Things We Hate - Train Blech

Despite our general, potentially-inaccurate feeling that we’re nice, laid-back people, we really hate a lot of stuff. Sure, most of the things that annoy us have no real bearing on our lives and probably don’t even register with normal people but that’s not going to stop us from trying to make a regular feature out of it. As we always say, if people don’t care, write about it. Hasn’t failed us yet.

Today's subject of our scorn, the band Train's two "hit" songs, "Hey Soul Sister" and "If It's Love." It’s not like they’re not catchy tunes, in fact, while writing "If It's Love" is running through our heads, making us want to go smack a kitten. It’s not even that Train is that bad in general - we remember "Meet Virginia" and "Drops of Jupiter" being vaguely decent – it’s just the ridiculousness of these two damn songs that infuriates us. Listen to both of the new songs back-to-back (if you do we are not responsible for the safety of any nearby objects or people) it should be apparent that Pat Monahan (the lead singer and primary song writer) has taken his affinity for stringing together clichés and other trite phrases to another painful level. It should also come as no surprise that (according to the infallible Wikipedia) the two songs were written together (with the help of a pair of Norwegians, ABBA was not available).

"Hey Soul Sister" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sD0b1S7QRkQ)

This is probably the less hateable of the two songs so we’ll get it out of the way first. “Hey Soul Sister” came from Monahan’s imagining what it would be like to be at "Burning Man," the Black Rock Desert festival which is billed as an “experiment in community, radical self-expression, and radical self-reliance" potentially able to change an attendees worldview and marked by the burning of a huge wooden effigy. There is nothing radical about this song and the only way it changed our worldview was to makes us hate the world even more. On to the lyrics:

Hey, hey, hey

Translation: “I have no idea how to start the song.”

Hey soul sister, ain't that Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo, the way you move ain't fair, you know! Hey soul sister, I don't want to miss a single thing you do...tonight

This is the chorus so we're treated to it over and over (and over) again. And it sucks. It sucks on every level but what galls us the most is the damn Mister Mister reference. What possesses someone to include a shout-out to Mister Mister in a serious manner? Was Monahan sitting there thinking about “Burning Man” and thought of half-naked people dancing around a huge fire listening to "Broken Wings?"

You gave my life direction, a game show love connection we can't deny
Boy that's sweet, comparing your love to "The Bachelor." That’s a love built to last.
I'm so obsessed, my heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest

Umm … untrimmed chest … ew.

You're so gangsta, I'm so thug, you're the only one I'm dreaming of

This one tops them all. Really Train, you're so thug? Every time we hear this one we get uncontrollable douche chills. Is anyone confusing these guys with Tupac?

Hey, hey,hey … Hey, hey,hey

Translation: “I can't think of a way to end the song either.”

Tonight.

So poignant. No we know why is went quadruple platinum.

"If It's Love" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ru8aDR5uAbM) (with lyrics! - YouTube people are so enterprising)

This song is supposed to be a “thank you” to long time fans. That’s like the Giants thanking their fans by having the team defecate on the 50-yard line. Thanks for nothing suckers!!

There isn’t one original thought or phrase in the whole damn song. You’d think at least one would happen by accident. It’s just one cliché after another, strung together only because they kinda rhyme. Sure, most songs recycle the same sentiments and ideas (there are only so many in the universe) but at least not everyone is so damn blatant about it, at least they appear to be trying. Train just gave up and threw the following crap together. Fire up the “Cliché Counter” (a word to the English police, we’re using “cliché” to refer generally to trite, meaningless and overused phrases, don’t get too technical on us). Here we go:

While everybody else is getting out of bed
I'm usually getting in it
I'm not in it to win it
And there's a thousand ways you can skin it

#1 – “Rock stars stay up really late.” Train is so rock and roll, they stay up really late. How late? They get into bed when us poor working folk are getting up and going to work. Badass.
#2 – Being “in it to win it.” Fair enough, but even if you’re not, maybe you should at least be in it to write something original.
#3 – Multiple ways to skin something. But it rhymes!!

My feet have been on the floor
Flat like an idle singer
Remember winger
I digress

No obvious cliché here, just a nod to 80s band Winger. With the Mister Mister thing from before, this is becoming an epifuckindemic. Is pandering to fans a crappy 80’s music Train’s business model? “I do remember Winger. Please take my money.”

