The Persnickety Project's Holiday Gift Guide - Part 1

It's the holiday season, boys and girls!! That means its time to shop, shop, shop until your credit score drops.  We at The Persnickety Project want to help you spend that money in the right way so we thought it only appropriate to take a look around at some of the "Holiday Gift Giving Guides" and find the very best gifts for you and yours.  Today, we're tackling Crate and Barrel and Yahoo.com's gift section.  Remember this isn't just random shit we came up with at obscure websites, someone actually had to sit down and decide that these things would make great gifts.  Why can't we get that job?

Wool Robin Ornament - $5.95 (Crate and Barrel)

"I was told there would be a seed buffet."

For just six dollars, you too can decorate your holiday tree with this morbidly obese bird.  Plus, you get the added bonus of knowing, despite those extra holiday lbs, that, unlike this fat mess, if you were a bird you could still fly.

Drink Ornaments - $11.85 (Crate and Barrel)

You should see these glimmer when
you're passed out under the tree.

This charming set of ornaments will remind your drunk Uncle Joe that, when you think of them, you think of all those holidays ruined with their martini-fueled rants.  A holiday classic. 


The Clapper Plus - $22.43 (Walmart)

Ironically, The Clapper serves as a tidy metaphor for he
amount of effort you put into coming up good gift idea.

Clap On!?!?  No, you better clap the hell off if you're think about picking up this little trip down memory lane for someone that you hope to speak to ever again.  It's only redeeming quality is that it now comes with a remote that turns the lights on and off for when, you get tired of, you know, clapping.

Mangroomer Essential Nose and Ear Hair Trimmer - $14.99 (Amazon.com)

Merry Christmas!!
Your protruding hairs are scaring the neighbors.

It's all in the name, no hiding your intentions on this one.

Wife:  Honey, open this one, it's from Santa!!

Husband:  Ohh, nice.  Thanks Santa.

Wife:  It's to help you trim you beard.

Husband:  Oh, then why is it called a "Nose and Ear Hair Trimmer"?  Is Santa trying to tell me something?

Wife:  I'm sure Santa just thought it might come in handy, that's all.

Husband:  Oh yeah, you know they have things called beard trimmer for just that purpose.  I think Santa IS A GODDAMN LIAR!!

Wife:  Fine, you want the truth.  

Husband:  I think I'm entitled. 

Wife:  You can't handle the truth!!

Husband:  Huh?

Wife:  Just kidding, You disgust me.

Snuggie Zebra - $19.99 (Anna's Linens)

Won't you join us?

That's right people, the Snuggie is back for year 3 of its 15 minutes of fame.  Now, instead of just looking like a run-of-the-mill cult member, you spice it up by looking like a member of a cult of people who dress in the flesh of African plain animals.


Barbie Dream Townhouse - $179.99 (Toys R Us)

And you thought Barbie's figure was the impossible dream.

Want to set your child on a path to a lifetime of unfulfilled expectations and disappointment?  Well, you're in luck because we have the new Barbie Dream Townhouse.  It's a pink three-story townhouse (like that color would never get past the zoning board), complete with an elevator and roaring fireplace, that no normal person could ever afford.  You might as well just save the $180 and disappoint them up front.

Deluxe Rose Art Tattoo Writer - $19.99 (Amazon.com)

"Look Mom, it's Chinese for "Poor Life Decision."

This is our favorite one.  It's sold under the name "My First Tramp Stamp".