Monday, February 28, 2011
Real Football - The Pernickety Project's 2011 NFL Mock Draft - Version 2.0
Hello Persnickety football fanatics, we're knee deep in Combine-associated shit right now so it's time for Version 2.0 of our 2011 NFL Mock Draft complete with updated picks and offseaons needs for all 32 teams. Our last version came out right before players announced whether they'd stay in school or chase the money (fantastic timing on our part, we know). With the right players and the final draft order, our second attempt should be a bit more accurate.
1. Carolina Panthers, 2-14
Team Needs: WR, DE, DT, CB, OLB, G, C, All new players, Jerry Richardson to stop being such a douche
Nick Fairley, DT, Auburn, 6'4", 299 lbs
Carolina fans now understand what the Jets went through in 1996 when Peyton Manning decided to return to Tennessee for his senior season rather than join Bill Parcells in New York. It was a move that changed the fortunes of two franchises. With the relative sure-thing, Andrew Luck, gone new coach Ron Rivera will aim to improve the Panthers D, an important task in a division with the high-powered Saints and Falcons and emerging Bucs. The NFL is a copycat league and after Suh’s dominant rookie campaign, everyone will be looking for their own game changer inside. Fairley can be just that. His final year was just as dominant as Suh's was for Nebraska in 2009, finishing with 11 sacks, a Lombardi Award and a stellar performance in the National Championship Game (5 tackles 3 for a loss and a forced fumble.) and he possesses the size, power and quickness to dominate against the pass and the run. If he can put his maturity and work ethic issues behind him, Carolina will have one of the many pieces they need for the long road back. One thing to keep an eye on, Fairely weighed in a bit lighter than teams would like at the Combine (under 300 lbs) so keep an eye on Bowers or one of the QB's sneaking up as the process continues.
2. Denver Broncos, 4-12
Team Needs: LB, DT, OLB, The resurrection of John Elway, For their best defensive player to not be a 32-year old cornerback
Da'Quan Bowers, DE, Clemson, 6'4", 280 lbs
John Fox goes from the team with the first pick to the team with the second and finds the very same problems he left behind in Charlotte - an unproven QB and no defense. He’ll likely bring his 4-3 scheme with him (changing from the incumbent 3-4) so he'd be thrilled to land either Fairley or Bowers, both perfectly suited for that scheme. In this scenario, Bowers is the pick as the best pass rusher in the draft and a potential pro bowler. He racked up 16 sacks during his junior season and is exactly the type of big, strong, versatile pass-rusher that Fox can build a defense around like he did with Julius Peppers. Like Peppers or Justin Tuck, he can move all around the formation, including inside on passing downs to create havoc. A knee injury repaired after the season could raise durability concerns but we doubt he falls much past here regardless.
3. Buffalo Bills, 4-12
Team Needs: QB, OT, DE, OLB, SS, Hope, Passports
Robert Quinn, DE/OLB, North Carolina, 6'4", 254 lbs
The Bills are in a tough spot here with needs all across the board and no clear cut options for any of them. The emergence of Ryan Fitzpatrick as a serviceable NFL quarterback means they have the luxury of waiting rather than stake their futures on Gabbert or Newton (though don't be surprised is eventually one of them finds their way up here). Quinn, who missed his senior season due to NCAA infractions, is a physical freak and fearsome pass rusher who can play either standing in a 3-4 or with his hand in the dirt in a 4-3, giving the Bills some positional flexibility (get used to that word it's going to become a theme this year). His combination of speed, size and talent should make him an instant impact player as a situational pass rusher for a bad Bills defense (kind of like the anti-Aaron Maybin). NCAA issues notwithstanding, Quinn is considered a high-character player and exceptionally hard-worker (he worked his way back from a brain tumor his senior year in high school) and has all the tools to become a dominant end.
4. Cincinnati Bengals, 4-12
Team Needs: QB, RB, DE, T, S, MLB, New ownership, To love Carson Palmer and set him free
Marcell Dareus DE/DT Alabama, 6'2", 303 lbs
The Bengals remain delusional. After yet another disappointing season, they're bringing back Marvin Lewis (to save money, no doubt) and swear they’ll do the same with inconsistent Carson Palmer (are we all ready to admit he hasn't been the same since Kimo Von Oelhoffen destroyed his knee?) despite his ultimatum to trade him or watch him retire. Because of their hallucinatory state, they'll likely pass on a 1st round quarterback and the associated chance to remake their franchise. Still, reinforcements on defense are needed and Dareus, a defensive tackles who moves like a defensive end and could develop into a Richard Seymour-type swing lineman that can play any position is a solid, if uninspired, choice. He burst onto the scene with a rambling defensive touchdown in the Crimson Tide's BCS Title victory over Texas last season but failed to put together a dominant encore so the buzz might not be there but his flexibility, versatility and explosiveness make him an asset. He could develop into a real difference maker if he can get his effort to match his physical skills and has a shot at passing Fairely as the #1 DT if things break right.
5. Arizona Cardinals 5-11
Team Needs: QB, CB, OLB, T, G, A ruffie to forget the Derek Anderson era, To send Kurt Warner a piece of toast with an image of some religious thing to convince him it's his divine providence to play one more season
Patrick Peterson, CB, LSU, 6'1", 211 lbs
Regimes on the hot seat do not draft quarterbacks with single digit picks unless they want to lose their jobs and we doubt Wisenhunt is ready to leave the dry heat of Arizona. We see them chasing a veteran signal caller (McNabb, Kolb, Hasselbeck) and addressing their weak defense with this early pick. Peterson is a big corner in the Charles Woodson/Antonio Cromartie (without the kids hopefully) mold with elite size, great straight line speed, solid cover skills and the bonus of game-breaking return ability. His main weakness could come covering smaller, quicker guys underneath, i.e. Welker, but even that is mitigated by the idea that he could move to safety if needed a la Antrel Rolle or Malcolm Jenkins and if he runs a 4.2 at the Combine like he's said he would all that will be forgotten. No matter where he ends up he’s an impact player.
6. Cleveland Browns, 5-11
Team Needs: WR, T, LB, DE, Something else for people of Cleveland to do, A chaperon for the new 15-year old coach
A.J. Green, WR, Georgia, 6'4", 208 lbs
This is the biggest no brainer in the history of earth. No team is in more need of a top WR than the Browns and Green, a big, fast and productive player, is far and away the premier prospect as his position. He could form a potent tandem with Colt McCoy for years to come and finally give the Dog Pound something to bark about. Despite a uninspiringshowing at the combine (4.5 40, dropped some passes), we absolutely love Green's potential as a big time NFL playmaking WR along the lines of Roddy White and Reggie Wayne.
7. San Francisco 49ers, 6-10
Team Needs: QB, WR, QB, DT, QB, LB, QB, CB, QB, Winners, A glass of milk for Frank Gore and his broken hip
Blaine Gabbert, QB, Missouri, 6'5", 240 lbs
Inconsistent QB play cost Mike Singletary his job so new coach and former quarterback Jim Harbaugh will look to remedy that from the start. It takes guts to pick a quarterback this high after whiffing on Alex Smith only a few years ago (and passing on Aaron Rodgers, of course), but Gabbert, considered a Top 5 talent and in some eyes the best QB in the draft, has all the tools to wipe away that mistake for good. Despite being relatively unknown to the general public, he showed excellent athleticism at the combine to go with his prototypical size, arm strength and accuracy giving him all the tools necessary to succeed as a top-shelf passe. His pedestrian college numbers (less productive at Mizzou than NFL backup Chase Daniels) belie his big talent. If he can get his head on straight and become more than a 9-to-5 guy, his upside is unlimited.
8. Tennessee Titans, 6-10
Team Needs: QB, G, LB, CB, An owner who doesn't throw his coach under the bus and then pretend he didn't, For their new coach to grow a mustache and beard so fans think Jeff Fisher never left
Von Miller, OLB/DE, Texas A&M, 6'3", 240 lbs
After Jeff Fisher's surprising resignation, the Titans find themselves with a new coach and no quarterback. With Gabbert going in front of them and the expected reluctance to take the VY-like Cam Newton, we'd expect Tennessee to focus on the next best option for a quick turnaround - ramping up the pass rush. Miller tore up the Senior Bowl, showing the fluidity needed to play LB in the pros to go along with his truly special ability to get after the quarterback and is absolutely flying up draft boards to the point that he might not even make it to 8. He’s a pass-rushing phenom with the stats (21.5 TFL and 17 sacks in the Big 12 this past year) and the physical talent to develop into a true, all-around impact ‘backer in the mold of Clay Matthews.
9. Dallas Cowboys, 6-10
Team Needs: T, G, DE, S, CB, To go away, To not sell tickets for seats that don't exist
Prince Amukamara, CB, Nebraska, 6', 203 lbs
After an wonderfully, awful season, Dallas finds itself picking in the Top 10 after watching NFC-rival Green Bay hoist the Lombardi Trophy in their own building and with needs at positions where the available players don't warrant high picks. Boy, doesn't that suck. If Solder or Smith don't solidify a Top 10 grade, they’ll be left to try to fix some of their defensive holes (they have a ton of free agents) and maybe put their troubles in the back end to rest once and for all by taking Amukamara. Dallas' corners were nowhere to be found last year and the Prince represents great value at 9 on name alone. He’s an excellent cover corner with superior technical acumen, good size, great closing speed, proven production (see Locker, Jake: 4-20 v. Nebraska) and the ability to support the run. The gap between Prince and Peterson isn't huge and could even narrow weekly as the draft approaches (Prince is actually more fluid with better change of direction than the higher-rated Peterson. )
10. Washington Redskins, 6-10
Team Needs: QB, RB, WR, T, G, DE, DT, CB, LB, A Haynesworth/McNabb enema, Some sunscreen for old Stroke Face
Cam Newton QB, Auburn, 6'5", 248 lbs
Despite the deep well of needs present on the Redskins roster, we're still thinking that Shanahan will develop a man-crush on a quarterback and snag one here. At first we thought Locker might wow scouts at the Senior Bowl once he got more talent around him, but he fell victim to the same issues that dogged him throughout his career. That and Newton almost overwhelming talent move him into the Top 10 and make him the new object of Mike's affection. Shanahan loves mobile quarterbacks who demonstrate toughness and leadership and Newton, as much as anyone else, fits the bill. Despite an erratic combine throwing session and come divde on his interview performance, the buzz around Newton is and will continue to grow as the draft approaches. It will be hard to teams to pass on a guy with his production and physical talent, in fact, when all is said and done, he might not even make it to 10. He has all the talent you want with a blend of size, speed, passing ability, play making and on-field leadership, that few have seen before. He'll be able to make the plays outside the pocket that drives teams nuts and makes Shanahan's offense go. If he can demonstrate accuracy and put to rest questions about his maturity, he’ll be an absolutely HUGE star and give the Skins what they thought they were getting in the ill-fated trade for Donovan McNabb.
11. Houston Texans, 6-10
Team Needs: DT, CB, S, to get back to 8-8, To get Cushing back on the juice
Cameron Jordan, DE, Cal, 6'4", 280 lbs
Wade Phillips taking over won't be enough alone to fix an absolutely awful defense so the Texans will have to bring in reinforcements, starting with Jordan a rising end, best suited for the 3-4, who has the size and versatility Wade will covet as he tries to piece together a scheme. He can play anywhere in the line except the nose and, despite his lack of explosiveness gets to the passer with excellent technique incredible strength and a high energy approach. The Texans are going to love this guy.
12. Minnesota Vikings, 6-10
Team Needs: QB, S, DE, DT, OLB, To finally move on, Moving vans pointed toward L.A.
Nate Solder, T, Colorado, 6'8", 300 lbs
With Newton gone and guys like Locker and Mallett falling, the Vikes position of greatest need will have to wait. In that case, tackle becomes the position of best value for a team with talent all across the board so they potentially reach slightly for Solder. The battle for top tackle looks like it will be between Solder and Tyron Smith. Smith took the lead briefly in some circles by showing well on tape but Solder reestablished himself as perhaps the premier tackle prospect in this draft by dominating everyone and everything during Senior Bowl practices and showing otherworldly athletic ability for a man his size at the Combine. He's a former TE with excellent size and exceptional athleticism with the speed, agility which teams covet in their left tackles. He could develop as the heir to aging and inconsistent Bryant McKinnie.
13. Detroit Lions, 6-10
Team Needs: T, G, LB, SS, DE, CB, A shoulder that allows Stafford to get the ball to Megatron, To watch that Chrysler commercial before every game
Aldon Smith OLB Missouri, 6’5”, 260 lbs
Smith enters our mock draft for the first time at #13 due to his unique combination of size, athleticism and pass rush potential giving the Lions a high-upside prospect to further fortify a young defense. He’s got room to fill out his tall, lean frame and can play either 4-3 end or 3-4 rush-backer with plenty of speed to turn the corner on a tackle and enough strength to set the edge. Could be the perfect complement to Suh and will have an instant impact on passing downs whenever they play again.
14. St. Louis Rams, 7-9
Team Needs: WR, CB, OLB, DT, DE, S, G, To keep doing what they're doing
Julio Jones, WR, Alabama, 6'4", 211 lbs
The Rams are a team on the rise. In only one season, Bradford established himself as a franchise caliber signal caller and took a team that finished with the worst record in the league within one game of a playoff spot (sure it was the NFC West but still). To totally fulfill his immense potential, he needs a dynamic receiver on the outside to make plays for him. Much like Green to the Browns, this pick is a huge no-brainer. Jones has all the potential to be that big-time go-to receiver Bradford needs - his Marvin Harrison, if you will. Jones is a former top overall recruit at his position and has great size, deceptively good speed (he's a long strider!!) and put on a absolutely dominant performance at the Combine squelching any questions about his speed by running the 40 in 4.39 and catching everything in sight. The Rams might be lucky to get him at 14.
15. Miami Dolphins, 7-9
Team Needs: QB, RB, G, C, An offense, A more intimidating mascot than Flipper
Mark Ingram, RB, Alabama, 5'10", 215 lbs
Ideally Miami would trade up for a QB or down for an interior offensive lineman but if they stay at 15, a replacement for the likely departing two-headed disappointment of Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams to rebuild the running game could be in order. After winning the Heisman as a sophomore, Ingram had a down year but remains a first round talent capable of being a feature back with a nice combo of size and speed. Not physically imposing but he's an instinctive and effective runner, adept at setting up his blocks and consistently getting all the yards available - more Emmitt Smith than Adrian Peterson. Ran well enough at the combine to validate his place as a mid-first round running back prospect.
16. Jacksonville Jaguars, 8-8
Team Needs: DE, LB, S, A move to Los Angeles before the Vikes beat them to it
Adrian Clayborn, DE, Iowa, 6'3", 285 lbs
Doesn't it seem like the Jags have been searching for a pass-rushing defensive end forever? Well, they kinda have been, drafting pairs of defensive ends in both the 2008 and 2010, bringing in Aaron Kampman this off season yet still being unable to find a guy who could into the opposing team's backfield more than 5 times last season. With good size and a great motor, Clayborn is the type of power, penetrating, no quit end that could finally fill that void. He has the experience and leadership to step in immediately and contribute and is a player the intense Del Rio could fall in love with. He falls after an average year production-wise due to overwhelming attention by opposing offenses.
17. New England Patriots (from Raiders), 14-2
Team Needs: WR, T, OLB, A right to the face, To make a damn pick
JJ Watt, DE, Wisconsin, 6’5”, 280 lbs
If this is what is available for the evil genius he will likely trade down but to avoid screwing everything up, we’ll keep the pick here. Watt is a guy some are split with some having him much higher and some much lower so his value isn’t great, but give the depth of offensive line talent, we could see the Pats going for a d-lineman here. Watt is your typical relentless, not quite as physically gifted guy. He’s huge and versatile enough to play all over the line and who relies more on skill and smarts than sheer physical ability. Basically, he's the ideal Patriot and could be an impact player with Belichick pulling his strings.
18. San Diego Chargers, 9-7
Team Needs: DT, WR, DE, T, MLB, A less arrogant general manager, To kill Phillip Rivers
Corey Liuget, DT, Illinois, 6'3", 300 lbs
San Diego is another team with greater talent then its record suggests and without any absolutely glaring needs, they can simply look for the best available player. In this scenario, we see them trying to replace their once great nose tackle, Jamal Williams. Liuget, a rising junior, the highest rated DT on the board (over Version 1.0’s Paea who dropped a bit after film study) is the type of well-rounded run/pass DT that could help further solidify a defense that ranked high but was less than dominant. Not an elite athlete but possesses great strength, a relentless motor and elite instincts/recognition skills.