But I'm afraid when I hear stories
About a husband and wife
There's no happy endings
No Henry Lee
But you are the greatest thing about me

#4 – There are no happy endings.
#5 – Someone you love being the best thing about you.

If it's love
And we decide that it's forever
No one else could do it better
If it's love
And we're two birds of a feather
Then the rest is just whenever
And if I'm addicted to loving you
And you're addicted to my love too
We can be them two birds of a feather
That flock together
Love, love
Got to have something to keep us together
Love, Love
That's enough for me

This is the chorus so it really lights up the Cliché Counter.
#6 – Birds of a Feather, of course, flock together. And so do shitty songs.
#7 – Being addicted to love. Robert Palmer wants his song back.
#8 – Love keeps two people together. So does Al Green.
#9 – You don’t need anything more than love. Add in The Beatles.

Took a loan on a house I own
Can't be a queen bee without a bee throne

Bee throne? That’s just stupid.

I wanna buy ya everything
Except cologne
'cause it's poison

Now we’re talking. Cologne is poison. At least this is a little social commentary on animal testing or something, right? Nope.
Monahan: “Have you ever been in an elevator with a lady who just got done perfuming? If you have, you won't wonder why I wrote it.”
No, we still wonder why.

We can travel to Spain where the rain falls
Mainly on the plain side and sing
'cause it is we can laugh we can sing
Have ten kids and give them everything
Hold our cell phones up in the air
And just be glad we made it here alive
On a spinning ball in the middle of space
I love you from your toes to your face

#10 – “The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.” “My Fair Lady” came out in 1956.
#11 – Holding cell phones in the air to celebrate – at least this one is new (and by new, we mean 10 years old)
#12 – Earth is a spinning ball in the middle of space. How profound.

You can move in
I won't ask where you've been
'cause everybody has a past
When we're older
We'll do it all over again

#13 – Loving someone and not caring about their past.

Final Cliché Count: 13. In a 3:59 minute song. Don’t think we could do that if we tried.

Stupid Commenter Beatdown - I Believe That Child Stars Are Our Future

Looks like Herbie's not the only one who's fully loaded

When we first started the Persnickety Project (or The Project if your down) our mission was to shed a dim light on the slew of dummies commenting online. To comment on comments, how meta of us. Anyway, due to various issues (mostly extreme laziness and the fact that our friend who will remain nameless - cough, Robyn, cough, cough - kidding of course, we had quit long before we found out Robyn had no sense of humor) the idea never quite took off. Now that we're facing unemployment, our extreme laziness has been trumped by extreme boredom. Thus, the return of "Stupid Commenter Beatdown" as part of our expanded subject-matter (Fantasy Football, how persnickety!)

Fortunately for us, our return happens to coincide with the (hopeful) return of one Lindsay Lohan to jail. Herbie would be so so disappointed in you, LiLo. The latest news, brought to us by Nj.com is that Blowhan:

[A]dmitted late Friday that she failed a drug test, must return to court Friday to face a judge and a possible 30-day jail sentence, People.com reports.

People.com, Your Most Trusted News Source. If only we could hear directly from her.

“Substance abuse is a disease, which unfortunately doesn’t go away over night,” Lohan tweeted late Friday ...

Oh thank goodness, a generation of Americans will be educated about addiction through Lindsay Lohans tweets. What I learned it that not only doesn't addiction go away over night, apparently, it doesn't go away after multiple rehab stints and a jail sentence. I'm curious to see what our esteemed NJ.com commentariat learned.

njtreker: In 4-5 years some poor child star is going to get caught
smoking pot or underage drinking and end up spending 3 or 6 months in jail
because of the antics of Lohan, Spears, Hilton, etc..........

You are so right, NJTreker, the main lesson from all this is that Lindsay Lohan is ruining Justin Beiber's shit. Someday that little mop-headed bastard is gonna get pinched for a little weed or something and end up serving hard time. Seriously though, I feel terrible for this hypothetical child star who breaks the law and ends up having to actually suffer some consequences, all because Lindsay Lohan blew like 45 chances to get clean and was finally send to jail after basically telling the system to go f itself. Tread carefully Bieber.

Fantasy Football - You Rinued My F'n Day - Week 2

Phil Collins is wondering what happened to Aromashodu ...

and also his shirt.

