bond turned sexual? We have friends we'd fight for but, The Mrs, we'd give it all, we'd sacrifice. Don't tell us that's not worth dying for. We wouldn't be able to help it, there's nothing we'd want more. We'd fight, we'd lie, walk the wire, die, all that stuff. Basically, everything we'd do, we'd do it for her.
As you can imagine, the comments are plenty stupid and ridiculous. Unfortunately for anyone who stubbornly maintains faith in newspapers, most of them mirror what we saw in the actual article. Still, we found a few good ones to share with our faithful readers.
FairfieldFox
It may be time for Christian families to re-examine sending their sons to our war machine on moral grounds. First, morally, it isn't safe for the kids in the environment that's just been created and, secondly, our wars aren't "just". Our "elites" don't send their kids, but embroil OUR families in wars that are unjust and last for decades, now ... If they don't get Christian soldiers to fight their immoral wars, who will?
First, how does letting gays be gay change the "justness" of any of our wars? Secondly, you want to know who's going to fight the wars? The same people who always do, poor people who who get suckered by a free college education.
estowisdom
the "big deal" here is that the gays will not just passively serve. They will shove it in our face every opportunity they get . They will hurt morale and cause dissension, because that is what they do, when they don't get their pansy little way. The term ' "Rear Admiral" will have an entirely new meaning.
... if you know what he means!!!
slolane
In 1778 General Washington had Lt. G. F. Enslin drummed out of the Continental Army after being convicted of homosexual sodomy, for "abhorrence and detestation of such infamous crimes." Washington was a great man and a great general
Always good to get your social lessons from things that way or may not have happed 250 years ago.
usnya03
Gays who have served “honorably” in the service, knowing full well that practicing homosexuality was against military regulations have not been honorable. As to adhering to a Code of Conduct, I see little distinction between breaking that regulation and, let’s say, smoking pot on your own time, or any other of many acts against military regulations. Just because you don’t agree with the military regulation, or feel that it is unjust, or even discriminatory, doesn’t allow you to just break it. In doing so, you are considered to be behaving in a less than honorable manner. That is why, prior to this latest congressional action, any homosexual who joined the military, knowing full well what the military regulations stated, and engaged in secret or overt homosexual practice, cannot be described as serving honorably. So, please don’t describe practicing gay servicemen as serving honorably, because they have not.
You don't see the distinction between making the conscious decision to smoke pot in violation of military code and just being gay? Wow, you're a fucking asshole.
luvsewe
Females do not share showers with males, nor do they sleep together in shelter halves. Nor do they check each other thoroughly in the field for chiggers, leeches, and other nasties found in swamps and jungles. Sorry to be blunt, but that means bending over and spreading your cheeks so your buddy can make sure you don't have any harmful bugs, mites, etcetera in your nether regions where you can't check for yourself. I realize this is not common practice among every branch or MOS, but as I said, I'm just going by my experience.
Do you think this guy knows there are people he can talk to about these types of things and show them where the bad men touched him?
Finally, let's take a look a 6 (!!) comments by one single person with nothing going on in their life -melmcdowell. Keep in mind, these aren't even all of his comments, just the better ones.
melmcdowell
I question the moral character of anyone who endorses sodomy.
We question the sanity of anyone who goes on the Internet and writes that.
melmcdowell
The greatest military force on the planet has just been sodomized ... Once the Homonazis are in control of the military you can be sure they will attempt to enforce their orthodoxy my any means available.
If the "Homonazis" (ohh, scary word!!) take over will they at least get rid of that ugly camo look we keep trotting out there?
melmcdowell
I think you are making my case. This controversy is not so much about the right of homosexuals to commit their perversion as it is to shut up those who believe what they do is a perversion, to give sodomy a seal of approval, and to denigrate traditional Judeo-Christian values, i.e its homofacism.
Wouldn't it just be regular fascism? Of is that "Heterofascism"? Do we really need the "homo" added on? Does it matter that "homo" doesn't actually mean gay when used that way? Why can't we think of a fifth question?
melmcdowell
Compared to normal heterosexual males and females, male homosexuals are tremendously promiscuous. See http://www.frc.org/get.cfm?i=IS04C02. If you don't think this increases the risk of disrupting military readiness, you are fooling yourself.
If you think your stats are at all based on fact, we have some business opportunities to discuss with you.
melmcdowell
I guess we will have to differ. I think you compromise your integrity when you put your penis up some guy's anus.
Not sure that's really a matter of integrity but we'll just have to agree to disagree.
melmcdowell
Now that fairy dust has been sprinkled on the military, I guess they will be expected to win their battles mounted on unicorns and firing rainbows from their rifles?