19. New York Giants, 10-6
Team Needs: OLB, T, RB, A mandatory team seminar on discipline and avoiding mistakes
Anthony Costanzo, OT, Boston College, 6'7", 295 lbs
Coughlin loves his BC guys and has had success (Snee and Kiwanuka) mining his former stomping grounds for talent. Costanzo, a four-year starter at BC, represents good value and with O'Hara, and Diehl both missing time last year and McKenzie not getting any younger, an infusion of youth is necessary. Another athletic, former tight end, Constanzo is mobile enough to pull but still possess the height and long arms teams covet. He carries a reputation as an excellent pass blocker with great feet but needs to improve his strength to really excel in the run. His rep as a hard worker with a good attitude make him a Coughlin kind of guy.
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 10-6
Team Needs: G, DE, OLB, S, More of the creamsicle uniforms
Ryan Kerrigan, DE, Purdue, 6'4" 259 lbs
Last year the Bucs addressed the interior of their defensive line, this year they start to work the edges starting with Kerrigan an excellent all-around end and relentless pass-rusher who racked up 13 sacks and lead the nation in tackles for loss as a senior Boilermaker with scouts saying he was unblockable at times. He could become the dominant edge-rusher the Bucs need to compliment McCoy and Price inside.
21. Kansas City Chiefs, 10-6
Team Needs: T, CB, WR, DT, LB, SS, A head coach who doesn't look like an offseason meth dealer
Akeem Ayers, LB, UCLA, 6'3", 249 lbs
The Chefs are a good team with a surprising number of largish holes with both the O-line and the linebacking corps in need of revisions. Ayers, a college defensive end with with a great size/speed combo and big-time athleticism is the type of player who could develop into a perfect 3-4 outside linebacker who can rush the passer, stop the run and cover. He's a raw playmaker that could be a real impact guy down the road if things break right.
22. Indianapolis Colts, 10-6
Team Needs: T, G, DT, SS, OLB, To wake Jim Caldwell from his slumber
Tyron Smith, T, USC, 6'5", 291 lbs
The foundation of the NFL's most consistent team started to show cracks this season after both injuries and the line's inability to keep the great Peyton Manning comfortable in the pocket, neutered their once-explosive offense. Smith probably goes higher than this once things shake out but if he falls this far the Colts get a steal. He’s the type of elite athlete that could develop into a true blind-side protector for #18. He came out after his junior season and needs increased strength to be dominant but the athletic gifts are evident. Also needs to show he can move from right to left after protecting Matt Barkley in a pass-heavy, pro scheme at USC.
23. Philadelphia Eagles, 10-6
Team Needs: CB, G, C, T, OLB, Integrity, A defensive coordinator who used to be an offensive line coach
Brandon Harris CB, Miami, 5’10”, 193 lbs
The Eagles need help in the secondary with Ellis Hobbs is likely done after a serious neck injury and suspect depth. Harris is a prototypical cover corner, a hardworking, passionate, “son of a coach” that teams love. He’s got a great build for the position, fluid hips excellent natural instincts and a short memory. An excellent athlete, he possesses the closing burst to recover (runs track for the U in the off season) and is physical enough to jam receivers and support the run (though he needs to show better discipline in breaking down and wrapping up when he tackles) . There’s really nothing not to like about his potential.
24. New Orleans Saints, 11-5
Team Needs: RB, DE, DT, OLB, SS, To avoid the short fall back to suckiness
Cameron Heyward, DL, Ohio State, 6'5", 278 lbs
In a division with Matt Ryan and Josh Freeman (and Jimmy Clausen!!), the Saints are going to need to rebuild a defense that showed serious signs of decline last season after being at its opportunistic best during their Super Bowl run in 2009. Despite a sub-par senior season, Heyward, the son of Tecmo Super Bowl legend Ironhead, is a fearsome talent that can play anywhere on the line and fits in either a 4-3 or 3-4 scheme so he gives them some versatility in filling their other holes and as we get later in the draft guys like that come at a premium. If the Saints stick with the 4-3 he projects as a power end who is stout against the run but still more than capable of rushing the passer. Will likely replace another former Buckeye standout - Will Smith.
25. Seattle Seahawks, 7-9
Team Needs: QB, T, G, C, DE, DT, SS, CB, Competition Dude!!
Mike Pouncey, G/C, Florida 6'5", 309 lbs
The Seahawks must do everything in their power not to take hometown boy Jake Locker here. They have many pressing needs and thanks to their playoff run sit in a terrible draft position. They have needs at both guard and tackle but Pouncey’s value as a versatile interior lineman makes him the pick. He’s got good size, quickness and a nasty streak that make him equally adept in the run and pass game. Not surprisingly, he profiles similarly to his twin, All-Pro Maurkice. Needs to work on finishing his blocks and following the play can get a little lax, but the ability is there. The Seahawks have a cornerstone type lineman here and should help keep Hasselbeck (in the short term and maybe "Clipboard Jesus" long term) upright.
26. Baltimore Ravens, 12-4
Team Needs: WR, CB, S, T, OLB, C, A chill pill
Jimmy Smith, CB, Colorado, 6'2" 203 lbs
The Ravens defense has been dominant for the majority of the last decade but it's finally starting to show signs of age and the secondary seems like the most likely target for an upgrade. Smith, who by some is rated as a Top 15ish selection due to his excellent combination of speed and size, is the type of strong, aggressive corner that can fit right into Baltimore’s attacking scheme. He can press, tackle and make plays on the ball. Another excellent all-around corner prospect.
27. Atlanta Falcons, 13-3
Team Needs: T, DE, G, OLB, People to care enough to come up with something snarky to say
Gabe Carimi, OT, Wisconsin, 6'6", 318 lbs
Falcons need a #2 WR to play opposite Rowdy Roddy White as well as a pass-rusher to replace John Abraham but since nobody at either position represents great value, they’ll do what smart teams do, fortify their line. (if, they don’t trade down to a team that is looking to jump up for Mallett or Locker.) Carimi is a big, nasty boy and a mauler perfectly suited to line up at RT across from Sam Baker and open holes for The Burner. Coming from Wisconsin he’s a proven run blocker but still shows underrated pass blocking skills with good quickness and an top notch first step. Will do a great job protecting Matt Ryan for the next decade.
28. New England Patriots, 14-2
Team Needs: WR, T, OLB, A left n the face, Seriously pick a player
Justin Houston, OLB/DE, Georgia, 6'3", 254 lbs
After snagging a versatile lineman at #17, the Pats continue to address their team "deficiencies" on defense, this time adding a pass-rusher to the fold. Houston has the ideal size, speed and pass-rushing ability to fit at outside linebacker in Belichick's 3-4 front but comes with the added bonus of playing in both the 3-4 and 4-3 while at Georgia. We’re beating a dead horse here, but the Pats love versatility. Houston, only a junior, left the SEC as one of the leading sackers after racking up double digits his last year in Athens and still has plenty of room to grow and possesses the instincts, power and athleticism to make it happen. Showed up at the Combine bulked up to 270, which can only help his stock.
29. Chicago Bears, 11-5
Team Needs: T, WR, G, C, OLB, DT, Some semblance of a running game, To be aware that rain isn’t water falling from the sky, it’s god spitting at Jay Cutler
Derek Sherrod, OT, Miss St, 6'5", 303 lbs
After allowing 55 sacks this year and either need to find a way to keep Cutler upright or find a better backup. He took a beating and his toughness has been questioned so bringing in Sherrod, a good pass blocker with solid initial quickness and long arms, is a solid move. He needs to work on his technique and get stronger, particularly late in games when he can give up the inside rush a little too easily but he’s got plenty of upside as a starting tackle.
30. New York Jets, 11-5
Team Needs: G, DE, DT, OLB, WR, To shut the fuck up, seriously, please stop talking, Rubbers for Cromartie
Muhammad Wilkerson, DT, Temple, 6’5”, 305 lbs
After again coming within a hair of the Super Bowl, the Jets face an offseason of transition with something like 18 important players entering free agency. We're going to assume they resign enough of their offensive pieces to be set on that side of the ball so that leaves them searching for young, impact players to improve an already solid defense. When you really look at the front 7, you have to be amazed at how much Rexy was able to get out of them. At this point in the draft, juniors like Wilkerson, who if they had stayed in school could have been Top 10-15 picks next year, represent excellent value. Sure they have to be developed but the talent it there. Given another year, Wilkerson might have propelled himself into the Marcell Dareus category of quick, versatile and powerful defensive lineman who have the bulk to play 3-4 end or 4-3 tackle. Could be the eventual replacement for Shaun Ellis.
31. Pittsburgh Steelers, 12-4
Team Needs: T, DE, CB, G, A less rapey QB, To miss the playoffs like all the other Super Bowl losers
Aaron Williams, CB, Texas, 6’, 192 lbs
After a Super Bowl loss, the Steelers could look to upgrade two areas of weakness their OL or CB. Since many of the best tackles are already off the board we see them going the corner route. Neither Taylor nor McFadden is elite so bringing in Williams a guy with perfect size to handle bigger receivers like Boldin make sense. Despite being highly inconsistent in college (jumping routes, peaking into the backfield and generally taking too many chances) the physical skills are present to mold a solid starter.
32. Green Bay Packers, 10-6
Team Needs: RB, OLB, DE, G, CB, Crackers, To get caught up in the hype and fall apart (please!!)
Phil Taylor, DT, Baylor, 6’3”, 337
With all of the young talent on both sides of the ball, The Cheese Head Nation looks like it could be in for a long reign at the top. The Pack has needs but nothing is so pressing that they should reach. Instead, they go for the best available defender and end up with the massive Phil Taylor. Taylor is a massive, run anchor who free up the rest of Green Bay’s playmakers to make plays. He lacks much range but there might not be a prospect better at stacking up blockers and occupying double teams. He has elite strength and power but lacks the stamina needed to be an every down player. Character concerns also dog him after being dismissed from Penn State for “academic reasons.”
Friday, February 25, 2011
Real Hoops - Hypothetical NBA Contraction Mock Draft
Talk of contraction has been all the rage this week as the 3 major team sports (sorry hockey) all face their own looming labor unrest. For the NBA it all started when before the season when NBA overlord David J. Stern dropped the bomb that owners would consider contraction as a way to reduce player salaries in the upcoming CBA negotiations. Sure, it was probably a negotiating tactic (though if you think Stern makes that kind of statement without it at least being on the table, you don't know King David), but the idea of contraction hit us like a bolt of lighting. Could you imagine what would happen if a few of the worst teams had their best players redistributed to fortify, and in some cases transform, the remaining teams and reversing the decade long trend of roster depth thinning out. The math is simple - Better Depth = Better Teams = Better Games = Better NBA. It would be awesome for everyone except the fans in the contracted cities (and if they really cared wouldn't they go to the games?). Well, we could imagine, and as it our want, we decided to mock draft it to see what it might look like.
Who Gets Canned?
Without much surprise, the primary candidates for contraction come from the pool of perennial bottom dwellers - Raptors, Cavs, Timberwolves, Nets, Bobcats, Hornets, Grizzlies, Clippers, and Kings.
Of those teams, you can eliminate 3 right away:
Nets - new billionaire Russian owner, pending move to new arena in Brooklyn)
Cavaliers - just too endlessly cruel, if they took away another team the whole city might drown themselves in Lake Eerie.
Bobcats - owned by Michael Jordan, no way the league forces him out
Of the six remaining viable candidates, the Hornets deserve to go the most, but they're also the least likely. Despite being in an awful market with no attendance and finding themselves currently owned by the League, that awful market happens to be the site of a great American tragedy so there's no way the NBA abandons them. (We'll ignore how dumb is it to think a mediocre basketball team can save a city and just move on.)
Of the five that are left (Raptors, T'Wolves, Grizzlies, Clippers and Kings), the most likely scenario would have two being cut. Memphis is a no-brainer (low attendance, small market, bad owner) with the other likely victim being either Minnesota (same) or Toronto (in Canada). But since, it's our fantasy world, we're going to go even further and make a real difference by eliminating four teams. (How much fun would this be if Kevin Love was the #1 overall pick.)
In our scenario, Toronto, Minnesota, Memphis and the Clippers say goodbye. By doing so, the League remedies one of its more underrated problems by forcing out three of sports' worst owners with the added bonus of no longer having to sing "Oh, Canada" before games. We gave Sacramento the pardon over the Clips because Donald Sterling, the Clippers owner, is a racist, pig. As a reward for being less abhorrent than Sterling, the Kings get to Anaheim to become the second L.A.-area team, only without the stigma of playing second fiddle to the Lakers at Staples Center.
You do a little realignment by moving Milwaukee out west and you have two tidy, 13-team conferences and a much healthier league overall.
How Would It Work?
In January 2012, the League and the Player Association would announce that, as part of their settlement on a new CBA, the Minnesota Timberwolves, Memphis Grizzlies, Los Angeles Clippers and Toronto Raptors would be eliminated (with Sacramento Kings moving to Anaheim) in exchange for only a minimal reduction in player max salaries and small changes to the salary cap structure, including the inclusion of a "franchise tag." Stern can barely contain his excitement as he announces a dispersal draft will be held two weeks later, with the order to be determined using the NBA's draft lottery formula (we ran it here to get our order), live on ESPN.
The fans from the contracted cities shrug and go on with their lives while Bill Simmons pens a 5,000 word colum for ESPN.com mourning his break-up with Blake Griffin and complaining that to see a game he'll have to get Laker championship confetti all over his keyboard. The league buys out the owners (any lawsuits are immediately dropped after Stern gives the Plaintiffs a dirty look) and two weeks later we get our dispersal draft, hosted by Stuart Scott. Let's go there live ...
"Booyah!! Welcome to the Prudential Center in the Brick City, Newark, New Jersey, for the NBA Dispersal Draft. Clear eyes, full heart, these teams can't lose. Booyah!! Let's take a look at the available players. Little known fact, all four of these teams, were once NBA franchises (looks into the camera with his good eye like he just made an incredibly profound point). Booooo-Yah!!!
Los Angeles Clippers Roster
Mo Williams - $9.0M, 1 Year
Chris Kaman - $11.8M, 1 Year
Blake Griffin - $5.4M, 1 Year (1 year TO)
Randy Foye - $4.3M, 1 Year
Ryan Gomes - $4.0M, 2 Year
Eric Gordon - $3.0M, 1 Year (restricted)
Al-Farouq Aminu - $2.6M, 1 Year (2 year TO)
Eric Bledsoe - $1.5M, 1 Year (2 year TO)
Willie Warren - $500K, 2 Years
DeAndre Jordan - $800K (restricted)
Minnesota Timberwolves Roster
Michael Beasley - $5.0M, 1 Year (restricted)
Martell Webster - $4.8M, 2 Years (last non-guaranteed)
Darko. Milicic - $4.3M, 3 Years (last non-guaranteed)
Nikola Pekovic - $4.3M, 2 Years
Luke Ridnour - $4.0M, 3 Years
Wesley Johnson - $3.7M, 1 Year (2 year TO)
Kevin Love - $3.6M, 1 Year (Restricted)
Jonny Flynn - $3.2M, 1 Year (1 year TO)
Anthony Randolph, $2.9M, 1 Year (restricted)
Anthony Tolliver - $2.2M, 1 Year
Wayne Ellington - $1.1M, 1 Year (1 year TO)
Lazar Hayward - $1.0M, 1 Year (2 year TO)
Rights to Ricky Rubio
Memphis Grizzlies Roster
Rudy Gay - $13.6M, 3 Years
Marc Gasol - $3.5 (restricted free agent)
Mike Conley - $4.9M, 5 Years
O.J. Mayo - $4.5M, 1 Year (restricted)
Tony Allen - $3.0M, 2 Years
Xavier Henry - $2.0M, 1 Year (2 year TO)
Darrell Arthur - $1.1M, 1 Year (1 year TO)
Grevis Vasquez - $1.0M, 1 Year (2 year TO)
Sam Young - $886K (team option)
Toronto Raptors Roster
Jose Calderon - $9.0M, 2 Years
Andrea Bargnani - $8.5M, 4 Years
Leandro Barbosa - $7.1M (player option)
Julian Wright - $3.9m (restricted)
Amir Johnson - $5.0M, 4 Years
Linas Kleiza - $5.0M, 2 Years
Demar DeRozan - $2.5M, 1 Year (1 year TO)
Jerryd Bayless - $2.3M, 1 Year (restricted)
Ed Davis - $1.9M, 1 Year (2 year TO)
James Johnson - $1.7M, 1 Year (1 year TO)
Solomon Alabi - $670.K, 1 Year (1 year TO)
With the first pick in the 2012 NBA Dispersal Draft, The New Jersey Nets are on the clock. Trade rumors have been rampant the past several days with teams offering anything and everything for a chance to to get his guy, Blake Superior, Blake Griffin. Blake once played on a team with his brother Taylor. They both look somewhat alike. (stares at camera). Booyah!!