Ideas usually appear out of thin air as part of some "creative process" (or plagarism) and they’re almost always free. Sometimes, however, you can pinpoint the exact moment you had an idea and, sometimes, it costs you $105.

Absent some life-altering event (life-altering = me dead), I play basketball every Sunday morning. The game is played inside a guy’s house (yeah, that's right, inside his house, on an NBA-sized half court, full court 4-on-4 across, it doesn’t get any better) and starts at 9 a.m. Great group of guys and the games are really competitive since you really have to love to ball to get your ass up early on a Sunday morning to go run around. Needless to say, this is one of the highlights of my week and something I constantly look forward to.

The court is about 25 minutes from my house. I aim to leave early enough to have time to put on my ridiculous ankle braces and get a few shots up before the first game starts, but since I'm me, I never leave on time and am always in a hurry to get there on time. This Sunday was no different and when I fired up the Xterra at 8:35, I figured I'd be putting my ankles on at a red light and walking straight into the first game.

As I headed past the park near my house, drinking a bottle of water and listening to an acoustic version of some 15-year old Smashing Pumpkins song (Cherub Rock, anyone?), I absentmindedly thought about whether my shot would be falling and if my legs were sufficiently recovered from the P90X plyometrics workout and subsequent "dancing" I did at my littlest sister's wedding on Friday. Unfortunately, as I was lost such profound thoughts, I failed to notice that my speed was getting a little excessive and register that the car coming towards me that looked like an unmarked cop car might actually be one. Any doubt about that was swiftly eliminated when the car pulled a “Starsky & Hutch” turn across 4 lanes and came blasting up behind me with his lights on to pull me over. Who knew cops could radar you going the other way on a road? Not me.

Anyway, to make an unnecessarily long story shorter, the cop wasn't in a forgiving mood and gave me a nice speeding ticket with a fine of $105 and, of course, I was late for basketball. Seriously, though, who doesn't speed? As the cop left all I could wonder was if he enjoyed ruining my f’n day.

It wasn’t a total loss though since it gave me the inspiration for my first real ongoing column idea – “You Ruined My F’n Day” – a breakdown of all those players responsible ruining our Sundays (and Mondays and the occasional Thursday) by being fantasy failures. For that I say “Thank You” to my friend in blue (let’s call him Sgt. Alexander, as in Shaun, the ultimate fantasy ruiner circa 2006, the year he got his 8 year, $62m contract).

1. Devin Aromashodu, "WR"; Lovie Smith "Coach", Chicago Bears

I discussed last week how the Aromashodu/Knox battle to be Cutler's go-to guy was still too close to call and stuck with this dude for Week 2, expecting a solid follow-up to his 5 catch, 71 yard performance. Looking forward to getting a firsthand look at Aroma when the Bears played the Cowboys during the national Fox game, you can only imagine my disappointment when, despite watching almost the entire game, I didn’t witness a single catch by Aroma (Spoiler Alert - he didn't catch any) or even see him actually take the field. His impact was so non-existent that it earned the "Did Not Play or Did Not Accumulate Any Statistics" on the ESPN game log, despite actually being active. Our beloved Lovie said only that his absence was a "coach’s decision." No shit, Lovie. I thought he might have decided on his own he didn't want to play. Obviously, this isn’t a good development for a sleeper pick that many (including me) picked way too high in fantasy drafts. Still it’s probably too early to cut bait since none of the other Bear receivers really distinguished themselves. Maybe next week he responds to the coaching lesson with a big game. If not, cut his ass and don't let him ruin any more Sundays for you.

2. Michael Turner, RB, Atlanta Falcons

Let's say you get sucked into shopping at the outlet mall on Sunday afternoon. Jim Nantz is narrating your demise and you’re miserable. During a break in the action, you check your phone to see that the Falcons rolled the Cardinals, 41-7. You own Michael Turner and you’re ecstatic because with a score like that there is NO WAY he didn't have a big game, right? Right? You click on box score and - WFT!! - Jason Snelling, 24 carries, 129 yards and 2 TDs and Turner, 9 for 75, left with a groin injury. ALL THOSE YARDS AND TDS COULD HAVE BEEN YOURS!! You spent all day shopping, didn't see a game, yet it was Michael Turner who ruined your f'n day.