We would think that flying on fictional horned steeds would give our military a pretty significant tactical advantage on the battlefield. If we saw that and were getting shot at by rainbows we'd be pretty damn freaked out.
So, if you know someone by the name of Mel McDowell, please do us all a favor and give him an open hand slap to the ear like he's John Stossel.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Things We Hate - Do They Know It's Christmas - The Worst Christmas Song of All Time
It's Christmas time, the most wonderful time of the year. Seriously, we're not even being sarcastic right now. We REALLY do love Christmas. It's the one time of the year where we put aside all or cynicism and just enjoy life without hating anyone or anything. Well ... mostly, at least.
One of the things we love most is Christmas music. Sure, if you think about it rationally, its mostly corny, sappy and generally uninteresting crap but that doesn't stop us from putting on whatever station is playing 100% Christmas music bust out a few line of "Holly Jolly Christmas" from Black Friday until New Years(that Burl Ives just stirs something deeply emotional in us. It's all about FEELINGS). While most people think it's all about toys and Santa and other kids stuff, the genre really does tackle some adult issues. Don't believe us? Well we put together an incredibly thorough and well-researched list to prove our point. Check out some of the serious themes we uncovered:
1. Date Rape: "Baby It's Cold Outside". This song is essentially a lyrical date rape. Sure, it's got a cute little byplay between a a guy and girl that sounds innocent but it could just as easily be the opening scene of a very special Lifetime movie starring Melissa Joan Hart.
Female: I really should go ...
Male: But baby it's cold outside ...
Female: "Say, what's in this drink ...
Male: Don't worry, you won't remember a thing ...
Female: I've got to say no, no, no....
Male: But baby my balls are blue.....
Female: I really should go
Male: You're not going anywhere ...
2. Organized Crime: "We Wish You a Merry Christmas". Again, sounds innocent but it's really about scourge of organized crime and its effect on holiday traditions. Those "carolers"are clearly wiseguys, pretending to be friendly but demanding their "figgy pudding" (code for annual protection payments). And they want that shit RIGHT NOW(it's already late and they don't want no more excuses).
3. Adultery: "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus". The Jackson 5 did a nice rendition of this one, though we doubt Joe would have "laughed" if he saw Mrs. Jackson kicking it with a fat, bearded dude. Please don't tell your dad, Michael. You love your mommy don't you?
4. Murder: "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer." We can all agree that Grandpa killed the old bag, right?
5. The Effects of Alcohol: Anything by Dean Martin. Particularly "Marshmallow World." We're not even talking about the lyrical content, just his singing. No way old Dino isn't on his 15th scotch of the day on that track.
6. Child Abuse:"The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)". Alvin better get his act together or he's going to have that hula hoop wrapped around his little fury neck. Little known fact, DYFUS was called into the Seville house three weeks after this song was released. They claimed jurisdiction was better suited for the ASPCA and did nothing. Two years later, Simon and Theodore were found buried out back with several other "pets". Alvin has still not been located though he is presumed dead.
7. Segregation: "White Christmas". You didn't think that was about snow did you?
Ok, so maybe we got that last one wrong (it's about cocaine). But you get the point - Christmas music has all the drama of CSI with only half the terrible overacting.
So continuing with the theme of tackling real issues in holiday music, we come to the classic "Do They Know It's Christmas" by Band Aid, the Worst Christmas Song of All Time (that in no way implies we don't sing the shit out if it when it comes on).
For a little background, the song was written and recorded in 1984 to try to raise money for famine relief in Africa (while it was technically for Ethiopia, it always seemed like they were singing to the whole continent to us.) And it worked, it was the highest selling single of all time in the UK when it came out. Of course, it's also stunningly ignorant, even for something put together in the 80's by a bunch of coked-out British musicians, with probably the most simplistic view of a foreign country since "Outsourced."
It's no wonder how it was so popular though. Sure they had big stars with made up names like Bono, Sting and Boy George and people like the great Phil Collins, George Michael and Duran Duran but the real power comes from the inclusion of music royalty as Spandau Ballet (it's true!!), Big Country and The Boomtown Rats as well as Kool and the Gang and Jody Whatley (see if you can spot them in the video. Hint: They're the only Americans) There was no sign of Dan Akroyd, however.
On a side note, the best Christmas song ever is easily "Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy" by David Bowie and Bing Crosby (over Crosby's "White Christmas" and The Transiberian Orchestra's "Christmas Eve (Sarajevo 12/24)"). The best part, of course, is the awkward conversation between Bowie and Crosby. Bowie shows up and pretends not to know who Bing Crosby is ("Are you the new butler? You're not the poor relation from America? You're the one who sings, right? Even after Bing introduces himself Bowie pretends not to know who it is and has the balls to say he sings "White Christmas." Bing should have treated him like he did his kids. "I'm Bing Fucking Crosby you limey prick.") and then they just happen to be able to flawlessly sing a song that is comprised of two separate sets of lyrics to be sung in harmony. It really is a pretty thing.