1. New Jersey Nets: Blake Griffin, PF, L.A.;
A blog can dream, can't it? The Nets strike gold in the dispersal lottery and end up with a player that, when combined with D-Will and Lopez immediately makes them a viable contender. Miami's Big Three might still have the edge but the Nets would match-up incredibly well. It would be a dream come true for Nets fans, too bad it's all fake.
Impact: Franchise Player
2. Cleveland Cavaliers: Rudy Gay, SF, Memphis;
Love is better but the Cavs pick get Gay based on need and their ability to control him longer. They have decent inside players in Hickson and Verejao so getting Gay, a young, one-dimensional scorer with elite athleticism, would certainly give the moribund franchise a boost and bring playoff hopes back to the Mistake by the Lake.
Impact: Starter/Potential Star
3. Kings: Kevin Love, PF, Minnesota;
The UCLA product and rebounding prodigy would be a perfect fit in our fantasy world where the Kings go to Anaheim (they should become the L.A. Kings and copy the hockey teams only silver and black unis, Ice Cube would love that shit). Playing with Cousins at center, they'd be a devastating inside-outside big man combo that kills everyone on the boards. Add in Tyreke Evans and they're instantly a playoff contender.
Impact: Superstar
4. Washington Wizards: Michael Beasley, F, Minnesota;
Big guys always get a bump in any draft so Beasley goes before Eric Gordon. He's a bit of damaged goods but he can score and might benefit from playing his natural 4 position next to ultra-athletic, shot-blocker Javale McGee and developing superstar, John Wall and suddenly there's basketball hope in our nation's capital. If he ever gets his head on straight, he could be Lamar Odom-like.
Impact: Starter/Potential Star
5. Detroit Pistons: Chris Kaman, C, L.A.;
Again, size matters as the Pistons take the rare opportunity to pick up a quality center. Kaman would give them a year to see if he can work in tandem with the developing Greg Monroe without committing long-term dollars and if they like him, they have a leg up on resigning him in 2012. A starting line-up of Stuckey, Gordon, Hamilton/Daye, Monroe and Kaman would be competitive.
Impact: Starter
6. Milwaukee Bucks: Eric Gordon, G, L.A.;
The Bucks get lucky and snag potentially the 2nd best player available. Gordon is a knock-down shooter who already averages over 22 ppg but hasn't yet reached his ceiling. He could be the perfect go-to scorer to team with Bogut and Jennings and, with the power shift back east, propel the Bucks to the playoffs in their first season in the West.
Impact: Potential Superstar
7. Charlotte Bobcats: Marc Gasol, C, Memphis;
The trend continues of teams filling massive holes by picking up legit NBA big men. There are only so many of these guys on earth so Charlotte takes Gasol despite his status as a restricted free agent, hoping they can sign him. An Augustine/Gasol core isn't anything to get too excited about but they'd at least have a point guard, center and cap space to work with as the flagging franchise searches for direction.
Impact: Starter
8. Houston Rockets: Rights to Ricky Rubio, PG, Minnesota;
Rockets GM, Daryl Morey is known to be aggressive in gathering assets and Houston remains in desperate need of a stud in the wake of McGrady's departure and Yao's almost tragic physical deterioration. The bloom is off Rubio's rose after a down season in Spain and he might balk at playing in West Texas but he remains a high-end prospect or an attractive trade chip in Houston's quest.
Impact: Potential Star/Superstar
9. Golden State Warriors: Al-Farouq Aminu, F, L.A.;
Unlike most of the teams on the outside of the playoffs looking in, the Warriors have a decent big man (Lee) and dynamic guards (Curry and Ellis) so they'd probably look for help in the wings. Aminu is a former Top 10 pick who's super athletic and can swing between the 3 and 4 to provide some flexibility as the Warriors continue to rebuild.
Impact: Starter/Rotation Guy/Potential Star
10. Phoenix Suns: Andrea Bargnani, C/PF, Toronto;
The Suns love jump-shooting big men and, despite his obvious faults (lack of rebounding or any semblance of defense), Bargnani does that very well. He'd be a good floor spacing compliment to the Suns' burly inside guys like Gortat and Lopez and could even up his 22 ppg average while playing with Steve "The Hostage" Nash.
Impact: Starter/Potential Star
11. Indiana Pacers: O.J. Mayo, G, Memphis;
After apparently missing out on acquiring him at the deadline due to their clocks not being set to daylight savings time, the Pacers could snag Mayo as a compliment to Collison in their backcourt. He's not the player some thought he'd be when he came out and was drafted #3 overall but he's versatile and can defend and shoot well enough to be an excellent complimentary guard. If Paul George develops, the Pacers could have a nice core with Collison-Mayo-Granger-George-Hibbert-Hansbrough (Physco T!!).
Impact: Starter/Potential Star
12. Philadelphia 76ers: DeAndre Jordan, C, L.A.;
Jordan isn't widely known but he's a big time athlete and legit 7-footer who can run the floor, play defense and block shots. He'd provide a perfect compliment to the Philly core of Holliday, Brand, Iggy and Turner and make the Sixers a perennial playoff team as long as that group was kept in tact.
Impact: Starter
Cooler than the other side of the pillow!!
13. New York Knicks: Ed Davis, PF, Toronto;
After rightfully gutting their roster to get Carmelo, the Knicks need bodies, particularly big ones. They'd be tempted by Darko's shotblocking presence but New York would eat him alive so they'd take the opportunity to grab a Top 10 draft pick in Davis is an athletic big man who's specialty is rebounding and defense. He's young and needs to get stronger but he'd compliment Amare enough to get some burn in NYC.
Impact: Rotation Guy/Potential Starter
14. Utah Jazz: Demar DeRozan, SG, Toronto;
With the Jazz trading Deron Williams, they're in full rebuilding mode so DeRozan, an athletic guard the likes of which Utah hasn't seen lately, would fit. Another high draft pick, he needs to improve his shooting and defense but the potential for goodness is there.
Impact: Starter/Potential Star
15. Denver Nuggets: - Wesley Johnson, F, Minnesota;
For Denver it's all about collecting your players in the wake of the Melo-Drama. Johnson, another Syracuse product, is super athletic and gives them another potential wing to choose from. He'll never be a star but he's got the skills to be a solid player for a winning team.
Impact: Rotation Guy
16. New Orleans Hornets: Xavier Henry, G/F, Memphis;
If, as many expect, David West walks, the Hornets will be left in quite the bind as they try to convince CP3 to stay. Henry is pretty one dimensional but that one dimension - shooting - is special. After Paul leaves, they'll have a a poor-man's Michael Redd to help the rebuilding process.
Impact: Rotation Guy
17. Portland Trailblazers: Mike Conley, PG, Memphis;
For whatever reason, Andre Miller's time in Portland is running out so Conley would represent a smooth transition. He's played well enough to justify about 80% of his big contract and the possibility that reuniting him with Oden might rejuvenate the former #1 overall pick makes him worth the money.
Impact: Starter
18. Atlanta Hawks: Eric Bledsoe, PG, L.A.
The Hawks finally jettisoned the perennially disappointing Mike Bibby for the solid Kirk Hinrich and would have the chance to add their point guard of the future in Bledsoe. While he's only been in the league a few months it's clear he can play after being overshadowed by Wall and Cousins at Kentucky. He's got the chance to be a real stud and could be dynamic with Joe Johnson and Josh Smith.
Impact: Rotation Guy/Potential Star
Holla at a playa when you see him in the street!"
19. Orlando Magic: Darko Milicic, C, Minnesota
Darko, Darko, Darko. Perhaps nobody elicits a worse reaction from fans that ol' Darko. For all his faults, he does one thing very well - block shots and in a league with a dearth of big men, that's always valuable. Sure, he's overpaid and lazy but Orlando needs a back-up and he did work out well once upon a time playing with Superman.
Impact: Rotation Guy
(This is the point where things start to get real interesting again. The worst teams got potential game-changes, the middle teams got depth but now, as we reach the contender level, these teams have a chance to add a piece that puts them over the top, starting with the Thunder.)
20. Oklahoma City Thunder: Tony Allen, G, Memphis;
By adding Perkins, the Thunder have declared that they're ready to compete for championships and adding Tony Allen, a pesky defender who does as well against Kobe as anyone, would make perfect sense.
Impact: Rotation Guy/Defensive Specialist
21. Los Angeles Lakers: Anthony Randolph, C/F, Minnesota
Randolph is an extremely talented headcase who can handle the ball and block shots and his unique set of skills make him worth the risk for a Laker team that rarely has an opportunity to grab those types of players. The Lakers are beginning to age so infusing high-upside youth would be a priority. Maybe he turns into a player, maybe he busts completely. Their equally likely and neither would surprise us.
Impact: Who the hell knows
22. Chicago Bulls: Mo Williams, PG, L.A.;
The Bulls desperately need a guard who can come off the bench and score. Williams would be a perfect fit in both that role and off the ball with Derrick Rose when needed, since he knows how to play off a ball-dominating star form his time with Bron.
Impact: Potential Over-The-Top Guy
23. Dallas Mavericks: Luke Ridnour, PG, Minnesota;
Dallas doesn't care about mony so the overpaid, but steady Ridnour has to be intriguing. He's a good enough shooter to play in backcourt off-the-ball with Kidd or at the point with Roddy Beaubois. Dallas always has tremendous depth so it's hard to say he's the missing piece but he certainly wouldn't hurt.
Impact: Rotation Guy
Call him butter, he's on a roll.
24. Miami Heat: Jose Calderon, PG, Toronto;
While he's not a perfect fit for a team with LeBron/Wade ball-dominating style, Calderon is a good shooter to space the floor and a steady playmaker should those guys want to share a bit. He could also lead their second unity to avoid the steep dropoff they suffer anytime their stars need a rest. Sure, he's awful on defense, but nobody's perfect and he's better than what they have.
Impact: Potential Over-The-Top Guy
25. Boston Celtics: Randy Foye, G, L.A.;
Foye is a veteran combo guard who could both back up Rondo and spell Ray-Ray at the 2 to provide Doc with more versatility. He'd give them all the production of Nate or Delonte just without the mental issues. Even better, his contract comes off the books just in time for their big Dwight Howard push.
Impact: Rotation Guy
26. San Antonio Spurs: Jonny Flynn, PG, Minnesota;
There's really no telling where the Spurs will go as the Tim Duncan era slowly comes to an end but Flynn's talent is too good to go undrafted. He's struggled terribly as a poorly match triangle point guard, but he could develop into an aggressive, scoring point in the mold of Tony Parker.
Impact: Asset
And there you have it. Every single team in the league gets better and certain teams like the Nets, Thunder, Bulls and Heat put themselves in position to win championships, all while dumping bad owners and boring teams. Imagine a second round series with Blake-D-Will-Lopez vs. Miami's Big 3 or The Thunder rolling out Tony Allen to frustrate Kobe as they finally get over the hump. It's a win-win. Too bad, it'll never happen.
Boo-Yah!!
Who Gets Canned?
Without much surprise, the primary candidates for contraction come from the pool of perennial bottom dwellers - Raptors, Cavs, Timberwolves, Nets, Bobcats, Hornets, Grizzlies, Clippers, and Kings.
Of those teams, you can eliminate 3 right away:
Nets - new billionaire Russian owner, pending move to new arena in Brooklyn)
Cavaliers - just too endlessly cruel, if they took away another team the whole city might drown themselves in Lake Eerie.
Bobcats - owned by Michael Jordan, no way the league forces him out
Of the six remaining viable candidates, the Hornets deserve to go the most, but they're also the least likely. Despite being in an awful market with no attendance and finding themselves currently owned by the League, that awful market happens to be the site of a great American tragedy so there's no way the NBA abandons them. (We'll ignore how dumb is it to think a mediocre basketball team can save a city and just move on.)
Of the five that are left (Raptors, T'Wolves, Grizzlies, Clippers and Kings), the most likely scenario would have two being cut. Memphis is a no-brainer (low attendance, small market, bad owner) with the other likely victim being either Minnesota (same) or Toronto (in Canada). But since, it's our fantasy world, we're going to go even further and make a real difference by eliminating four teams. (How much fun would this be if Kevin Love was the #1 overall pick.)
In our scenario, Toronto, Minnesota, Memphis and the Clippers say goodbye. By doing so, the League remedies one of its more underrated problems by forcing out three of sports' worst owners with the added bonus of no longer having to sing "Oh, Canada" before games. We gave Sacramento the pardon over the Clips because Donald Sterling, the Clippers owner, is a racist, pig. As a reward for being less abhorrent than Sterling, the Kings get to Anaheim to become the second L.A.-area team, only without the stigma of playing second fiddle to the Lakers at Staples Center.
You do a little realignment by moving Milwaukee out west and you have two tidy, 13-team conferences and a much healthier league overall.
How Would It Work?
In January 2012, the League and the Player Association would announce that, as part of their settlement on a new CBA, the Minnesota Timberwolves, Memphis Grizzlies, Los Angeles Clippers and Toronto Raptors would be eliminated (with Sacramento Kings moving to Anaheim) in exchange for only a minimal reduction in player max salaries and small changes to the salary cap structure, including the inclusion of a "franchise tag." Stern can barely contain his excitement as he announces a dispersal draft will be held two weeks later, with the order to be determined using the NBA's draft lottery formula (we ran it here to get our order), live on ESPN.
The fans from the contracted cities shrug and go on with their lives while Bill Simmons pens a 5,000 word colum for ESPN.com mourning his break-up with Blake Griffin and complaining that to see a game he'll have to get Laker championship confetti all over his keyboard. The league buys out the owners (any lawsuits are immediately dropped after Stern gives the Plaintiffs a dirty look) and two weeks later we get our dispersal draft, hosted by Stuart Scott. Let's go there live ...
"Booyah!! Welcome to the Prudential Center in the Brick City, Newark, New Jersey, for the NBA Dispersal Draft. Clear eyes, full heart, these teams can't lose. Booyah!! Let's take a look at the available players. Little known fact, all four of these teams, were once NBA franchises (looks into the camera with his good eye like he just made an incredibly profound point). Booooo-Yah!!!
Los Angeles Clippers Roster
Mo Williams - $9.0M, 1 Year
Chris Kaman - $11.8M, 1 Year
Blake Griffin - $5.4M, 1 Year (1 year TO)
Randy Foye - $4.3M, 1 Year
Ryan Gomes - $4.0M, 2 Year
Eric Gordon - $3.0M, 1 Year (restricted)
Al-Farouq Aminu - $2.6M, 1 Year (2 year TO)
Eric Bledsoe - $1.5M, 1 Year (2 year TO)
Willie Warren - $500K, 2 Years
DeAndre Jordan - $800K (restricted)
Minnesota Timberwolves Roster
Michael Beasley - $5.0M, 1 Year (restricted)
Martell Webster - $4.8M, 2 Years (last non-guaranteed)
Darko. Milicic - $4.3M, 3 Years (last non-guaranteed)
Nikola Pekovic - $4.3M, 2 Years
Luke Ridnour - $4.0M, 3 Years
Wesley Johnson - $3.7M, 1 Year (2 year TO)
Kevin Love - $3.6M, 1 Year (Restricted)
Jonny Flynn - $3.2M, 1 Year (1 year TO)
Anthony Randolph, $2.9M, 1 Year (restricted)
Anthony Tolliver - $2.2M, 1 Year
Wayne Ellington - $1.1M, 1 Year (1 year TO)
Lazar Hayward - $1.0M, 1 Year (2 year TO)
Rights to Ricky Rubio
Memphis Grizzlies Roster
Rudy Gay - $13.6M, 3 Years
Marc Gasol - $3.5 (restricted free agent)
Mike Conley - $4.9M, 5 Years
O.J. Mayo - $4.5M, 1 Year (restricted)
Tony Allen - $3.0M, 2 Years
Xavier Henry - $2.0M, 1 Year (2 year TO)
Darrell Arthur - $1.1M, 1 Year (1 year TO)
Grevis Vasquez - $1.0M, 1 Year (2 year TO)
Sam Young - $886K (team option)
Toronto Raptors Roster
Jose Calderon - $9.0M, 2 Years
Andrea Bargnani - $8.5M, 4 Years
Leandro Barbosa - $7.1M (player option)
Julian Wright - $3.9m (restricted)
Amir Johnson - $5.0M, 4 Years
Linas Kleiza - $5.0M, 2 Years
Demar DeRozan - $2.5M, 1 Year (1 year TO)
Jerryd Bayless - $2.3M, 1 Year (restricted)
Ed Davis - $1.9M, 1 Year (2 year TO)
James Johnson - $1.7M, 1 Year (1 year TO)
Solomon Alabi - $670.K, 1 Year (1 year TO)
With the first pick in the 2012 NBA Dispersal Draft, The New Jersey Nets are on the clock. Trade rumors have been rampant the past several days with teams offering anything and everything for a chance to to get his guy, Blake Superior, Blake Griffin. Blake once played on a team with his brother Taylor. They both look somewhat alike. (stares at camera). Booyah!!