3. Tony Gonzalez, TE, Atlanta Falcons

In that same game, Tony G, the best TE of a generation, caught only 2 passes for a measly 19 yards (on 2 targets). That's bad, really bad, particularly in a game where his team scores 41 and his QB throws 3 TDS. You certainly expected more when you drafted him and in a game like that you’d think they’d throw him a bone at some point just to make him feel good. Apparently Matty Ice has no regard for people’s feelings. Since the team is clearly forcing the ball to Roddy White (12 targets) there might be a bunch of ruined days in the future for teams with the #7 drafted TE.

4. Thomas Jones, RB, Kansas City Chiefs

T.J. is the ultimate fantasy pillager; stealing stats from other seemingly more talented backs since 2005 when he pilfered the majority of the carries from prized rookie Cedric Benson (yes, Benson was at one time a prized rookie before he was a bust, got arrested for drunk boating and came back from the fantasy dead). This year the “Thomas Jones Slash and Burn Tour” comes to Kansas City to lay waste to hopes that Jamal Charles' would be this year’s Chris Johnson. TJ is doubling Charles’ carries at this point and I’m guessing he’s not the guy you started on Sunday.

5. Jason Garrett, OC, Dallas Cowboys

20 to 51. That's the ratio of run to pass plays called by offensive genius Jason Garrett on Sunday in a close game against the Bears. That’s like more than double. No matter whether you were in the MB III or Felix Jones (new bulkier version) camp, everyone was wrong. Day = ruined.

6. Chris Johnson, RB, Tennessee Titans

As a Chris Johnson owner you've come to expect certain things from your stud. The bar is significantly higher for him than other guys and after 12 straight games; 100 yards became one of them. On the CJ scale, a 34 yard performance just won't do. We know that everybody has a bad game here and there but with the investment you have to make to get Johnson on your team (#1 pick or big auction $$) you need him to have a big game to win. Thus, for once, after many happy returns CJ ruined someone’s day.

While we are at it, let's just indict the entire game...

7. Pittsburg Steelers v. Tennessee Titans, Ugliness

Boy was this one ugly, more like trench warfare then a football game. The fantasy casualties were numerous - Hines Ward - 1 catch, 9 yards, Mike Wallace - 2 catches, 25 yards, Mendenhall held to 69 yards rushing on 23 carries, Vince Young - 66 yards passing, 2 picks, 1 fumble, benched. This one ruined the day of anyone who might have been forced to watch.
8. Brett Favre, QB, Minnesota Vikings
When the announcers discuss how your team had to spend extra time after your first game trying to get your QB familiar with your receivers that’s not a good thing. Isn’t that what training camp is for Brett? Guess the Saints and Fins are a tick better than East Bumble High’s second stringers, huh? Favre was just awful, 225 yards, 3 picks, fumble in the end zone. The Gunslinger still looks like a kid out there, expect this time he resembles a third-grader with low reading scores.

9. Mike Sims-Walker, WR, Jacksonville Jaguars

Last week’s line: 0. This week: 10 catches, 105 yards, 1 TD … on everyone's benches. FU MSW.

10. Brandon Jacobs, RB, New York Giants

Oh the Man-Child, so much less man then child at this point. Despite saying last week that Bradshaw was the man in the Giants backfield, Jacobs could have still be a viable flex option, particularly in TD-heavy leagues, against the porous Indy D. Instead, his helmet has reached the stands more times than the end zone. He’s dead to us.

Fantasy Football - Things We Know After Week 1*

Do we need to get to know this guy?

1. Arian Foster is a god among mere mortals.

Arian Foster did his best Adrian Peterson/Chris Johnson impression (Adrian Fosterson? Maybe? Chrisian Johnster? Certainly not.) on Sunday by running roughshod over Superbowl-loser Indianapolis Colts to the tune of 231 yards and 3 TDs. The natural reaction to such a performance is for everyone to immediately become members of the Arian Nation, call him a top 10 back and start him through thick and thin. Should we? I'm not buying, yet.

Anyone who drafted him should certainly puff out their chests with pride and command us to bow to their fantasy knowledge but there is a reason he scored all those points from many a fantasy bench. That reason, of course, is that nobody (not even his team) trusted him and like any relationship, a fantasy player relationship is about trust, and one game does not a trusting relationship make. Sure he had a few nice games at the end of last season but he was undrafted (partly due to fumbling problems which have a tendency to linger, right Tiki?) and, more importantly, was supposed to be supplanted by Ben Tate (the Texans' second round draft pick) before he was lost for the year with an injury. I could be all wrong and sometimes all a guy needs in a opportunity but if I don't have him I'm not going to pay what it takes to get him and if I do, I'm seeing if somebody will overpay for him. Either way, I'm not betting my season on this dude.

