We swear this isn't going to become all we do here. But again, we came across a job posting so inappropriate that we just couldn't let it go by without comment. And, again, it highlights what kind of psychopaths attorneys can be. While you're reading it try to put yourself in the mind of a man who felt it appropriate to put this out for the world to see. (We'll make the usual disclaimer that Craigslist is totally unvetted so this could be completely fake but if it is, we give "mad props" to whoever wrote this comedic gem).
Let's go line-by-line-ish and check the "Creep-o-Matic" readings.
I am a lawyer in Center City Phila and I need a co-author/editor who can smile every day.
The Creep-o-Matic registers only a 2 at this point, mainly because it's programmed to give people the benefit of the doubt. Sure, having the primary qualification for the job being to "smile every day" is a little weird but maybe it's just be a cute little intro to get the point across that it's a friendly office environment.
No whiners "I am busy, I am tired," None of that. Must type 50 WPM and have positive attitude. Must be Friendly.
Or maybe not. That's "friendly" with a capital "F" bitch!! The candidate pool certainly shrinks from people who smile every day to those few who can maintain a positive attitude while this guy berates them like Ahhnold in Kindergarten Cop ("Stop Whining!!"). That and clowns. Clowns with smiley face make-up should also apply.
The COM is up to 5.
No legal experience necessary. Must follow the rules for pursuit of excellence. Good English and proper business manners required. Must dress elegantly and be deferential. Must smile.
Rule #1: SMILE!!!!!! The more we read the more we're convinced that this guy is actually looking for someone to murder not hire. It's starting to read like an episode of Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior. All we need is Forrest Whitaker pretending he's the unsub while looking in two directions at once: "I'm a lawyer. I'm from Philadelphia. I want her to dress elegantly and smile. So I kidnap her, tie her up and dress her in my mother's prom gown. (Pause for 12 seconds). I know where to find this guy." (Cut to Janeane Garofalo starting blankly like a JC Penny mannequin)
COM bumps up to 9.
Some evening work time required.
".... at my place of course."
COM: 10 and beginning to overheat.
Please email resume. This is a short-term assignment. Photo appreciated, but not required.
Way to blow your cover with the photo request dude. Guess he only plans on keeping them alive in his basement for a few weeks, thus the short term nature of the assignment.
COM: 147
Graciously Yours
Allan K.
There is absolutely nothing gracious about you, Allan. And if you google "Allan K, Lawyer, Philadelphia" someone comes up. We're quite sure it is NOT him.
BONUS!!
I am seeking legal representation to sue a college that I go to. My rofessor was made aware that students were cheating and did nothing about it.
Is that right Scooby?
I believe that my garde would have been higher had it not been for the cheaters.
"... or if I knew how to spell."
Rutgers and UMDNJ would have terminated this professor for a lack of integrity- but my college stands behind her .
No they wouldn't have. Keep dreaming, son.
Also anothe rprofessor came to school in pyjamas , missed class and our relationship deteroriated after I told her I could not pay her for tutoring.
A refund might be in order as well.
Again I believe the college lacks integrity. so I want to sue
Good luck with that. We're quite confident the court will award you damages in the first ever "Failure to Educate" cause of action.
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