1. New Jersey Nets: Blake Griffin, PF, L.A.;
A blog can dream, can't it? The Nets strike gold in the dispersal lottery and end up with a player that, when combined with D-Will and Lopez immediately makes them a viable contender. Miami's Big Three might still have the edge but the Nets would match-up incredibly well. It would be a dream come true for Nets fans, too bad it's all fake.
Impact: Franchise Player
2. Cleveland Cavaliers: Rudy Gay, SF, Memphis;
Love is better but the Cavs pick get Gay based on need and their ability to control him longer. They have decent inside players in Hickson and Verejao so getting Gay, a young, one-dimensional scorer with elite athleticism, would certainly give the moribund franchise a boost and bring playoff hopes back to the Mistake by the Lake.
Impact: Starter/Potential Star
3. Kings: Kevin Love, PF, Minnesota;
The UCLA product and rebounding prodigy would be a perfect fit in our fantasy world where the Kings go to Anaheim (they should become the L.A. Kings and copy the hockey teams only silver and black unis, Ice Cube would love that shit). Playing with Cousins at center, they'd be a devastating inside-outside big man combo that kills everyone on the boards. Add in Tyreke Evans and they're instantly a playoff contender.
Impact: Superstar
4. Washington Wizards: Michael Beasley, F, Minnesota;
Big guys always get a bump in any draft so Beasley goes before Eric Gordon. He's a bit of damaged goods but he can score and might benefit from playing his natural 4 position next to ultra-athletic, shot-blocker Javale McGee and developing superstar, John Wall and suddenly there's basketball hope in our nation's capital. If he ever gets his head on straight, he could be Lamar Odom-like.
Impact: Starter/Potential Star
5. Detroit Pistons: Chris Kaman, C, L.A.;
Again, size matters as the Pistons take the rare opportunity to pick up a quality center. Kaman would give them a year to see if he can work in tandem with the developing Greg Monroe without committing long-term dollars and if they like him, they have a leg up on resigning him in 2012. A starting line-up of Stuckey, Gordon, Hamilton/Daye, Monroe and Kaman would be competitive.
Impact: Starter
6. Milwaukee Bucks: Eric Gordon, G, L.A.;
The Bucks get lucky and snag potentially the 2nd best player available. Gordon is a knock-down shooter who already averages over 22 ppg but hasn't yet reached his ceiling. He could be the perfect go-to scorer to team with Bogut and Jennings and, with the power shift back east, propel the Bucks to the playoffs in their first season in the West.
Impact: Potential Superstar
7. Charlotte Bobcats: Marc Gasol, C, Memphis;
The trend continues of teams filling massive holes by picking up legit NBA big men. There are only so many of these guys on earth so Charlotte takes Gasol despite his status as a restricted free agent, hoping they can sign him. An Augustine/Gasol core isn't anything to get too excited about but they'd at least have a point guard, center and cap space to work with as the flagging franchise searches for direction.
Impact: Starter
8. Houston Rockets: Rights to Ricky Rubio, PG, Minnesota;
Rockets GM, Daryl Morey is known to be aggressive in gathering assets and Houston remains in desperate need of a stud in the wake of McGrady's departure and Yao's almost tragic physical deterioration. The bloom is off Rubio's rose after a down season in Spain and he might balk at playing in West Texas but he remains a high-end prospect or an attractive trade chip in Houston's quest.
Impact: Potential Star/Superstar
9. Golden State Warriors: Al-Farouq Aminu, F, L.A.;
Unlike most of the teams on the outside of the playoffs looking in, the Warriors have a decent big man (Lee) and dynamic guards (Curry and Ellis) so they'd probably look for help in the wings. Aminu is a former Top 10 pick who's super athletic and can swing between the 3 and 4 to provide some flexibility as the Warriors continue to rebuild.
Impact: Starter/Rotation Guy/Potential Star
10. Phoenix Suns: Andrea Bargnani, C/PF, Toronto;
The Suns love jump-shooting big men and, despite his obvious faults (lack of rebounding or any semblance of defense), Bargnani does that very well. He'd be a good floor spacing compliment to the Suns' burly inside guys like Gortat and Lopez and could even up his 22 ppg average while playing with Steve "The Hostage" Nash.
Impact: Starter/Potential Star
11. Indiana Pacers: O.J. Mayo, G, Memphis;
After apparently missing out on acquiring him at the deadline due to their clocks not being set to daylight savings time, the Pacers could snag Mayo as a compliment to Collison in their backcourt. He's not the player some thought he'd be when he came out and was drafted #3 overall but he's versatile and can defend and shoot well enough to be an excellent complimentary guard. If Paul George develops, the Pacers could have a nice core with Collison-Mayo-Granger-George-Hibbert-Hansbrough (Physco T!!).
Impact: Starter/Potential Star
12. Philadelphia 76ers: DeAndre Jordan, C, L.A.;
Jordan isn't widely known but he's a big time athlete and legit 7-footer who can run the floor, play defense and block shots. He'd provide a perfect compliment to the Philly core of Holliday, Brand, Iggy and Turner and make the Sixers a perennial playoff team as long as that group was kept in tact.
Impact: Starter
Cooler than the other side of the pillow!!
13. New York Knicks: Ed Davis, PF, Toronto;
After rightfully gutting their roster to get Carmelo, the Knicks need bodies, particularly big ones. They'd be tempted by Darko's shotblocking presence but New York would eat him alive so they'd take the opportunity to grab a Top 10 draft pick in Davis is an athletic big man who's specialty is rebounding and defense. He's young and needs to get stronger but he'd compliment Amare enough to get some burn in NYC.
Impact: Rotation Guy/Potential Starter
14. Utah Jazz: Demar DeRozan, SG, Toronto;
With the Jazz trading Deron Williams, they're in full rebuilding mode so DeRozan, an athletic guard the likes of which Utah hasn't seen lately, would fit. Another high draft pick, he needs to improve his shooting and defense but the potential for goodness is there.
Impact: Starter/Potential Star
15. Denver Nuggets: - Wesley Johnson, F, Minnesota;
For Denver it's all about collecting your players in the wake of the Melo-Drama. Johnson, another Syracuse product, is super athletic and gives them another potential wing to choose from. He'll never be a star but he's got the skills to be a solid player for a winning team.
Impact: Rotation Guy
16. New Orleans Hornets: Xavier Henry, G/F, Memphis;
If, as many expect, David West walks, the Hornets will be left in quite the bind as they try to convince CP3 to stay. Henry is pretty one dimensional but that one dimension - shooting - is special. After Paul leaves, they'll have a a poor-man's Michael Redd to help the rebuilding process.
Impact: Rotation Guy
17. Portland Trailblazers: Mike Conley, PG, Memphis;
For whatever reason, Andre Miller's time in Portland is running out so Conley would represent a smooth transition. He's played well enough to justify about 80% of his big contract and the possibility that reuniting him with Oden might rejuvenate the former #1 overall pick makes him worth the money.
Impact: Starter
18. Atlanta Hawks: Eric Bledsoe, PG, L.A.
The Hawks finally jettisoned the perennially disappointing Mike Bibby for the solid Kirk Hinrich and would have the chance to add their point guard of the future in Bledsoe. While he's only been in the league a few months it's clear he can play after being overshadowed by Wall and Cousins at Kentucky. He's got the chance to be a real stud and could be dynamic with Joe Johnson and Josh Smith.
Impact: Rotation Guy/Potential Star
Holla at a playa when you see him in the street!"
19. Orlando Magic: Darko Milicic, C, Minnesota
Darko, Darko, Darko. Perhaps nobody elicits a worse reaction from fans that ol' Darko. For all his faults, he does one thing very well - block shots and in a league with a dearth of big men, that's always valuable. Sure, he's overpaid and lazy but Orlando needs a back-up and he did work out well once upon a time playing with Superman.
Impact: Rotation Guy
(This is the point where things start to get real interesting again. The worst teams got potential game-changes, the middle teams got depth but now, as we reach the contender level, these teams have a chance to add a piece that puts them over the top, starting with the Thunder.)
20. Oklahoma City Thunder: Tony Allen, G, Memphis;
By adding Perkins, the Thunder have declared that they're ready to compete for championships and adding Tony Allen, a pesky defender who does as well against Kobe as anyone, would make perfect sense.
Impact: Rotation Guy/Defensive Specialist
21. Los Angeles Lakers: Anthony Randolph, C/F, Minnesota
Randolph is an extremely talented headcase who can handle the ball and block shots and his unique set of skills make him worth the risk for a Laker team that rarely has an opportunity to grab those types of players. The Lakers are beginning to age so infusing high-upside youth would be a priority. Maybe he turns into a player, maybe he busts completely. Their equally likely and neither would surprise us.
Impact: Who the hell knows
22. Chicago Bulls: Mo Williams, PG, L.A.;
The Bulls desperately need a guard who can come off the bench and score. Williams would be a perfect fit in both that role and off the ball with Derrick Rose when needed, since he knows how to play off a ball-dominating star form his time with Bron.
Impact: Potential Over-The-Top Guy
23. Dallas Mavericks: Luke Ridnour, PG, Minnesota;
Dallas doesn't care about mony so the overpaid, but steady Ridnour has to be intriguing. He's a good enough shooter to play in backcourt off-the-ball with Kidd or at the point with Roddy Beaubois. Dallas always has tremendous depth so it's hard to say he's the missing piece but he certainly wouldn't hurt.
Impact: Rotation Guy
Call him butter, he's on a roll.
24. Miami Heat: Jose Calderon, PG, Toronto;
While he's not a perfect fit for a team with LeBron/Wade ball-dominating style, Calderon is a good shooter to space the floor and a steady playmaker should those guys want to share a bit. He could also lead their second unity to avoid the steep dropoff they suffer anytime their stars need a rest. Sure, he's awful on defense, but nobody's perfect and he's better than what they have.
Impact: Potential Over-The-Top Guy
25. Boston Celtics: Randy Foye, G, L.A.;
Foye is a veteran combo guard who could both back up Rondo and spell Ray-Ray at the 2 to provide Doc with more versatility. He'd give them all the production of Nate or Delonte just without the mental issues. Even better, his contract comes off the books just in time for their big Dwight Howard push.
Impact: Rotation Guy
26. San Antonio Spurs: Jonny Flynn, PG, Minnesota;
There's really no telling where the Spurs will go as the Tim Duncan era slowly comes to an end but Flynn's talent is too good to go undrafted. He's struggled terribly as a poorly match triangle point guard, but he could develop into an aggressive, scoring point in the mold of Tony Parker.
Impact: Asset
And there you have it. Every single team in the league gets better and certain teams like the Nets, Thunder, Bulls and Heat put themselves in position to win championships, all while dumping bad owners and boring teams. Imagine a second round series with Blake-D-Will-Lopez vs. Miami's Big 3 or The Thunder rolling out Tony Allen to frustrate Kobe as they finally get over the hump. It's a win-win. Too bad, it'll never happen.
Boo-Yah!!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Real Hoops - Where There's a D-Will, There's a D-Way
It's a very rare day when it's good to be a Nets fan but today is one of those days. Somehow, out of nowhere, Billy King, the man who once signed Kenny Thomas for something like a 45-year deal, recovered from a loss in the Carmelo Sweepstakes by nabbing Deron Williams in exchange for their starting point guard Devin Harris, last year's #3 overall pick Derrick Favors and two 2011 First Round Picks. They traded future potential for a 26-year old, proven star. In the words of the immortal Ice Cube - "Today Was a Good Day." (We thought about writing a column using the titles of Ice Cube movies but there all some damn stupid, we couldn't use them to make rational points. Don't believe us, try shoehorning xXx: State of the Union in.)
We're about a cynical as it gets when it comes to sports, particularly when it comes to the our teams, but there's nothing better then the feeling of pure joy you get when you click on ESPN.com for the 499 time and watch as it loads the headline "Williams to New Jersey." We're not ashamed to admit we did a corny little fist pump and arm raise in our cube when we read the news.
So is this move going to rival the Jason Kidd trade in terms of putting the Nets in contention? Only time will tell whether Williams becomes the player they can build a championship team around but acquisition of Jason Kidd in the history of the franchise, the Nets got themselves a player to build around, but for now, let's take a look at the salient points:
1. He's (Arguably) the Best Point Guard in the League
We're in the middle of a bit of a point guard rennisance right now and everyone seems to have their preference as to who's best, but any conversation about the title of "Best Point Guard In the League" absolutely includes Williams, along with Chris Paul and Derrick Rose with Nash (age), Rondo (shooting) and Westbrook (polish) eavesdropping outside the door. While Paul is the best distributor (and our choice when healthy) and Rose has exploded on the scene to become the most exciting, Williams probbaly possesses the best blend of size, shooting, passing and defense. He's as steady as they come and with Paul's knee raising serious concerns about his long term viability, Williams is probably the guy you'd choose to lead your franchise if they both hit the open market in 2012. Not only is Williams maybe the best point man in the league but ...
2. He's Better Than Carmelo
You really can't debate that point. Melo may be the flashier, more well-known player because of his name and scoring acumen, but people who know basketball (or so we've read) almost universally consider Williams the better, more valuable player. From the point he controls the game without having to score (but still averages over 20 a game), makes his teammates better and uses his elite size to bully smaller opponents. Guys who can do that are exceedingly rare. Scorers aren't. (Need points? Get yourself Monte Ellis or maybe Ben Gordon.) Melo is a Top 15-20 guy, Williams is a lock in the Top 10. By snagging a guy of that caliber ...
3. The Nets Outmaneuvered the Knicks
We have to admit, it's kind of fun to root for a franchise that blatantly fucks with the Knicks. The Knicks represent the old guard and the Nets, with their move to Hipster Haven, are tyring to position themselves as the "it" alternative. Leading the way is The Big Russian putting up billboards across from MSG and vowing to take the city. The record may not be perfect but at least they're trying. Whether they truly wanted Melo or not (they did) they succeeded in driving up the price for the Knicks only to turn around 24 hours later and pay less to get a guy the Knicks would have preferred to have anyway. It's like the reverse cold war. Still, despite all the clever maneuvering ...
4. The Nets Aren't Close
As good as Williams is, and he's excellent, the Nets aren't near contending with the current roster. Sure, if they get a full year out of D-Will next year, they'll probably win 45 games and make the playoffs but the goal is to get banners and to do that, they'll need more talent. Williams will undoubtedly make everyone better. Lopez, who has underachieved this year, will benefit from much easier looks. Anthony Morrow will thrive shooting open 3's and they might even get some offensive production from Kris Humphries, Travis Outlaw and the newly acquired Brandan Wright with Williams running the show. But they'll need additional help all over if they're going to compete with Boston, Miami, Orlando, Chicago and even New York n the suddenly stacked east. If Lopez blossoms into a big, big time center that lessens the gap but the front office needs to be patient in constructing a team with staying power. They still have 3 picks in the first rounds of the next two drafts to find your reinforcements and a ton of cap room this offseason. Unfortunately for them, the 2011 draft and free agent classes are both considered weak so they need to avoid the urge to throw huge money at good players like Zach Randolph or David West who won't get them over the hump. The better move is to try to rid themselves of dump contracts like the one they gave Travis Outlaw to make room for a better 2012 class or use their cap room to facilitate a trade when the right guy becomes available. Of course, this is all easy to say now, but ...
