Stupid Commenter Beatdown - Don't You Know I'm Loko

Meet the first drinker of "Four Loko":
The "Micromachines" Guy

It appears that the west coast bureau of The Persnickety Project has closed leaving us to fend for ourselves in the battle to find stories that generate dumb comments. Fortunately, we have an ally in a little drink called “Four Loko”.

The flow of Four Loko into New York is finally being shut off. The State Liquor Authority has pressured the state's biggest beer distributors to stop delivering Four Loko and other caffeinated alcoholic cocktails to New York retailers by Dec.10.

So, the mythical city where highly caffeinated alcoholic beverages flow like water did exist.  At least until Big Brother got involved. 

Jaisen Freeman, co-founder of Phusion Projects, the company that produces Four Loko, gave a tepid endorsement of the agreement. “We think it shows that we are not turning a deaf ear to what's going on: that a select few have chosen to abuse our products, drink them while underage or break the law and sell them to minors," said Freeman.  A 23.5-ounce can of Four Loko contains the amount of alcohol in three cans of beer blended with the caffeine of three cups of coffee.

In this case, rather than a deaf ear wouldn't  turn something like a blacked-out brain to the problem, instead?  Anyway, yes, the State's decision to ban your product certainly shows that you aren't ignoring the problem.  Nice attempt at logic, sir. 

More importantly, we think the newspaper did you a real injustice in its transcription of Mr. Freeman's comments.  Here's the more accurate translation: 

(slurring) “Wethinkitshowsthatwearenotturningadeafeartowhatsgoingonthataselectfewhavechosentoabuseourproductsdrinkthemwhileunderageorbreakthelawandsellthemtominors"
(passes out)

The fruity malt beverage leaped into the spotlight in New York last month after members of a Bronx gang forced a victim to guzzle 10 cans before beating him mercilessly in what was described as a gay bias attack.

Fruity? Really? Bad job by you New York Daily News.

After the Daily News informed his office of the deal, Sen. Chuck Schumer said he favored an outright ban but called the move "a giant step forward in keeping our kids safe from these toxic and dangerous brews."

Next on Chuck's agenda is to stop the creation of other toxic and dangerous brews by banning the sale of, among other ingredients, unicorn blood and goosegrass.  Neither the New York Witches Association nor Hogwarts could be reached for comment.

Nine stores in East Tremont, Castle Hill, Wakefield and Parkchester sold the drink to a teenage police cadet, cops said. They were hit with summonses.

Ladies and gentlemen, the plot for “Police Academy 8: Teens in Patrol.”

"It is clear that teens in this city have no problem getting their hands on this dangerous drink. It has to stop," he said.

Translation: "It is clear that teens in this city have no problem getting their hands on this dangerous drink or any other kind of alcohol.  But because this one has gotten to much press and because the manufacturer of the drink isn't a large multinational company that contributes generously to our campaigns, we'll do some stuff that  makes it seem like we care though we could give two shits."

The "blackout-in-a-can" has been blamed for several deaths, and authorities in Michigan, Washington, Oklahoma and Utah have banned the sale of Four Loko.

Similarly, being "blacked out in the can" has been blamed for many embarrassing pictures.

On to the comments, which show the dramatic effects that alcohol has on the human brain.

stlgurl2010
Dont they know that when you ban some thing itonly makes people want to do it more. I only brought the drink cuz of the stuff they were saying about it. Just like kids only drink because they have been told that they cant. Thats why I think is you can join the army at 18 you should be able to buy a drink. All people have to so is go out of NY to buy it and keep it at home cuz if I was in NY thats what i would do are get family to send it to me.

So, if we follow her logic, just tell kids they can't join the army and they'll sign right up.  Sounds like the Pentagon has a new recruiting strategy.  Secondly, we've had letter sitting on our counter for like 3 weeks that we couldnt' be bothered to put in the mailbox that sits 10 feet from our door.  What makes her think that she can get someone go out, buy this crap and then go to the actual post office to ship it? 

Mr.Wonderful
Aint_Haten_On_U... 1:37 AM Nov 14, 2010 YOU ELECTED THEM!!!! this is only the beginning!!!!more to come i guarantee it <~~ at least we exercised our right to vote, ANNA, you dick head!

Vote or die, buttface!!

CSLoko
This entire movement to ban Four Loko is rediculous... if you feel the same way go to www.thelokolist.com and let America drink what America wants to drink! www.thelokolist.com.

Note to Four Loko:  If you are going to pay people to go to the comments section to try to drum up support for your product, at least make sure they know how to use spellcheck.

NYYCaptain15
Nanny Dearest invades New York again.

And she's checking your closet to make sure there's no wire hangers.

eveiny
To quote a Boardwalk Empire commercial-'When alcohol was outlawed, outlaws became kings'

We can do that too!! To quote a Chevy commercial - "This is our country!!" 

Bet you thought you finally had that one out of your head after 2 years.
madeline1
This sucks! I want four loko back! And while we're at it.....I want my EPHEDRA back, too!!!!!!

Little known fact: Madeline’s resting heart rate is 274 beats per minute.

..... is from B...
BAH!!!!! hehehehe! big brother cant knock my fun! "hell,, the illegality is half the fun of buying drugs and illegal stuff's ANYWAY!!". I'M JUST ANGRY THAT I DON'T HAVE STOCK in whatever company puts this stuff out..TALK ABOUT FREE ADVERTISING!!! MAN!! u just know all the kiddies are gonna be clamoring fo it now!...but i ain't mad,you guys ever taste this stuff???? yuck! NOTHING and i mean NOTHING beats the OLD STANDBY .....the 40 ounce malt liquor!!


Sometimes they don't even need a joke.