2. It's an especially good year to own Peyton Manning.

To be clear, it's always a good year to own Peyton Manning. This year, however, has the potential to be special, a la Brady, Tom, circa 2007. Manning threw up a 40/57, 433 yard, 3 TD line against the Texans and with his defense looking putrid (Bob Sander is apparently out indefinitely - in other news the sun came up this morning and will set tonight) the Colts may be playing a bunch of shoot-outs this season. Add that to the fact that the Colts lack a consistent running game and Peyton stands to attempt a lot of passes and with a QB as good as Mr. Laser-Rocket Arm that's all you need to score more fantasy points. Finally, the Colts losing an early game to a division rival lessens the chances that they go 14-2 and Peyton screws you when you need him most, during the fantasy playoffs.

3. The rest of the Colts passing will be full of fun and excitement as well.

The natural off shoot of Manning having an excellent season is that his pass catchers will also benefit. In week 1 Reggie Wayne was his usually steady self (7 for 99, 1 TD) and Dallas Clark continued to be a PPR darling (11 for 80, 1 TD). Those guys are obvious fantasy must-starts, however, the real interesting thing about the Colts offense is the potential of the #2/3 WRs to have big games. Despite being a late round pick or perhaps going undrafted, Austin Collie - the Canadian from BYU - caught 11 for 163 while being targeted 12 times (second to Clark's 13). While his numbers were probably, at least in part a function of the Texans' attempts to take away Wayne (and to a lesser extent Clark) Week 1 could provide a nice blueprint for fantasy owners - you can always trust Wayne and Clark but if you lack great depth guys like Collie (think Stokely 2004 - 68, 1077, 10 TDs) and Garcon always have the potential to break out and win you a week here or there.

4. Forte will Fluctuate.

The Bears unveiled the new Mike Martz offense that fantasy football players have been waiting to see all off-season. We all know the drill, Martz will throw and throw and throw, his QB will get 4k yards and one of his receivers will be a stud (as long as we all pretend that San Francisco didn't happen). Week 1 was no exception, Cutler threw for big yards, Aromashodu and Knox were useful (Aroma led in targets 10 to 7 but Knox had a ton of preseason hype so its still too close to call). The big news was, of course, Matt Forte who hauled in 7 catches for 151 yards and 2 TDs for huge fantasy points despite pedestrian rushing output (14 for 50). With the exception of the great Marshall Faulk, Matz's scheme doesn't tend to produce great rushing numbers so we are left to wonder whether Forte can be a trusted every game starter in this system. For now, I say know. First off, we can all agree that there's no way he's going to replicate his performance on a weekly basis. Additionally, with running backs I tend to rely on the guys who put up rushing numbers and take the receiving yards as a bonus. Because backs usually serve as outlets on short passes their production is uneven in that category - a short swing pass can be either a 2 yard gain or, with a missed tackle, a 72 yard TD. That's not something I want to rely on. I think Forte's final stats are in line with his career average of 60 receptions and as the Bears play better teams and inevitably stink, they'll be forced to throw the ball even more, lessening Forte's running opportunities and making his week-to-week production volatile.

5. The Pats are Back.

I was lucky enough to have the Pats on as the second early game this week (with the G-Men) and saw an absolute dismantling of a supposedly good Bengals team. Forget the final score (38-24) it wasn't even that close. Pats offense looked to be back near 2007 levels (Brady is now in year 2 of ACL recovery, normally the time when players are 100%) and, more surprisingly, the defense looked fast, aggressive and tough. Brady, Moss and Welker are studs but the other guys like Edelman (when healthy), Tate (when Edelman is not healthy), Fred Taylor and his bionic groin and the Pats D become viable members of line-ups this season.

6. Ahmad Bradshaw is the Giants go-to back.

If there were any doubts after the preseason and Brandon Jacobs' mini-tantrum, they were laid to rest on Sunday when Bradshaw got 20 carries to Jacobs' 12 despite getting off to a slow start (imagine what the distribution would have been had Bradshaw broke off a big early run), including one goal line touch, and continued to look sharper and faster. Bradshaw owners should be excited for their match-up with a Colts run defense that is eerily reminiscent of swiss cheese and Jacobs' backers should be looking to see if Fred Taylor is still available.