5. He Might Not Stay
As much as we love the deal, you can't ignore the risks, particularly the very real possibility that Williams, who is signed through next year before he can opt out, wants nothing to do with Jersey/Brooklyn and leaves. The Nets can discuss an extension starting in July but with the looming CBA changes there's not telling how that will work out. Should D-Will take his talents to the L.A. or Manhattan, Derrick Favors (a guy who basketball people are highly divided about) develops into the next Dwight Howard and the draft picks net the Jazz Kyrie Erving and another starter, it could end up being a very expensive rental. We're not even mentioning the potential that Avery Johnson, a good coach who is notoriously hard on point guards, grates on him to the point he wants out. That said, there's always risk involved and ...
6. They're In Better Position Then They Were Yesterday
Guys like Williams are almost impossible to acquire. You either draft them or get lucky enough to have the right mix of assets or cap room to make a move during those rare times when they can be pried loose. They're White Rhinos. We can pretty much guarantee he wasn't coming to the Nets as a free agent, so why not take the opportunity to show him up close that you are a first-class organization (don't laugh, the Mavs were a laughingstock before Cuban), treat him right, sell him on the cache of being the absolute centerpiece of the team and leading them into Brooklyn (don't underestimate the power of him feeling "ownership" of "his" team, a la Durant) and hope that's enough to get him to sign on? It worked with Jason Kidd (and even Cliff Lee for the Phillies). Should all that fail, maybe the new CBA has additional protections to help teams keep their players (franchise tag, anyone?) If he stays they've won the lottery, if he balks, you trade him and recoup some of the assets you lost. (As we learned with Carmelo, there's always value with these guys, even when they only want to go one place). Seems entirely reasonable to us.
So today was a good day to be a Nets fan and, if things go according to plan, more could be on the way. Maybe this time, we could actually have a chance in the Finals ....
We're about a cynical as it gets when it comes to sports, particularly when it comes to the our teams, but there's nothing better then the feeling of pure joy you get when you click on ESPN.com for the 499 time and watch as it loads the headline "Williams to New Jersey." We're not ashamed to admit we did a corny little fist pump and arm raise in our cube when we read the news.
So is this move going to rival the Jason Kidd trade in terms of putting the Nets in contention? Only time will tell whether Williams becomes the player they can build a championship team around but acquisition of Jason Kidd in the history of the franchise, the Nets got themselves a player to build around, but for now, let's take a look at the salient points:
1. He's (Arguably) the Best Point Guard in the League
We're in the middle of a bit of a point guard rennisance right now and everyone seems to have their preference as to who's best, but any conversation about the title of "Best Point Guard In the League" absolutely includes Williams, along with Chris Paul and Derrick Rose with Nash (age), Rondo (shooting) and Westbrook (polish) eavesdropping outside the door. While Paul is the best distributor (and our choice when healthy) and Rose has exploded on the scene to become the most exciting, Williams probbaly possesses the best blend of size, shooting, passing and defense. He's as steady as they come and with Paul's knee raising serious concerns about his long term viability, Williams is probably the guy you'd choose to lead your franchise if they both hit the open market in 2012. Not only is Williams maybe the best point man in the league but ...
2. He's Better Than Carmelo
You really can't debate that point. Melo may be the flashier, more well-known player because of his name and scoring acumen, but people who know basketball (or so we've read) almost universally consider Williams the better, more valuable player. From the point he controls the game without having to score (but still averages over 20 a game), makes his teammates better and uses his elite size to bully smaller opponents. Guys who can do that are exceedingly rare. Scorers aren't. (Need points? Get yourself Monte Ellis or maybe Ben Gordon.) Melo is a Top 15-20 guy, Williams is a lock in the Top 10. By snagging a guy of that caliber ...
3. The Nets Outmaneuvered the Knicks
We have to admit, it's kind of fun to root for a franchise that blatantly fucks with the Knicks. The Knicks represent the old guard and the Nets, with their move to Hipster Haven, are tyring to position themselves as the "it" alternative. Leading the way is The Big Russian putting up billboards across from MSG and vowing to take the city. The record may not be perfect but at least they're trying. Whether they truly wanted Melo or not (they did) they succeeded in driving up the price for the Knicks only to turn around 24 hours later and pay less to get a guy the Knicks would have preferred to have anyway. It's like the reverse cold war. Still, despite all the clever maneuvering ...
4. The Nets Aren't Close
As good as Williams is, and he's excellent, the Nets aren't near contending with the current roster. Sure, if they get a full year out of D-Will next year, they'll probably win 45 games and make the playoffs but the goal is to get banners and to do that, they'll need more talent. Williams will undoubtedly make everyone better. Lopez, who has underachieved this year, will benefit from much easier looks. Anthony Morrow will thrive shooting open 3's and they might even get some offensive production from Kris Humphries, Travis Outlaw and the newly acquired Brandan Wright with Williams running the show. But they'll need additional help all over if they're going to compete with Boston, Miami, Orlando, Chicago and even New York n the suddenly stacked east. If Lopez blossoms into a big, big time center that lessens the gap but the front office needs to be patient in constructing a team with staying power. They still have 3 picks in the first rounds of the next two drafts to find your reinforcements and a ton of cap room this offseason. Unfortunately for them, the 2011 draft and free agent classes are both considered weak so they need to avoid the urge to throw huge money at good players like Zach Randolph or David West who won't get them over the hump. The better move is to try to rid themselves of dump contracts like the one they gave Travis Outlaw to make room for a better 2012 class or use their cap room to facilitate a trade when the right guy becomes available. Of course, this is all easy to say now, but ...
5. He Might Not Stay
As much as we love the deal, you can't ignore the risks, particularly the very real possibility that Williams, who is signed through next year before he can opt out, wants nothing to do with Jersey/Brooklyn and leaves. The Nets can discuss an extension starting in July but with the looming CBA changes there's not telling how that will work out. Should D-Will take his talents to the L.A. or Manhattan, Derrick Favors (a guy who basketball people are highly divided about) develops into the next Dwight Howard and the draft picks net the Jazz Kyrie Erving and another starter, it could end up being a very expensive rental. We're not even mentioning the potential that Avery Johnson, a good coach who is notoriously hard on point guards, grates on him to the point he wants out. That said, there's always risk involved and ...
6. They're In Better Position Then They Were Yesterday
Guys like Williams are almost impossible to acquire. You either draft them or get lucky enough to have the right mix of assets or cap room to make a move during those rare times when they can be pried loose. They're White Rhinos. We can pretty much guarantee he wasn't coming to the Nets as a free agent, so why not take the opportunity to show him up close that you are a first-class organization (don't laugh, the Mavs were a laughingstock before Cuban), treat him right, sell him on the cache of being the absolute centerpiece of the team and leading them into Brooklyn (don't underestimate the power of him feeling "ownership" of "his" team, a la Durant) and hope that's enough to get him to sign on? It worked with Jason Kidd (and even Cliff Lee for the Phillies). Should all that fail, maybe the new CBA has additional protections to help teams keep their players (franchise tag, anyone?) If he stays they've won the lottery, if he balks, you trade him and recoup some of the assets you lost. (As we learned with Carmelo, there's always value with these guys, even when they only want to go one place). Seems entirely reasonable to us.
So today was a good day to be a Nets fan and, if things go according to plan, more could be on the way. Maybe this time, we could actually have a chance in the Finals ....
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Real Hoops - Over-Melo-Dramatic
Finally, finally, finally, finally, finally!! It. Is. Over. The on-again, off-again trade that had more unnecessary expository discussion than an episode of Grey's Anatomy ("I signed an extension today."), finally happened.
(Check out the full trade here.)
It might not have been exactly how we thought (or hoped?) is would go, but ultimately, Melo is right where he belongs, as a New York Knick. It really is a perfect match. The Knick fans and the collective media, some of whom were soo in love with guys like like Danilo Gallinari (are you really a shooter if you hit 42% of your shots?), Landry Fields and Timofey Mozgov, that they balked at trading them for a Top 15 guy, get a new player to shower with unbridled and unwarranted adulation and declare their newest savior while ignoring all of his very obvious flaws (at least until they get sick of him and trade him to Seattle for Glenn Rice and some other assorted chum). Carmelo comes to the big city, gets his wife off his back and still gets his money. They deserve each other.
Perhaps we're being a little ... persnickety. To try to quell our normal urge to destroy, let's try to look at things a tad more objectively by examining the impacts on everyone involved:
Knicks
This is a deal the Knicks had to do. Anytime you can get a Top 15-type player for a collection of role players, you have to make that deal. By moving Chandler, Gallo, Mozgov and Felton, they sent away 4 of their top 6 players. But Billups essentially cancels out whatever they lost with Felton and Melo is obviously a big upgrade over Chandler (who they would have had to renounce anyway to sign Melo in the off season). They also managed to keep Landry Fields, a natural 2 who scores without needing the ball and plays defense. He's a blender who seems like the perfect role player on a team with Melo and Amare dominating the ball.
So they're only really losing Gallinari and Mozgov. Mozgov, an undrafted 7 footer from Russia, who spent a huge portion of the season racking up DNP's seems unlikely to amount to much more than a rotation body. Gallinari, while a good player who is 22 years old with a history of back problems and averages 16 ppg, 4 rpg and a PER of 15 (league average) doesn't seem to have the makings of a superstar.
(For comparison: At 22 Melo was averaging 28 ppg (PER of 22) and Dirk (the poster boy for slow-starting foreign born superstars) was averaging 22 ppg, 9 rpg (PER 22).)
So, how is this all going to play out? Well, as we wrote a few weeks ago, Carmelo isn't a savior. He's not on the level of LeBron or Wade or Kobe. Still, he's an indisputable superstar (we're working on an "NBA Taxonomy" to sort all these labels out) and a great scorer but he's not all that efficient and he doesn't do much else. Playing with Amare in D'Antoni's system might help the former but, only a change in dedication and focus on Melo's part can change the latter. In Melo and Amare, the Knicks now have two of those types of guys and until, they decide to do all the "winning" things (rebounding, defense, fighting through screens, etc.) the Knicks are going to be an exciting team that scores a ton of points, wins 45-50 games and gets beat in the second round every year. Is it better than what they've been doing the last few years? Absolutely. Are they championship contenders? No f'n way.
At least not yet. The trick for the Knicks is what they do going forward. Role players or not, they gave up a lot of their assets to get Melo and now lack the depth and talent to make a real run. The common theory is that they're just going to get another superstar, from the presumed 2012 free agent class of Deron Williams, Chris Paul and Dwight Howard (who are incidentally all better than either Melo or Amare), and be on their way. (How'd it work last time you waited for the man on the white horse, Knicks fans? That's right, you gave $100m to a guy with bad knees.) While that's nice in theory, in practice it's going to be a great deal more difficult. With the cap likely shrinking the Knicks, with 2 guys making $20m+ on their cap (which is salaries decrease will be proportionally huge) simply won't have the cap space to make truly competitive (never mind max) offers to those guys. Maybe Paul and his bad knee might take less to come to NYC but he don't seen either D-Will or Howard forgoing bigger deals from places like L.A. Plus, after they shot their load in getting Melo, the only real asset they'd have to try to deal for one of those guys next season should they try to force their way out (and thus circumvent the cap issue) would be Chauncey's expiring contract, Fields and ...... nothing else. Either way, it's far some a done deal. If they can't get their third superstar, the Knicks will be forced to scramble to find the right kinds of role players (a center like Kendrick Perkins and a Shane Battier-type wing would be good starts) to cover up their stars' deficiencies, all without the benefit of many draft picks or cap room. Again, easier said than done, but given what they've accomplished thus far, we wouldn't put it past Walsh and his crew (if, of course, Dolan let's them do their jobs).
So you can criticize the deal on those points if you want but one criticism we think is misplaced, however, is to question why they didn't just wait until the off season to sign Melo as a free agent. Why? Money, of course. For as much as Melo wanted to go to NYC and be a Knick, he wanted just as much to sign the 3-year, $65m extension. With pending changes in the CBA (including lowering everything from the cap to player salaries) opting out could have ended up costing him upwards of $40m (when you consider the opt out next year, plus the extension, he's banking $80m+ for the next 4 years, guaranteed) and nobody, no matter how rich, walks away from that kind of money. If the Knicks waited, there's a good chance Melo signs the extension to stay in Denver or even head across the river to Jersey. That's without even mentioning the fact that minds can change in the course of several months. Even if he followed through and opted out, Melo could have been pissed the Knicks cost him that money or someone else could have made a compelling offer. With no guarantees, the deal had to be done.
Nuggets
For a team with a superstar who demanded a trade and said he'd only go one place, you'd have to say they did well. All of the players they acquired have proven they can play. Their roster is now significantly deeper than before, full of tradable assets and stocked with draft picks to supplement. They also managed to save a shit ton of money, getting under the luxury tax threshold. The new regime now has all the tools they need to remake the team in their image. All they have to do now is not screw it up. Good luck fellas.
T'Wolves
In addition to drafting copious amounts of point guards and small forward, the T'Wolves have made it their MO to take on low-risk, high-upside guys and hope that the cold of Minnesota will freeze the crazy right out of them. If they hit on 1, they've done a hell of a job. If they miss on all of them, they've lost essentially nothing in the process. It's worked to different extents with Darko and Beasley and now they'll try again with Randolph, a high ceiling shot blocker/athlete with serious make-up issues. If he starts to play he's a potential star, if he busts completely all they lost was Brewer, a guy they'd have let walk anyway. Sounds like a win to us.
The League
We've heard a ton of lamenting the past few weeks about how bad it is for the league that superstars are joining up with superstars because it's going to destroy the competitive balance of the league. That's a good point, except, when exactly has there ever been competitive balance in the NBA?
Are we really pining for the 80's when teams like the Celtics, Lakers and Sixers won titles with rosters littered with Hall-of-Famers? Or the 90's when MJ and Scottie teamed up for 6 rings and the Dream and Clyde grabbed another? Of maybe the 00's when Kobe and Shaq dominated? This is the way it's always been. For as long as we can remember there have been a hand full of really good-to-great teams, a bunch in the middle and a hand full of teams that are total crap. Parity has never existed in the NBA and it never will.
So what's the difference, now? The players are in charge, not the teams. And, for some reason, that makes people uncomfortable. We get all pissed when guys chase the money and now when they chance rings instead, they're ruining the league? That hardly seems fair. Everyone wants to be a player (we'd all play for free, right?) but when it comes to the business of sports, people send to side with the teams. Maybe it's fandom clouding our judgement (since more times then not our team isn't the place theses guys want to go - see, Nets, New Jersey) but if you played in rec league and were given the chance to team up with your best friends (who are equally as good as you) and win or stick with your work team and the old guy who doesn't pass, the fat guy who can't play more than 3 minutes at a time without needing oxygen and the dude who plays like he's never set foot on or even imagined a basketball court before, you'd leave to
So don't blame the players, just enjoy the fact that when these guys team up, they can make each other better and chances of seeing exceptional basketball only increases and the playoffs become something memorable. That sounds awesome. Even the people in Memphis don't care if the Grizzlies suck, so why should we?
(Check out the full trade here.)
It might not have been exactly how we thought (or hoped?) is would go, but ultimately, Melo is right where he belongs, as a New York Knick. It really is a perfect match. The Knick fans and the collective media, some of whom were soo in love with guys like like Danilo Gallinari (are you really a shooter if you hit 42% of your shots?), Landry Fields and Timofey Mozgov, that they balked at trading them for a Top 15 guy, get a new player to shower with unbridled and unwarranted adulation and declare their newest savior while ignoring all of his very obvious flaws (at least until they get sick of him and trade him to Seattle for Glenn Rice and some other assorted chum). Carmelo comes to the big city, gets his wife off his back and still gets his money. They deserve each other.
Perhaps we're being a little ... persnickety. To try to quell our normal urge to destroy, let's try to look at things a tad more objectively by examining the impacts on everyone involved:
Knicks
This is a deal the Knicks had to do. Anytime you can get a Top 15-type player for a collection of role players, you have to make that deal. By moving Chandler, Gallo, Mozgov and Felton, they sent away 4 of their top 6 players. But Billups essentially cancels out whatever they lost with Felton and Melo is obviously a big upgrade over Chandler (who they would have had to renounce anyway to sign Melo in the off season). They also managed to keep Landry Fields, a natural 2 who scores without needing the ball and plays defense. He's a blender who seems like the perfect role player on a team with Melo and Amare dominating the ball.
