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| You could have just bought her a shot and saved $22,998. |
Seriously, Rutgers students? Really? Seriously? Did this really happen? And she got paid THAT much? Ivy League grads are being offer $35k to be abused as entry-level paralegals but some dumb, useless little shit, famous for being exactly that, gets an appearance fee of $32k at a college when she wouldn't know higher education if she puked on it? Yeah, the world is a screwed up place. We already knew that. But sometimes it's just so blatantly and obnoxiously absurd that you're got to say something. It won't help, it won't change that fact that we (including us, of course) as society are obsessed with these disasters, making them rich because we enjoy laughing at them? Or with them? Of maybe because they make us feel better about ourselves? Or, worse, because we want o be like them? Whatever the reason, one thing is clear: It's fucked. Not a "The World is Ending" kind of fucked but more like a "History Repeats Itself" fucked. But fucked nonetheless. (And yes, that thought required, no demanded, 4 f-bombs.)
So, Snookie shows up at Rutgers yesterday, gets paid $23k and we shed an angry tear for our school.
Rutgers University students got two hour-long question-and-answer sessions tonight with "Jersey Shore" icon Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi. In the first hour, Snooki offered anecdotes about her reality show, dance lessons, a demonstration on styling her iconic "pouf" hairdo and her lessons for life.
Wonder what AWESOME anecdotes she had to share. They must have been so interesting.
"So like one time the Situation showed everyone his abs and then Ronnie and Sammi broke up and got back together and Ronnie is on steroids and then I got punched in the face. And now we're famous. We're like one big family where everyone has herpes and no self-awareness."
Her parting advice to Rutgers students: "Study hard, but party harder."
Why even bother with the studying part. Be a drunken asshole and maybe you'll become famous and get rich. Get a degree and the chances of getting rich are severely diminished.
About 500 students attended the 8 p.m. sold-out show at the Livingston Student Center in Piscataway. A second show was scheduled to start at 10 p.m. Snooki was paid $32,000 for the two shows using money that came from the mandatory student activity fees paid by Rutgers undergraduates.
Oh god, that's so embarrassing. We just lit our Rutgers hat on fire.
Among the highlights and lowlights of the first show:
Snooki and her sidekick, comedian Adam Ace, brought eight students on stage to teach them the "Jersey Shore" fist pump and her signature "tree branch" dance.
After looking in depth at his website (check out the pictures of him with the ladies. Ugh.) for 35 seconds, we've determined that Adam Ace might be as big a douche as Snooki. Voting in the competition for worse name is still open.
Snooki introduced her father, who was in the audience and lifted his sweater to reveal a sleeveless T-shirt with "Papa Snooki" printed on the back. "My Dad is what you call... a retired guido," Snooki said.
Suddenly, it all makes sense. Do retired guidos collect pensions?
When asked her inspiration in life, Snooki said: "Being tan. When you're tan, you feel better about yourself."
Well, at least we have her fight with skin cancer to look forward to.
Snooki said she had partied at Rutgers before, but the details were hazy. "I'm pretty sure I came here. I don't remember what happened," she said.
Our guess is that her visit to Rutgers didn't end like this:
Snooki's final words for Rutgers: "I love you bitches!"
The students only acceptable goodbye should have been this
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