7. Fantasy Football is not fair.

Here is your otherwise noted, this one will never change, not week 2 and not ever. Fantasy football is fun, its interesting, its a cool way to hang out with your buddies but it is in no way fair. Somebody lost a game to a team they should have beat because Hakeem Nicks caught 3 TDs, Foster went nuts and Frank Gore got them 38 yards against the Seahawks (seriously Frank, against the friggin Seahawks? Really? Come On!!). It's always going to be that way and there's nothing you can do about it so enjoy the ride.

*Unless otherwise noted, the things we know are subject to change as soon as Week 2.

Post 44 - You Get Nothing. You Lose. Good Day Sir.

Evidently some poor bastard fell into a boiling vat of chocolate and died. It's Willy Wonka brought to life, bring on the funny NJ.comers ...

Posted by lightningman on 07/08/09 at 1:13PM
I know it is not good to laugh at other's misfortunes... But
this is the true case of 'Death by Chocolate' (as in ice-cream flavor).

Not only is the "death by chocolate" reference an exact copy of the comment before it on the page, but do people really think they're the only one who would think of it? More importantly, does the lightingman doubt so seriously that people would mistake his comment to imply that he was commenting literally that the man died by chocolate that he felt compelled to remind us all that he was referring the the ice-cream flavor. Guess his joke is headed down a "rocky-road" (as in ice cream flavor), maybe he should have let the joke go since it was such a "cupcake" (as in the minature cake-like dessert). Yuck.

Post 43 - Lost in translation because you're a moron

We're not from San Diego. But we've heard good things about it. Particularly an authentic South American restaurant called "El Q'ero":

I don't know much about being gay or what it is like to be gay in South America
but I presume it's fabulous. It is a little strange to me that you would name
your restaurant El Qero which from my best guess translates to "the Queer one"
in Spanish. Although I am not an expert in Romance languages so this is only an
assumption. I am definitely not homophobic since I once watched Will and Grace
and found it quite entertaining. I also have seen movies with Cher, most notably
"Mask" which was by far one of her best performances along with the "Turn Back
Time" music video. As far as El Qero goes the interior decorating was
phenomenal. Taking cues from from traditional south American styles and
accenting it with lush lighting and just the right color accents, I was
enveloped with a sense of relaxation and jubilant euphoria. The meal was
exceptional indeed. My lamb chops were a slice of heaven, and the pescado mi
mujera ordered was gorgeous. We ate some fried plantains for an appetizer and
they were sweet, probably better left for desert.

You know, we're not experts in romance languages either, but we think you're una idiota. We think that means "an idiot." And even if it doesn't, well that's what you are. A big one. But we're glad to hear you're not homophobic. How could you be when you like Cher and Will & Grace? That makes you totally gay friendly and not someone who completely buys into ridiculous stereotypes. We're the same way. That's why when you use words like "fabulous," "gorgeous," or "slice of heaven," and comment on the "accenting" and "lush lighting" of the decorating we totally believe that you don't know the slightest thing about being gay! That's just how open minded we are. Even so, we're not really sure we trust your review of El Q'Ero. Sure you gave it a rave, but it's coming from a guy who likes Cher and Will & Grace. Frankly, that makes your taste a little suspect.

Post 42 - New Jersey To Make it 25% More Expensive to Drown Your Sorrows

New Jersey lawmakers have proposed a 25% increase on the state alcohol tax to try to cover some ginormous budget holes. Predictably, restaurant owners are threatening to pass the costs on to their customers. Even more predictably, the commenting public was outraged .... and dumb.

Posted by 0707fornj on 06/09/09 at 1:14PM
Hopefuly they wont pass those tax Booze to those who dont consumme , cuz if i go to a restaurant i should not pay for the lossers and F** rs who drink .

Do they even serve beer at Chuck E. Cheese's? (damn they do http://www.chuckecheese.com/, have to come up with another "joke" about how this guy frequents crappy restaurants). Do they even serve beer at [insert crappy restaurant here]? Either way, our guess is this dipshit won't have to worry too much about the tax since he's no "losser" or "F**er". Wonder what the "**" stands for? "Faker" might be somewhat logical, but we're not sure why he'd star that one out. Oh, well, guess we'll never know. Fucker!!