So they're only really losing Gallinari and Mozgov. Mozgov, an undrafted 7 footer from Russia, who spent a huge portion of the season racking up DNP's seems unlikely to amount to much more than a rotation body. Gallinari, while a good player who is 22 years old with a history of back problems and averages 16 ppg, 4 rpg and a PER of 15 (league average) doesn't seem to have the makings of a superstar.
(For comparison: At 22 Melo was averaging 28 ppg (PER of 22) and Dirk (the poster boy for slow-starting foreign born superstars) was averaging 22 ppg, 9 rpg (PER 22).)
So, how is this all going to play out? Well, as we wrote a few weeks ago, Carmelo isn't a savior. He's not on the level of LeBron or Wade or Kobe. Still, he's an indisputable superstar (we're working on an "NBA Taxonomy" to sort all these labels out) and a great scorer but he's not all that efficient and he doesn't do much else. Playing with Amare in D'Antoni's system might help the former but, only a change in dedication and focus on Melo's part can change the latter. In Melo and Amare, the Knicks now have two of those types of guys and until, they decide to do all the "winning" things (rebounding, defense, fighting through screens, etc.) the Knicks are going to be an exciting team that scores a ton of points, wins 45-50 games and gets beat in the second round every year. Is it better than what they've been doing the last few years? Absolutely. Are they championship contenders? No f'n way.
At least not yet. The trick for the Knicks is what they do going forward. Role players or not, they gave up a lot of their assets to get Melo and now lack the depth and talent to make a real run. The common theory is that they're just going to get another superstar, from the presumed 2012 free agent class of Deron Williams, Chris Paul and Dwight Howard (who are incidentally all better than either Melo or Amare), and be on their way. (How'd it work last time you waited for the man on the white horse, Knicks fans? That's right, you gave $100m to a guy with bad knees.) While that's nice in theory, in practice it's going to be a great deal more difficult. With the cap likely shrinking the Knicks, with 2 guys making $20m+ on their cap (which is salaries decrease will be proportionally huge) simply won't have the cap space to make truly competitive (never mind max) offers to those guys. Maybe Paul and his bad knee might take less to come to NYC but he don't seen either D-Will or Howard forgoing bigger deals from places like L.A. Plus, after they shot their load in getting Melo, the only real asset they'd have to try to deal for one of those guys next season should they try to force their way out (and thus circumvent the cap issue) would be Chauncey's expiring contract, Fields and ...... nothing else. Either way, it's far some a done deal. If they can't get their third superstar, the Knicks will be forced to scramble to find the right kinds of role players (a center like Kendrick Perkins and a Shane Battier-type wing would be good starts) to cover up their stars' deficiencies, all without the benefit of many draft picks or cap room. Again, easier said than done, but given what they've accomplished thus far, we wouldn't put it past Walsh and his crew (if, of course, Dolan let's them do their jobs).
So you can criticize the deal on those points if you want but one criticism we think is misplaced, however, is to question why they didn't just wait until the off season to sign Melo as a free agent. Why? Money, of course. For as much as Melo wanted to go to NYC and be a Knick, he wanted just as much to sign the 3-year, $65m extension. With pending changes in the CBA (including lowering everything from the cap to player salaries) opting out could have ended up costing him upwards of $40m (when you consider the opt out next year, plus the extension, he's banking $80m+ for the next 4 years, guaranteed) and nobody, no matter how rich, walks away from that kind of money. If the Knicks waited, there's a good chance Melo signs the extension to stay in Denver or even head across the river to Jersey. That's without even mentioning the fact that minds can change in the course of several months. Even if he followed through and opted out, Melo could have been pissed the Knicks cost him that money or someone else could have made a compelling offer. With no guarantees, the deal had to be done.
Nuggets
For a team with a superstar who demanded a trade and said he'd only go one place, you'd have to say they did well. All of the players they acquired have proven they can play. Their roster is now significantly deeper than before, full of tradable assets and stocked with draft picks to supplement. They also managed to save a shit ton of money, getting under the luxury tax threshold. The new regime now has all the tools they need to remake the team in their image. All they have to do now is not screw it up. Good luck fellas.
T'Wolves
In addition to drafting copious amounts of point guards and small forward, the T'Wolves have made it their MO to take on low-risk, high-upside guys and hope that the cold of Minnesota will freeze the crazy right out of them. If they hit on 1, they've done a hell of a job. If they miss on all of them, they've lost essentially nothing in the process. It's worked to different extents with Darko and Beasley and now they'll try again with Randolph, a high ceiling shot blocker/athlete with serious make-up issues. If he starts to play he's a potential star, if he busts completely all they lost was Brewer, a guy they'd have let walk anyway. Sounds like a win to us.
The League
We've heard a ton of lamenting the past few weeks about how bad it is for the league that superstars are joining up with superstars because it's going to destroy the competitive balance of the league. That's a good point, except, when exactly has there ever been competitive balance in the NBA?
Are we really pining for the 80's when teams like the Celtics, Lakers and Sixers won titles with rosters littered with Hall-of-Famers? Or the 90's when MJ and Scottie teamed up for 6 rings and the Dream and Clyde grabbed another? Of maybe the 00's when Kobe and Shaq dominated? This is the way it's always been. For as long as we can remember there have been a hand full of really good-to-great teams, a bunch in the middle and a hand full of teams that are total crap. Parity has never existed in the NBA and it never will.
So what's the difference, now? The players are in charge, not the teams. And, for some reason, that makes people uncomfortable. We get all pissed when guys chase the money and now when they chance rings instead, they're ruining the league? That hardly seems fair. Everyone wants to be a player (we'd all play for free, right?) but when it comes to the business of sports, people send to side with the teams. Maybe it's fandom clouding our judgement (since more times then not our team isn't the place theses guys want to go - see, Nets, New Jersey) but if you played in rec league and were given the chance to team up with your best friends (who are equally as good as you) and win or stick with your work team and the old guy who doesn't pass, the fat guy who can't play more than 3 minutes at a time without needing oxygen and the dude who plays like he's never set foot on or even imagined a basketball court before, you'd leave to
So don't blame the players, just enjoy the fact that when these guys team up, they can make each other better and chances of seeing exceptional basketball only increases and the playoffs become something memorable. That sounds awesome. Even the people in Memphis don't care if the Grizzlies suck, so why should we?
Friday, February 18, 2011
Rick Reilly's Kid is a Loser, Just Ask Rick Reilly
There was a time when Rick Reilly used to write cool, interesting articles for the back page of SI. There was also a time when milk cost $.05 and people drank all day at work. Now, Milk costs $2.99, people think we have a problem and Reilly, well, he writes stuff like this article comparing his poor kid's shitty, postgrad life to that of Kevin Durant's.
It's hard to imagine there have been many times in the young master Reilly's life when he wished his dad wasn't a sportswriter, but the day he read this had to be one of them. We can only hope that he got an advanced copy of the column, with a nice handwritten note from his padre.
NBA PR flacks keep telling me that Oklahoma City Thunder superstar Kevin Durant is "just like any 22-year-old kid." They say he does not have a torrid affair going with his wallet or his mirror or his league-stomping 29 points per game. "Perfectly normal," they insist ... So I called their bluff. I met Durant in Chicago, and I brought along a perfectly normal 23-year-old kid -- my son, Jake.
Buckle up ladies and gentlemen, Riles is about to expose the hypocrisy of the NBA PR machine (he should leave that to the professionals like us). Shit is about to get CRAZY!! Let's just hope he put the right postage on his column.
Wages: Kevin makes an average of $17 million a year playing for the Thunder, plus $8.5 million a year from Nike.
Jake, a student at Chicago Portfolio School, makes about $5,400 a year as a part-time barista. That's $8.95 an hour, or about $103,649 an hour less than Kevin. Then again, Kevin doesn't get tips.
"Why couldn't you be a famous basketball player, Jake!?!? Then I could stop pumping out these garbage columns for an hour a week and go play golf full time!!"
Home: Kevin rents a seven-bedroom, 10,000-square-foot mansion in Oklahoma City with its own theater.
Jake rents half of a 450-square-foot apartment. His bedroom has no closet, so he keeps his clothes on two chairs at the foot of his bed. It's above a stitch-'em-up medical center. "It's open 24/7," Jake says, "for round-the-clock stabbing convenience."
Family: Kevin's father left him when he was 8 months old and returned 12 years later..
Jake's dad, Rick, signed a 5-year $10m contract with ESPN in 2007. Rick now makes his son sling lattes for $9 an hour, plus tips of course.
Advantage: Kevin.
On second thought, maybe this column is really about how much of a shitty father Rick Reilly is. Seriously, Rick? Your son lives in a place that has a 24-hour clinic for "stabbing convenience?" Can't help the poor kid out?
Cars: Kevin owns a sweet conversion van with TVs, an Xbox, and a pull-out bed. He also has a $128,000 Mercedes S63 AMG and a Maybach, whose price he won't discuss, though Diddy just bought his 16-year-old son one for $360,000.
Jake takes the bus or walks between home, his job and portfolio school. It's 20 minutes between all three. It forms a kind of ragged isosceles triangle, as does the hole in his right shoe.
That's it, we're calling DYFUS.
Kevin wants to win an Olympic ring, a mess of NBA rings and more NBA scoring titles. … Jake is trying to beat the high score on the Ms. Pac-Man in the laundromat down the street. "I'm seventh right now, but the thing's been plugged in since the '60s, so …"
.... maybe you need a girlfriend ... or therapy and some welbutrin."
Shopping: Kevin goes into Nordstrom "about every two weeks" and spends between $500 and $600. As we speak, he's wearing a beautiful high-collared cashmere white number.
Jake refuses much help from his fretting parents and is bent on making it mostly on his own, so he shops at Goodwill sometimes. "It's sad when you're in there in October and realize you're the only one not shopping for Halloween costumes."
Is this like ant intervention in print? Admit you need help Jake, please!!
Recent moment of glory: Kevin was just named the Western Conference Player of the Week after scalding New Orleans with 43 points, and he will start for the West in the All-Star Game on Feb. 19 in L.A. Jake just shimmied out on the ledge of his apartment building in a snowstorm, at 3 a.m., to unplug the stitch-'em-up medical center's huge neon sign outside his bedroom window. He did it with a deconstructed coat hanger and his roommate holding him by the pants legs. He had to. The sign was so bright he couldn't sleep. "Really?" Kevin says, awestruck. "Man, that sounds like a movie!"
Yes, in fact it's going to be Keanu Reeves' comeback movie. "The Sign": Summer 2011. Soundtrack by Ace of Base.
Annoyances: Kevin gets calls every day from people asking for something. "Shoes, clothes, tickets, money," he says. "A thousand here, $500 here, $25,000 there. I don't mind [giving it] if it's friends who're struggling. But people just think money grows on trees. My mom used to say that when I was a kid. Now I know what she meant."
Jake: "I know, right? Seems like my landlord is asking me for money every single month."
Woah, Jake with the witty retort. Kevin didn't get it.
Favorite restaurants : For both, it's the Wendy's 99-cent menu, but only Jake is lucky enough to eat it nearly every day.
Also, Jake will have a heart attack by 25.
Bad habits: Kevin has already sent more than 15,000 tweets in his young life. Jake has already lost more than 15,000 cell phones in his young life.
Ungrateful little bastard.
College degree: Kevin left Texas after one year but is trying to get his degree, as he promised his mom. "At the rate I'm going, it's going to take 13 more summers," he says. "I don't think I'd get it if she wasn't on me to do it." Jake earned his in four years from Wisconsin.
"Of course, we tried to tell him to apply to a good school like Northwestern. But, no. He wanted to go to a place where he could have fun. I think we can all see where that got him. If only he had listened to his father."
Future employment: Kevin wants to start his own record label. This would make him the 11,373rd NBA player with one. Jake hopes to be an ad copywriter at a major Chicago advertising firm by next January.
Jake, of course, will be unemployed.
Embarrassing fathers: Kevin says his dad, a federal police officer at the Library of Congress in D.C., still thinks he's 20 years old. "He wears the same clothes I wear. It's kinda crazy." Jake points an accusing finger at me. "I caught him in an Ed Hardy shirt the other day. That's not good. That's not good at all." They look at each other and nod solemnly.
It's nice to know these two kids from different walks of life can agree on something - Rick Reilly is a douche.
It's hard to imagine there have been many times in the young master Reilly's life when he wished his dad wasn't a sportswriter, but the day he read this had to be one of them. We can only hope that he got an advanced copy of the column, with a nice handwritten note from his padre.
Dearest Jake,
I wanted to drop you a note and let you know just how disappointed I am in you, son. Even though I'm a world famous writer, sometimes I can't find the right words to express my displeasure with just how little you've accomplished in your life. I hope this article comparing your rudderless existence to that of an impossibly rich and famous basketball star, helps you to understand my pain.
Love - Dad
P.S. Your Mom says hi.
NBA PR flacks keep telling me that Oklahoma City Thunder superstar Kevin Durant is "just like any 22-year-old kid." They say he does not have a torrid affair going with his wallet or his mirror or his league-stomping 29 points per game. "Perfectly normal," they insist ... So I called their bluff. I met Durant in Chicago, and I brought along a perfectly normal 23-year-old kid -- my son, Jake.
Buckle up ladies and gentlemen, Riles is about to expose the hypocrisy of the NBA PR machine (he should leave that to the professionals like us). Shit is about to get CRAZY!! Let's just hope he put the right postage on his column.
Wages: Kevin makes an average of $17 million a year playing for the Thunder, plus $8.5 million a year from Nike.
Jake, a student at Chicago Portfolio School, makes about $5,400 a year as a part-time barista. That's $8.95 an hour, or about $103,649 an hour less than Kevin. Then again, Kevin doesn't get tips.
"Why couldn't you be a famous basketball player, Jake!?!? Then I could stop pumping out these garbage columns for an hour a week and go play golf full time!!"
Home: Kevin rents a seven-bedroom, 10,000-square-foot mansion in Oklahoma City with its own theater.
Jake rents half of a 450-square-foot apartment. His bedroom has no closet, so he keeps his clothes on two chairs at the foot of his bed. It's above a stitch-'em-up medical center. "It's open 24/7," Jake says, "for round-the-clock stabbing convenience."
Family: Kevin's father left him when he was 8 months old and returned 12 years later..
Jake's dad, Rick, signed a 5-year $10m contract with ESPN in 2007. Rick now makes his son sling lattes for $9 an hour, plus tips of course.
Advantage: Kevin.
On second thought, maybe this column is really about how much of a shitty father Rick Reilly is. Seriously, Rick? Your son lives in a place that has a 24-hour clinic for "stabbing convenience?" Can't help the poor kid out?
Cars: Kevin owns a sweet conversion van with TVs, an Xbox, and a pull-out bed. He also has a $128,000 Mercedes S63 AMG and a Maybach, whose price he won't discuss, though Diddy just bought his 16-year-old son one for $360,000.
Jake takes the bus or walks between home, his job and portfolio school. It's 20 minutes between all three. It forms a kind of ragged isosceles triangle, as does the hole in his right shoe.
That's it, we're calling DYFUS.
Kevin wants to win an Olympic ring, a mess of NBA rings and more NBA scoring titles. … Jake is trying to beat the high score on the Ms. Pac-Man in the laundromat down the street. "I'm seventh right now, but the thing's been plugged in since the '60s, so …"
.... maybe you need a girlfriend ... or therapy and some welbutrin."
Shopping: Kevin goes into Nordstrom "about every two weeks" and spends between $500 and $600. As we speak, he's wearing a beautiful high-collared cashmere white number.
Jake refuses much help from his fretting parents and is bent on making it mostly on his own, so he shops at Goodwill sometimes. "It's sad when you're in there in October and realize you're the only one not shopping for Halloween costumes."
Is this like ant intervention in print? Admit you need help Jake, please!!
Recent moment of glory: Kevin was just named the Western Conference Player of the Week after scalding New Orleans with 43 points, and he will start for the West in the All-Star Game on Feb. 19 in L.A. Jake just shimmied out on the ledge of his apartment building in a snowstorm, at 3 a.m., to unplug the stitch-'em-up medical center's huge neon sign outside his bedroom window. He did it with a deconstructed coat hanger and his roommate holding him by the pants legs. He had to. The sign was so bright he couldn't sleep. "Really?" Kevin says, awestruck. "Man, that sounds like a movie!"
