Talking Stuff With LT



Grab a seat and let LT share his philosophy of life.

 honor of the great Lawrence Taylor (the HOF linebacker/crackhead, not the current washed-up running back) receiving the lowest sex offender status despite being convinced of solicitation of underage prostitutes (which unfortunately means he's spared the awkwardness of all those autograph requests when he informed his neighbors), we thought it might be fun to look back at his epic Fox News interview a few weeks ago. 

With that we present: Talking Whores with LT.
(Quotes from here.)

Speaking on Fox News' "Studio B with Shepard Smith," Taylor said he had asked the prostitute her age, and was told she was 19"

Taylor also made an appearance on "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" that involved more witty banter and walking but the show was cancelled before it aired.  We're not left with this.

"That's not my M.O. I've been around kids and people all my life,"

Two things:  (1) it's not his M.O. to get caught; and (2) we never realized that the presence of other people prevented this type of thing.  Kinda always thought it was the other way around.

"I'm not the cause of prostitution. And sometimes I make mistakes and I may go out there."

Totally not.  It's not the guy, who makes the call, and pays the money, and creates the demand that causes prostitution.  That's Economics 101.  Maybe later on we'll find someone to blame (that's foreshadowing!!)

"And I didn't go pick her up on no playground. She wasn't hiding behind the school bus or getting off a school bus. This is a working girl that came to my room."

Well, at least he wasn't lurking around the see-saw looking for company.  Now, THAT would have been inappropriate.  Anyone else get the impression that LT is missing the point here? 

Taylor blamed the institution of prostitution for the fact that he ended up with an underage girl.

There we go.  It's the institution of prostitution (which has a nice ring to it).  We suppose the guy who pays for the sex is completely separate and apart from the institution of prostitution (say it with us!!).  Might as well blame the Illuminati.

"It's the world of prostitution," he said during the Fox News interview. "You never know what you're gonna get. Is it gonna be a pretty girl, an ugly girl or whatever it's gonna be."

Little know fact about prostitution?  Exactly like a box of chocolates.  Thank you for those words of wisdom Forrest Hump.

Or a young girl? Smith asked.  "You can only ask," Taylor said. "I don't card them. I don't ask for a birth certificate."

He was misquoted, he meant "hope", "you can only hope."  Maybe he should ID them.  He could set up a little velvet rope, get a bouncer, hire a D.J., the whole nine yards.  Make it real classy.  As for the birth certificate, from what we read those things are damn hard to find.  Maybe he could get a "Certificate of Live Birth" or something like that.  But if he wants a real birth certificate, he'll probably have to consult Donald Trump.

Taylor said he had "no beef" with the girl.

How magnanimous of him.  He commits adulterous statutory rape with a hooker but he's not mad at her.  LT's a forgiving man.  It's inspiring!!

"I'll take my punishment like I should, but my problem is at home with my wife, so that's really the only one I have to answer to,"

"and the solution to that problem usually involves about five 0's."

"It happens sometimes," Taylor said. "I'd been on the road 10 or 11 days and I came in to town. Actually, I made a phone call to a friend of mine, and he made a phone call."

"And in fact, it wasn't even a phone.  He send a text message.  And wow that I think about it, he wasn't even really my friend, more of an acquaintance, a friend of a friend.  He might have used a homing pigeon or a smoke signal or something.  You know how it is, we're taking 10 days.  Ever heard that Bob Seger song.  The road is tough.  A man has NEEDS.  And a man like LT can't be caged up for the a little more than a week.  Are you kidding?  Two more days and .... you don't wanna know what would have happened."

"I'm not looking for a relationship. Hey, sometimes I look for some company," Taylor said. "It's all clean. I don't have to worry about your feelings. It's all clean. I'm not saying it's right. It's the oldest profession in the world."

LT doesn't wanna have to go on Facebook and change his status.  Or let some chick wear his varsity jacket. Or compromise on what movie he goes to see.  No promise rings for this guy.

"I guess you call it a crime," he said during the interview. "It's one of those crimes you don't think about. You never think you're gonna get busted because everyone does it until you get busted, and then it's more embarrassing than anything else."

"You know, if you define illegal things as crimes, per se.  But, LT don't play by society's rules.  It's like speeding.  Everybody speeds.  You speed.  I pay for sex and do drugs.  It's the same thing, man.  Victimless crimes.  Don't come at LT with your fake morality.  Hippocrates!!"