The Persnickety Project's Guide to Job Searching - Part 1 - Interview Prep

In this economy (that might be our favorite eraser phrase of all time - “We’re sorry, in this economy, we can’t be expected to act like decent human beings.”), we expect that at least a few of our 13 readers spend some portion of their time either trying to find a job, or at least a better one.  Since the Persnickety Project has done more than its fair share of research on the topic and we figured a few posts might be in order. Think of it as a public service designed to give you an “edge” when aimlessly pushing your cart around the job market.  Even if you are currently and gainfully employed we encourage you to read on because, you’re next.

Today’s topic. How to Prepare for An Interview. (No, we’re not going to go in order, DO WE NEED TO DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU PEOPLE?!?)

Dress For Success or at Least Mediocrity

It should go without saying that when attending an interview, you should always dress appropriately - a suit and tie for men and something sexy for women (more on that later!). We all know that, but how about some of the finer points? Let’s take a look.

Dress to your advantage. In other words, if you got it flaunt it.

Always dress for the position for which you are interviewing. For example, if you’re interviewing for that position as a security guard at the mall, invest in a good quality policeman uniform (for woman, go sexy policewoman), complete with plastic badge and gun. Another idea, if you’re interviewing for a position as a lawyer or corporate banker, simply dress like someone with no regard for the well being of others. IT’S JUST THAT EASY!!

Consider the effect your color choice will have. For instance, if you are interviewing with a bull, don’t wear red, it might get your gored!

Experts say women shouldn’t dress sensually unless sex appeal is part of the job. What does that mean, exactly? Dress sensually unless you are interviewing at a covenant, even then, strongly consider it.

Footwear is very important. Your shoes should be polished and tied. If you can’t keep them tied, get Velcro, you’re employed will think you’re innovative and comfortable with new technologies. One note on crocs which are oh so popular these days, leave them at home. The only time they are appropriate is when a job, like one as the quarterback of the New York Jets or one where you’re called upon to be a quote-unquote Gunslinger, calls for taking pictures of your dinkus, in which case they add to the allure.

Gaudy jewelry is a MUST. Women, your goal should be to look like you emptied your jewelry box on your head. Men, invest in a solid gold (or at least gold-plated) grill. Nothing distracts a low-IQ interviewer (which you are sure to think yours is) like shiny objects.

And finally, get your smell on and get it on hard. That means lots of cologne for the men and perfume for the ladies. Your goal is to make that office smell like a Checkoslovakian disco. An easy alternative for guys who might be out of their normal stink, cover yourself from head to toe in “Axe Deodorant Spray” but be careful the TV tells us you’ll have ladies literally crawling all over you and we believe it!!

Eating is Fundamental

There’s thing more embarrassing then sitting in an interview with a growly belly (except maybe explosive diarrhea, , but that’s still relevant anyway). Sure you’re too nervous to eat but if you’re going to combat either of those problems and show up for your interview alert and ready to shine, a balanced breakfast is key. We recommend a homemade bowl of onions, aromatic effects on your clothes and breath won’t go unnoticed. If you’re still hungry or still feeling a little nervous, wash it down with a nice tall glass of buttermilk - always settles us down.

Success Lies at the Crossroads of Preparation and Opportunity, Don't Keep Getting Stuck at the Intersection Two Streets Over

Before the interview, you’ve got to know everything you can about the company and the person you are interviewing with.

For the company, google them (don’t use Bing, Bing is shit.). Check the blogs to see what employees are saying under the cover of anonymity because anonymous sources are always the most reliable. Find out who’s suing them and for what. See if they got any bailout money. Check out which candidates for public office they emptied their coffers for. KNOW YOUR FACTS!

As for the interviewer, cyber-stalk the hell out of them. Check their account on The Facebook, Linked-in and all that other stuff. If you can find their phone number, call and hang-up just to hear their voice. If you get their email address, sign them up for a local restaurants email newsletter. They’ll appreciate the $2 off any size burrito coupon.

Finally, leave all your prep work to the last minute and stay up really late doing it the night before. Those bags under your eyes will only remind them how serious you are about this job.


Now that your ready to go, join us next time as we discuss ho the ins and outs of the actual interview process.

Did you like this? Hate this? We don’t care either way just become a follower so we can continue the charade of thinking we’re writing to someone who cares. Questions or comments, email us at thepersnicketyproject.@gmail.com