Yes, in fact it's going to be Keanu Reeves' comeback movie. "The Sign": Summer 2011. Soundtrack by Ace of Base.
Annoyances: Kevin gets calls every day from people asking for something. "Shoes, clothes, tickets, money," he says. "A thousand here, $500 here, $25,000 there. I don't mind [giving it] if it's friends who're struggling. But people just think money grows on trees. My mom used to say that when I was a kid. Now I know what she meant."
Jake: "I know, right? Seems like my landlord is asking me for money every single month."
Woah, Jake with the witty retort. Kevin didn't get it.
Favorite restaurants : For both, it's the Wendy's 99-cent menu, but only Jake is lucky enough to eat it nearly every day.
Also, Jake will have a heart attack by 25.
Bad habits: Kevin has already sent more than 15,000 tweets in his young life. Jake has already lost more than 15,000 cell phones in his young life.
Ungrateful little bastard.
College degree: Kevin left Texas after one year but is trying to get his degree, as he promised his mom. "At the rate I'm going, it's going to take 13 more summers," he says. "I don't think I'd get it if she wasn't on me to do it." Jake earned his in four years from Wisconsin.
"Of course, we tried to tell him to apply to a good school like Northwestern. But, no. He wanted to go to a place where he could have fun. I think we can all see where that got him. If only he had listened to his father."
Future employment: Kevin wants to start his own record label. This would make him the 11,373rd NBA player with one. Jake hopes to be an ad copywriter at a major Chicago advertising firm by next January.
Jake, of course, will be unemployed.
Embarrassing fathers: Kevin says his dad, a federal police officer at the Library of Congress in D.C., still thinks he's 20 years old. "He wears the same clothes I wear. It's kinda crazy." Jake points an accusing finger at me. "I caught him in an Ed Hardy shirt the other day. That's not good. That's not good at all." They look at each other and nod solemnly.
It's nice to know these two kids from different walks of life can agree on something - Rick Reilly is a douche.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
The Project Gets Preachy - On Beer Commercials and Valentine's Day
As you may have guessed from our humble writings we are of the masculine persuasion. And as a practicing man, we feel it's our duty to speak out against beer commercials - Bud Light specifically. (We know, we know, this is about to get very controversial, but hear us out.) It's not that they're simply devoid of humor, it's that they insist on making guys look like complete buffoons.
Whether it's the "Bud v. Regular Light Beer" commercials where the saucy bartenders make fun of the guys in dragon clothes, sunglasses, and skinny jeans (sorry, but last time we checked you were a bartender and your job was to serve drinks, not insults. How bout you get a degree and then you're allowed to be a gigantic asshole like the rest of us professionals.) or the worst offenders of all - the "Here We Go" campaign. Take this one for example, evidently called "Close Encounters of Another Kind":
After they shot this did they imagine a bunch of dudes are sitting around a dorm at some overpriced private university (don't waste your money go to community college, kids) laughing their asses off?
[uncontrollable laughter]
Imaginary Guy #1: Bro, I would totally bang that alien chick, bro. I don't even care if she's got antlers, bro.
Imaginary Guy #2: Totally bro. Big time, bro. Oh and if her and her friends had some Bud Lights, bro, I'd totally take a probe in the ass, bro.
IG#1: Yeah, bro, that sounds like it might feel good too.
[silence]
IG #1: I mean, let's get drunk tonight and forget I eva said that. K, bro?
IG #2: Nice. What kinda beers you wanna get, bro.
IG #1: Dunno. Whateva's cheapest.
With the exception of the last part, that conversation never ever happens. And it never happens regarding a house made of beer cans. Or a book club. Or a bungee jumper. And if it did, everyone involved should immediately die in a mud slide, entombed for all eternity with only their own stupidity.
We know plenty of people who love beer (and not in the "I'm an alcoholic sense") and we sincerely doubt they'd volunteer for alien reproductive experiments (everyone saw the "V" commercials during "Lost" even if no one watches the actual show) and we know if they came home after a house remodel and the only thing changed was a bucket of beer in the kitchen - they'd be pissed that they didn't get their granite counter tops. We really don't think guys like this actually exist.
But if so, why is this crap so prevalent? It's not just beer commercials, modern sitcoms do it as well. They make any straight guy either a crazy/lecherous bachelor or a married guy who can't figure out how to tie his own shoes. (We've been both a bachelor and married and were neither lecherous or in need of Velcro shoes.) It's not about how the portraying men as beer obsessed losers is bad for society or the children or some shit like that. It's just weird that so much mass produced comedy would hit the same note over and over again. It's kind of insulting.
What does this all have to do with Valentine's Day (VD if you've got the itch to shorten it)? Well, that's the day we realized we were completely wrong about the whole thing. These people do exist, kind of. As part of the intro to a sports talk show, were were listening to, the hosts were discussing the merits of VD and said something along the lines of "Well, today's Valentine's day, guys, the day to do the right thing for your lady, otherwise you'll get in trouble." It wasn't said ironically or humorously, they were totally serious. As we sat their wondering whether we had given people too much credit we realized that's not how they truly felt but rather what they thought their audience wanted to hear. They were talking like a real guy is supposed to talk.
It's not like it's some simple "cause and effect" thing between the idiocy portrayed on tv and the way guys think they're supposed to act. It's probably more of a reflection but you have all this mass media catering to a group of people who are all, collectively pretending to exist. And the worst part of it all? We do the same damn thing. In fact, we did it last week, talking about being so bummed out because Valentine's Day would interfere with Monday night basketball. Of course, we were lying through our goddamn teeth because on some absurd, almost subconscious, level we thought that was what we were supposed to say. Like we'd get more respect for wanting to play basketball on Valentine's Day then being a good husband. Sure the beer commercials take it to an absurd length but the principal still applies. So, what's the solution, the point of all this blabber?
How bout we all just cut the fuckin shit? Let's admit we celebrate Valentine's Day because it's a nice excuse to spend time with our wives and (gasp!) because they love them. We don't do it to stay out of trouble, we do it cause it's fun. While we're at it, let's make it a point point to remember that there's no way a guy is "supposed" to act and just be real. If you like beer, drink it. But if you prefer a frozen cocktail, drink that. It tastes good, if your friends deny it they're lying sacks of shit. If you hate your girlfriend, move along. If you love her, don't be ashamed to say your taking her out to her favorite place for dinner. You're not whipped, you're honest.
Maybe then the beer commercials will start reflecting a more diverse, nuanced vision of what guys really and we can stop being so goddamn annoyed watching tv. And, honestly, that's really what it's all about.
Until next time, we sincerely hope you enjoyed your VD.
Whether it's the "Bud v. Regular Light Beer" commercials where the saucy bartenders make fun of the guys in dragon clothes, sunglasses, and skinny jeans (sorry, but last time we checked you were a bartender and your job was to serve drinks, not insults. How bout you get a degree and then you're allowed to be a gigantic asshole like the rest of us professionals.) or the worst offenders of all - the "Here We Go" campaign. Take this one for example, evidently called "Close Encounters of Another Kind":
After they shot this did they imagine a bunch of dudes are sitting around a dorm at some overpriced private university (don't waste your money go to community college, kids) laughing their asses off?
[uncontrollable laughter]
Imaginary Guy #1: Bro, I would totally bang that alien chick, bro. I don't even care if she's got antlers, bro.
Imaginary Guy #2: Totally bro. Big time, bro. Oh and if her and her friends had some Bud Lights, bro, I'd totally take a probe in the ass, bro.
IG#1: Yeah, bro, that sounds like it might feel good too.
[silence]
IG #1: I mean, let's get drunk tonight and forget I eva said that. K, bro?
IG #2: Nice. What kinda beers you wanna get, bro.
IG #1: Dunno. Whateva's cheapest.
With the exception of the last part, that conversation never ever happens. And it never happens regarding a house made of beer cans. Or a book club. Or a bungee jumper. And if it did, everyone involved should immediately die in a mud slide, entombed for all eternity with only their own stupidity.
We know plenty of people who love beer (and not in the "I'm an alcoholic sense") and we sincerely doubt they'd volunteer for alien reproductive experiments (everyone saw the "V" commercials during "Lost" even if no one watches the actual show) and we know if they came home after a house remodel and the only thing changed was a bucket of beer in the kitchen - they'd be pissed that they didn't get their granite counter tops. We really don't think guys like this actually exist.
But if so, why is this crap so prevalent? It's not just beer commercials, modern sitcoms do it as well. They make any straight guy either a crazy/lecherous bachelor or a married guy who can't figure out how to tie his own shoes. (We've been both a bachelor and married and were neither lecherous or in need of Velcro shoes.) It's not about how the portraying men as beer obsessed losers is bad for society or the children or some shit like that. It's just weird that so much mass produced comedy would hit the same note over and over again. It's kind of insulting.
What does this all have to do with Valentine's Day (VD if you've got the itch to shorten it)? Well, that's the day we realized we were completely wrong about the whole thing. These people do exist, kind of. As part of the intro to a sports talk show, were were listening to, the hosts were discussing the merits of VD and said something along the lines of "Well, today's Valentine's day, guys, the day to do the right thing for your lady, otherwise you'll get in trouble." It wasn't said ironically or humorously, they were totally serious. As we sat their wondering whether we had given people too much credit we realized that's not how they truly felt but rather what they thought their audience wanted to hear. They were talking like a real guy is supposed to talk.
It's not like it's some simple "cause and effect" thing between the idiocy portrayed on tv and the way guys think they're supposed to act. It's probably more of a reflection but you have all this mass media catering to a group of people who are all, collectively pretending to exist. And the worst part of it all? We do the same damn thing. In fact, we did it last week, talking about being so bummed out because Valentine's Day would interfere with Monday night basketball. Of course, we were lying through our goddamn teeth because on some absurd, almost subconscious, level we thought that was what we were supposed to say. Like we'd get more respect for wanting to play basketball on Valentine's Day then being a good husband. Sure the beer commercials take it to an absurd length but the principal still applies. So, what's the solution, the point of all this blabber?
How bout we all just cut the fuckin shit? Let's admit we celebrate Valentine's Day because it's a nice excuse to spend time with our wives and (gasp!) because they love them. We don't do it to stay out of trouble, we do it cause it's fun. While we're at it, let's make it a point point to remember that there's no way a guy is "supposed" to act and just be real. If you like beer, drink it. But if you prefer a frozen cocktail, drink that. It tastes good, if your friends deny it they're lying sacks of shit. If you hate your girlfriend, move along. If you love her, don't be ashamed to say your taking her out to her favorite place for dinner. You're not whipped, you're honest.
Maybe then the beer commercials will start reflecting a more diverse, nuanced vision of what guys really and we can stop being so goddamn annoyed watching tv. And, honestly, that's really what it's all about.
Until next time, we sincerely hope you enjoyed your VD.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Hey Grammy's: (The Word Otherwise Known as Forget) You!!
Yeah, that's right. We watched the Grammy's. In our defense, it was (mostly) The Mrs.' idea and (mostly) via the DVR and (mostly) just to see the performances. (Is that lie the exact opposite of saying you only read nudie magazines for the articles?)
On the off-chance that you had something better to do on Sunday or Monday night and missed the excitement, just look at some of the cultural touchstone moments you missed:
1. Christina Aguilera continuing her "Denial" tour.
2. Lady GaGa's remake of Madonna's "Express Yourself." Plus, her tay-ta's, of course.
3. The return of Dr. Dre. Apparently the Rap Game hasn't implemented a performance enhancing drug program quite yet.
4. Way too much Rihanna.
5. A chance to finally figure out exactly what a "Bruno Mars" is. Judging by the look and the name, we've concluded he's a real-life cartoon character.
6. Babs Streisand looking confused (we ffwd through the actual performance).
7. Mick Jagger looking like anything but the elderly man he is. Though, his ever expanding head is threatening to get him into the next round of NBA commercials (we see him dunking on then taunting Ringo).
8. Nicole Kidman repeatedly getting down to everything, including singing along to "Teenage Dream", noticing the camera and immediately stopping. As bad as singing along to Katy Perry is, we'd respect her much more had she just owned up to her love of terrible, terrible music that sounds like it's written by a barely literate 12-year old. It's not like anyone is making the decision to stay away from her movies because of her musical tastes. They stay away because the movies suck. Sing it Nicole!!
9. The aforementioned Katy Perry's wedding video. Nobody even likes their own wedding videos and your doesn't even involve a drunk uncle dancing.
10. Diddy's wearing either braces or a new device that replicates what he'd sound like without a tongue.
10. Us having a seizure during The Arcade Fire's first song.
12. The most depressing "People Who Died" montage ever. Not because it was sad but because nobody good died this year. What a huge letdown.
13. And, of course, John Mayer dressed like Johnny Depp from "The Tourist." We're eagerly anticipating the "People" cover with rumors of Mayer's hook-up with Keith Urban after they're sultry performance of Dolly Parton's "Jolene".
What you didn't miss were the weird duets that had become Grammy's wheelhouse. We go nothing on the buzz-level of the Eminem/Elton John "Stan" performance or even on the weirdness-scale of Linkin Park, Jay-Z & Paul McCartney (we kinda wish it has been Diddy instead of Jay-Z just so we could have had Sir Paul singing yesterday with "Bad Boy", "Can't Stop" and other Diddyisms whispered underneath). No, instead of some memorably good duet - we got this:
Why? Seriously, why did they do that? The degree of difficulty in ruining a performance of maybe the most clever and original song of the year, done by a someone who really can sing (as opposed to the eminently hateable Katy Perry) with the added spectacle of Cee Lo's take on Elton John's "Crocodile Rock" performance on the "Muppet Show." So, how do you do it?
(Besides, of course, using "forget" or calling it "The song otherwise known as 'Forget You'" instead of bleeping out the curse or using F*CK. Particulalrly when, by our count, 17 combined bitches/asses and at least one N-bomb slid through during Dre and Eminem's performance.)
Surprisingly, all you need to do to pull off such a feat is have Gweneth Paltrow sing 3/4 of the song. Again, why exactly would they do that? Because they did a cute SNL sketch together? Or maybe because she was on "Glee" (can we please all stop with that crap already)? Or is it because she's in an abominable movie called "Country Strong" (previewed during "True Grit" - way to know your audience.) where she plays, as you might have guessed, a country singer who needs to be and subsequently becomes "strong." Clearly Apple's mom fancies herself a bit of a singer and in the world of mere mortals she's not bad but on what planet does stunt casting trump true artistic performance during a show that supposedly celebrates music?
So, thanks for ruining it for us Grammy's. Fuck you.
Are we totally off on this one? Did the rest of the civilized world love this thing?
FYR - Here's the Elton John video:
On the off-chance that you had something better to do on Sunday or Monday night and missed the excitement, just look at some of the cultural touchstone moments you missed:
1. Christina Aguilera continuing her "Denial" tour.
2. Lady GaGa's remake of Madonna's "Express Yourself." Plus, her tay-ta's, of course.
3. The return of Dr. Dre. Apparently the Rap Game hasn't implemented a performance enhancing drug program quite yet.
4. Way too much Rihanna.
5. A chance to finally figure out exactly what a "Bruno Mars" is. Judging by the look and the name, we've concluded he's a real-life cartoon character.
6. Babs Streisand looking confused (we ffwd through the actual performance).
7. Mick Jagger looking like anything but the elderly man he is. Though, his ever expanding head is threatening to get him into the next round of NBA commercials (we see him dunking on then taunting Ringo).
8. Nicole Kidman repeatedly getting down to everything, including singing along to "Teenage Dream", noticing the camera and immediately stopping. As bad as singing along to Katy Perry is, we'd respect her much more had she just owned up to her love of terrible, terrible music that sounds like it's written by a barely literate 12-year old. It's not like anyone is making the decision to stay away from her movies because of her musical tastes. They stay away because the movies suck. Sing it Nicole!!
9. The aforementioned Katy Perry's wedding video. Nobody even likes their own wedding videos and your doesn't even involve a drunk uncle dancing.
10. Diddy's wearing either braces or a new device that replicates what he'd sound like without a tongue.
10. Us having a seizure during The Arcade Fire's first song.
12. The most depressing "People Who Died" montage ever. Not because it was sad but because nobody good died this year. What a huge letdown.