(Editor's Note: We wrote this before Will Farrell and John C. Reilly did this.)
Back to Band Aid. We really encourage you to check out the awesome video. It starts out with an epic slow motion montage and even features video or a future juvenile offender of some sort when somebody actually brought their kid to the studio.
The song starts with some ringing bells (the clanging chimes of doom, perhaps?) and then the fun begins. For the sake of argument, we'll even ignore the fact that they're talking to a continent that is at least half Muslim so a major part of their audience doesn't give two shits if its Christmas or not (kind of like us writing this blog post) and just focus on the other stuff.
It's Christmas time, there's no need to be afraid
At Christmas time, we let in light and we banish shade
Sung by the immortal Paul Young (Who? Exactly.) this is as nice a sentiment as you'll find to start any Christmas song. (Apparently the intro was written for David Bowie but he couldn't make it. Somehow Paul Young was available. Pretty big tumble from Ziggy Stardust to the guy from Kat Kool and The Kool Kats.)
And in our world of plenty, we can spread a smile of joy
Throw your arms around the world, at Christmas time
To this point we're still in the tracks as Boy George (who apparently hated George Michael and thought he was campy) makes his first appearance. Don't be fooled though, we're simply on the initial climb of a roller coaster of ignorance. Think of it as "The Great English Dumb Machine." (if you listen carefully, you can hear the click, click, click of the track as we ascend).
But say a prayer
Pray for the other ones
Did George Michael really just call people from Africa the "other ones"? Guess "those people" didn't rhyme. And here we go, we've reached the top and this thing is about to come crashing down.
At Christmas time it's hard, but when you're having fun
(Puts hands up) Weeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's a world outside your window, and it's a world of dread and fear
Where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears
And the Christmas bells that ring there, are the clanging chimes of doom
Ladies and Gentlemen, it's Christmas ..... by SLAYER!!!!!
That's right Africans, these rich, out of touch assholes really do think that think that your entire life is made up only of dreading and fearing and whatnot. It must be soo awful not to be able to eat shitty food and be deprived of cultural touchstones like Culture Club and Wham.
We know it was the 80's but it wasn't the 1780's. There were definitely needy people (and still are) but they make it sound like some post-apocalyptic wasteland. Forget about the fact that the continent is home to two of the world's biggest rivers, the only water they can imagine in this awful world is tears!! Luckily for those of use fortunate enough not to live in this hell, the clanging chimes of doom have drown out your crying so we can watch the news.
WELL, TONIGHT, THANK GOD IT'S THEM INSTEAD OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck Yeah!!! This is quite possibly the most sincerely sung (by the always earnest and self-important Bono) yet completely ridiculous line ever recorded. It is the pinnacle of awfulness. It's so bad it makes us wonder whether Bono actually read the line or if he just walked in, grabbed the paper and belted it out. (maybe he couldn't read it through those damn sunglasses he wears everywhere).
Either way, it's our favorite line to sing. Hey everybody, let's take a moment to be grateful that we're not those poor sad Africans with their rivers of tears and chimes of doom. How's that for a call to action. What the hell are these idiots thinking.
And there won't be snow in Africa, this Christmas time
Except for the parts where is snows, of course. Other places unlikely to see know this Christmas: The Cayman Islands, Miami, Southern California, Hawaii, Tahiti and Fiji. Pray for those people too.
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
That's right, you don't live in a mansion, you're damn lucky just to be alive.
Where nothing ever grows
No rain nor rivers flow
Again with the rivers!! Take a geography class you morons. Maybe they'll teach you that just because they don't live within the sphere of influence of New Wave it doesn't mean they subsist on dirt cookies moistened by their tears.
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?
Since Christmas is a global behemoth of secular enjoyment, our guess is probably yes, they at least have an inkling that something is going on. Plus, you wrote this ridiculous song that gets played only at that time of year, so that might also serve as a clue.
Here's to you
Raise a glass for everyone
Here's to them
Underneath that burning sun
Here's a toast to you, people dying under a burning sun. Hope you brought your sunscreen.
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?
More importantly, if they live in this hellish place you are describing, do they really even give a shit that it's Christmas?
Merry Christmas Everybody!!! (To our non-Christmas celebrating friends, enjoy your Chinese food and let us know whether you preferred "True Grit" or "The Fighter"). Thanks for reading.
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