13. And, of course, John Mayer dressed like Johnny Depp from "The Tourist." We're eagerly anticipating the "People" cover with rumors of Mayer's hook-up with Keith Urban after they're sultry performance of Dolly Parton's "Jolene".
What you didn't miss were the weird duets that had become Grammy's wheelhouse. We go nothing on the buzz-level of the Eminem/Elton John "Stan" performance or even on the weirdness-scale of Linkin Park, Jay-Z & Paul McCartney (we kinda wish it has been Diddy instead of Jay-Z just so we could have had Sir Paul singing yesterday with "Bad Boy", "Can't Stop" and other Diddyisms whispered underneath). No, instead of some memorably good duet - we got this:
Why? Seriously, why did they do that? The degree of difficulty in ruining a performance of maybe the most clever and original song of the year, done by a someone who really can sing (as opposed to the eminently hateable Katy Perry) with the added spectacle of Cee Lo's take on Elton John's "Crocodile Rock" performance on the "Muppet Show." So, how do you do it?
(Besides, of course, using "forget" or calling it "The song otherwise known as 'Forget You'" instead of bleeping out the curse or using F*CK. Particulalrly when, by our count, 17 combined bitches/asses and at least one N-bomb slid through during Dre and Eminem's performance.)
Surprisingly, all you need to do to pull off such a feat is have Gweneth Paltrow sing 3/4 of the song. Again, why exactly would they do that? Because they did a cute SNL sketch together? Or maybe because she was on "Glee" (can we please all stop with that crap already)? Or is it because she's in an abominable movie called "Country Strong" (previewed during "True Grit" - way to know your audience.) where she plays, as you might have guessed, a country singer who needs to be and subsequently becomes "strong." Clearly Apple's mom fancies herself a bit of a singer and in the world of mere mortals she's not bad but on what planet does stunt casting trump true artistic performance during a show that supposedly celebrates music?
So, thanks for ruining it for us Grammy's. Fuck you.
Are we totally off on this one? Did the rest of the civilized world love this thing?
FYR - Here's the Elton John video:
Friday, February 11, 2011
Real Football - Which Team Has the Worst Quarterbacks Ever?
There is nothing on the damn radio. Ever. Sure we've got the new Ipod which is incredibly cool but you have to pace yourself with a thing like that since you can only hear even your most favoritists of songs so many times. So, due to the whole radio sucking thing, we're pretty much forced to listen to ESPN radio and their flagship morning show - Mike and Mike.
The more we listen, the more we HATE Mike and Mike or as it's more commonly known "4 Hours of Overproduced, Uncreative Drivel." They rarely make a point beyond the most obvious of things and the "He's a slobby football player" - "He's a metrosexual" (we all know what that's code for) shtick is so goddamn old at this point. Maybe someday we'll draft up a 5,000 screed on their uselessness, but for now, we digress.
Much to our suprise, when cringing through another segment on Monday, we actually heard a conversation that sparked our imagination. In the wake of Aaron Rodgers ascension, the Mikes were discussing which franchises in the modern era (after 1960) could boast the best 3 quarterbacks. The consensus they reached was that the competition came down to the Packers (Bart Starr, The Dongslinger and Rodgers), the 49ers (Joe Montana, Steve Young and Y.A. Tittle - though they could have gone with Jeff Garcia, who was better then ol' Y.A. during his San Fran career) and the Colts (Johnny Unitas, Peyton Manning and Bert Jones). We don't recall them coming to a definitive conclusion but we'd probably lean towards the Colts since they have 2 of the Top 5ish QBs of All-Time plus Jones, a little known guy to our generation who won an MVP in 1976. That's tough to beat.
But what actually intrigued us more was the throw-away suggestion that if you wanted to me "mean" they could come up with the list of the teams with the worst quarterbacks of all-time. Well, that sounds like a job for the Project. We just hope we don't hurt Vinny Testaverde's feelings.
So, who has the Worst Best 3? We came up with 3 contenders - 2 are the usual suspects and 1 was a big big surprise. We tried to stick with the most important guys from each team, generally from their top 5 all-time passers. We also looked for guys who started 45 or more games (or about 3 seasons) because if you entrust your team to a guy for that many games, you deserve what you get.
The Usual Suspects
Tampa Bay Bucaneers
Vinny Testaverde (87-92) - Franchise All-Time Passing Leader - Record: 24-48 - 52% completion - TD/INT: 77/122 - QB Rate: 64.4. Notable Accomplishments (or unaccomlisments as the case may be): 35 INTs in 1988 (lead league 2x) - Top 10 in times sacked every year in Tampa Bay - Never more TDs than INTs - Better after Tampa.
Trent Dilfer (94-99) - Franchise 2nd All-Time Passing Leader - Record: 38-38 - 54% completion - TD/INT: 70/80 - QB Rate: 69.4. Notable Accomplishments (or unaccomlisments as the case may be): 1 Pro-Bowl - .500+ QB Record (2x) - 21 TDs (2x) - Super Bowl winner with Ravens.
Brad Johnson (87-92) - Franchise 4th All-Time Passing Leader - Record: 26-23 - 61% completion - TD/INT: 64/41 - QB Rate: 83.2 (highest eligible for team). Notable Accomplishments (or unsaccomlisments as the case may be): 1 Pro Bowl (22 TDs/6 INTs) - Super Bowl Winner.
Honorable Mention: Doug Williams (78-82) - 3rd All-Time Passing Leader - 33-33 - 47% - 73-73 - 66.2 - 9-7 season - more TDs than INTs (2x) - Super Bowl MVP with Redskins.
Detroit Lions
Scott Mitchell (94-98) - Franchise 2nd All-Time Passing Leader - Record: 27-30 - 56.7% completion - TD/INT: 79/57 - QB Rate: 79.2. Notable Accomplishments (or unaccomlisments as the case may be): Playoffs (2x) - 1995: 10-6, 32 TDs, 12 INTs, QB Rate: 92.3 - Top 10 TDs (3x), Top 10 QB Rate (2x).
Greg Landry (68-78) - Franchise 3rd All-Time Passing Leader - Record: 40-41 - 54.8% completion - TD/INT: 80/81 - QB Rate: 73.4. Notable Accomplishments (or unaccomlisments as the case may be): 1 Pro Bowl - Comeback Player of the Year - Top 10 Passing Yards/TDs (3x) - .500+ QB Record (2x).
Gary Danielson (77-84) - Franchise 4th All-Time Passing Leader - Record: 23-28 - 56.5% completion - TD/INT: 69/71 - QB Rate: 74.4. Notable Accomplishments (or unaccomlisments as the case may be): Top 10 TDs (1x) - Top 10 QB Rating (3x) - .500+ QB Record (2x) - More TDs than INTs (3x).
Omits Bobby Layne (played entire career before 1960 - All-Time Leading Passer - HOF - 1st Team All-Pro (2x) - Pro Bowl (6x).)
The Surprise
Chicago Bears
Jim Harbaugh (87-93) - Franchise 2nd All-Time Passing Leader - Record: 35-30 - 58.2% completion - TD/INT: 50/56 - QB Rate: 74.2. Notable Accomplishments (or unaccomlisments as the case may be): 10 wins (2x) - 35 INTs in 1988 (lead league 2x) - Top 10 Passing Yards/TDs/Rating (1x).
Jim McMahon (82-88) - Franchise 3rd All-Time Passing Leader - Record: 46-15 - 57.8% completion - TD/INT: 67/56 - QB Rate: 80.4. Notable Accomplishments (or unaccomlisments as the case may be): 1 Pro Bowl - Super Bowl - Started 10+ games only 2x - .500+ QB Record (6x) - Top 10 Raring (2x).
Billy Wade (61-66) - Franchise 5th All-Time Passing Leader - Record: 27-20 - 54% completion - TD/INT: 68/60 - QB Rate: 73.6. Notable Accomplishments (or unaccomlisments as the case may be): 1 Pro Bowl - .500+ QB record (3x) - Top 10 Passing Yards (3x), TDs/Rating (4x) - Lead League in Passer Rating (1x).
Omits Sid Luckman (Played from 39-50 - Franchise All-Time Passing Leader - HOF - 1st Team All-Pro (5x) - Pro Bowl (3x)
Who's Worst?
It's a tight race but we give the edge to the Lions in the awful derby.
The Bears QBs numbers are uninspiring but for the most the guys won a lot of games. Sure, they had excellent defenses carrying them but QB is the most important position on the field so winning has to count for something. It just amazed us that a team with as much history and mystique as Chicago could have such consistently mediocre to bad quarterback play. Good thing their current guy makes Chuck Norris look like a puss.
Tampa's quarterbacks, particularly Testaverde, actually might have worst numbers of the 3 teams, but we gave them credit for having success away from Tampa. Vinny was much more productive with both Baltimore and the Jets and Dilfer won a Super Bowl. Have to chalk some of their struggles up to the Tampa Bay stink. Add in Johnson winning a Super Bowl and they slide by.
Detroit's history, on the other hand, is just littered with unaccomlishment. If Scott Mitchell is the best QB in your modern era - your team really really sucks. It's also worth noting some of the other terrible guys who they trotted out under center who didn't make the cut - Joey Harrington, Andre Ware, Rodney Peete, Jon Kitna, Charlie Batch and on and on. The Lions are the '27 Yankees of bad QBing.
So congratulations, Detroit. You suck worst of all.
What do you guys think? Agree or Disagree? Want to throw a franchise under the bus? Let us know.
The more we listen, the more we HATE Mike and Mike or as it's more commonly known "4 Hours of Overproduced, Uncreative Drivel." They rarely make a point beyond the most obvious of things and the "He's a slobby football player" - "He's a metrosexual" (we all know what that's code for) shtick is so goddamn old at this point. Maybe someday we'll draft up a 5,000 screed on their uselessness, but for now, we digress.
Much to our suprise, when cringing through another segment on Monday, we actually heard a conversation that sparked our imagination. In the wake of Aaron Rodgers ascension, the Mikes were discussing which franchises in the modern era (after 1960) could boast the best 3 quarterbacks. The consensus they reached was that the competition came down to the Packers (Bart Starr, The Dongslinger and Rodgers), the 49ers (Joe Montana, Steve Young and Y.A. Tittle - though they could have gone with Jeff Garcia, who was better then ol' Y.A. during his San Fran career) and the Colts (Johnny Unitas, Peyton Manning and Bert Jones). We don't recall them coming to a definitive conclusion but we'd probably lean towards the Colts since they have 2 of the Top 5ish QBs of All-Time plus Jones, a little known guy to our generation who won an MVP in 1976. That's tough to beat.
But what actually intrigued us more was the throw-away suggestion that if you wanted to me "mean" they could come up with the list of the teams with the worst quarterbacks of all-time. Well, that sounds like a job for the Project. We just hope we don't hurt Vinny Testaverde's feelings.
So, who has the Worst Best 3? We came up with 3 contenders - 2 are the usual suspects and 1 was a big big surprise. We tried to stick with the most important guys from each team, generally from their top 5 all-time passers. We also looked for guys who started 45 or more games (or about 3 seasons) because if you entrust your team to a guy for that many games, you deserve what you get.
The Usual Suspects
Tampa Bay Bucaneers
Vinny Testaverde (87-92) - Franchise All-Time Passing Leader - Record: 24-48 - 52% completion - TD/INT: 77/122 - QB Rate: 64.4. Notable Accomplishments (or unaccomlisments as the case may be): 35 INTs in 1988 (lead league 2x) - Top 10 in times sacked every year in Tampa Bay - Never more TDs than INTs - Better after Tampa.
Trent Dilfer (94-99) - Franchise 2nd All-Time Passing Leader - Record: 38-38 - 54% completion - TD/INT: 70/80 - QB Rate: 69.4. Notable Accomplishments (or unaccomlisments as the case may be): 1 Pro-Bowl - .500+ QB Record (2x) - 21 TDs (2x) - Super Bowl winner with Ravens.
Brad Johnson (87-92) - Franchise 4th All-Time Passing Leader - Record: 26-23 - 61% completion - TD/INT: 64/41 - QB Rate: 83.2 (highest eligible for team). Notable Accomplishments (or unsaccomlisments as the case may be): 1 Pro Bowl (22 TDs/6 INTs) - Super Bowl Winner.
Honorable Mention: Doug Williams (78-82) - 3rd All-Time Passing Leader - 33-33 - 47% - 73-73 - 66.2 - 9-7 season - more TDs than INTs (2x) - Super Bowl MVP with Redskins.
Detroit Lions
Scott Mitchell (94-98) - Franchise 2nd All-Time Passing Leader - Record: 27-30 - 56.7% completion - TD/INT: 79/57 - QB Rate: 79.2. Notable Accomplishments (or unaccomlisments as the case may be): Playoffs (2x) - 1995: 10-6, 32 TDs, 12 INTs, QB Rate: 92.3 - Top 10 TDs (3x), Top 10 QB Rate (2x).
Greg Landry (68-78) - Franchise 3rd All-Time Passing Leader - Record: 40-41 - 54.8% completion - TD/INT: 80/81 - QB Rate: 73.4. Notable Accomplishments (or unaccomlisments as the case may be): 1 Pro Bowl - Comeback Player of the Year - Top 10 Passing Yards/TDs (3x) - .500+ QB Record (2x).
Gary Danielson (77-84) - Franchise 4th All-Time Passing Leader - Record: 23-28 - 56.5% completion - TD/INT: 69/71 - QB Rate: 74.4. Notable Accomplishments (or unaccomlisments as the case may be): Top 10 TDs (1x) - Top 10 QB Rating (3x) - .500+ QB Record (2x) - More TDs than INTs (3x).
Omits Bobby Layne (played entire career before 1960 - All-Time Leading Passer - HOF - 1st Team All-Pro (2x) - Pro Bowl (6x).)
The Surprise
Chicago Bears
Jim Harbaugh (87-93) - Franchise 2nd All-Time Passing Leader - Record: 35-30 - 58.2% completion - TD/INT: 50/56 - QB Rate: 74.2. Notable Accomplishments (or unaccomlisments as the case may be): 10 wins (2x) - 35 INTs in 1988 (lead league 2x) - Top 10 Passing Yards/TDs/Rating (1x).
Jim McMahon (82-88) - Franchise 3rd All-Time Passing Leader - Record: 46-15 - 57.8% completion - TD/INT: 67/56 - QB Rate: 80.4. Notable Accomplishments (or unaccomlisments as the case may be): 1 Pro Bowl - Super Bowl - Started 10+ games only 2x - .500+ QB Record (6x) - Top 10 Raring (2x).
Billy Wade (61-66) - Franchise 5th All-Time Passing Leader - Record: 27-20 - 54% completion - TD/INT: 68/60 - QB Rate: 73.6. Notable Accomplishments (or unaccomlisments as the case may be): 1 Pro Bowl - .500+ QB record (3x) - Top 10 Passing Yards (3x), TDs/Rating (4x) - Lead League in Passer Rating (1x).
Omits Sid Luckman (Played from 39-50 - Franchise All-Time Passing Leader - HOF - 1st Team All-Pro (5x) - Pro Bowl (3x)
Who's Worst?
It's a tight race but we give the edge to the Lions in the awful derby.
The Bears QBs numbers are uninspiring but for the most the guys won a lot of games. Sure, they had excellent defenses carrying them but QB is the most important position on the field so winning has to count for something. It just amazed us that a team with as much history and mystique as Chicago could have such consistently mediocre to bad quarterback play. Good thing their current guy makes Chuck Norris look like a puss.
Tampa's quarterbacks, particularly Testaverde, actually might have worst numbers of the 3 teams, but we gave them credit for having success away from Tampa. Vinny was much more productive with both Baltimore and the Jets and Dilfer won a Super Bowl. Have to chalk some of their struggles up to the Tampa Bay stink. Add in Johnson winning a Super Bowl and they slide by.
Detroit's history, on the other hand, is just littered with unaccomlishment. If Scott Mitchell is the best QB in your modern era - your team really really sucks. It's also worth noting some of the other terrible guys who they trotted out under center who didn't make the cut - Joey Harrington, Andre Ware, Rodney Peete, Jon Kitna, Charlie Batch and on and on. The Lions are the '27 Yankees of bad QBing.
So congratulations, Detroit. You suck worst of all.
What do you guys think? Agree or Disagree? Want to throw a franchise under the bus? Let us know.
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