Hey Grammy's: (The Word Otherwise Known as Forget) You!!

Yeah, that's right. We watched the Grammy's.  In our defense, it was (mostly) The Mrs.' idea and (mostly) via the DVR and (mostly) just to see the performances.  (Is that lie the exact opposite of saying you only read nudie magazines for the articles?) 

On the off-chance that you had something better to do on Sunday or Monday night and missed the excitement, just look at some of the cultural touchstone moments you missed:

1.  Christina Aguilera continuing her "Denial" tour.

2.  Lady GaGa's remake of Madonna's "Express Yourself."  Plus, her tay-ta's, of course.

3.  The return of Dr. Dre.  Apparently the Rap Game hasn't implemented a performance enhancing drug program quite yet.

4.  Way too much Rihanna. 

5.  A chance to finally figure out exactly what a "Bruno Mars" is.  Judging by the look and the name, we've concluded he's a real-life cartoon character. 

6.  Babs Streisand looking confused (we ffwd through the actual performance).

7.  Mick Jagger looking like anything but the elderly man he is.  Though, his ever expanding head is threatening to get him into the next round of NBA commercials (we see him dunking on then taunting Ringo).

8.  Nicole Kidman repeatedly getting down to everything, including singing along to "Teenage Dream", noticing the camera and immediately stopping.  As bad as singing along to Katy Perry is, we'd respect her much more had she just owned up to her love of terrible, terrible music that sounds like it's written by a barely literate 12-year old.  It's not like anyone is making the decision to stay away from her movies because of her musical tastes.  They stay away because the movies suck.  Sing it Nicole!!

9.  The aforementioned Katy Perry's wedding video.  Nobody even likes their own wedding videos and your doesn't even involve a drunk uncle dancing. 

10.  Diddy's wearing either braces or a new device that replicates what he'd sound like without a tongue. 

10.  Us having a seizure during The Arcade Fire's first song.

12.  The most depressing "People Who Died" montage ever.  Not because it was sad but because nobody good died this year.  What a huge letdown.

13.  And, of course, John Mayer dressed like Johnny Depp from "The Tourist."  We're eagerly anticipating the "People" cover with rumors of Mayer's hook-up with Keith Urban after they're sultry performance of Dolly Parton's "Jolene". 

What you didn't miss were the weird duets that had become Grammy's wheelhouse.  We go nothing on the buzz-level of the Eminem/Elton John "Stan" performance or even on the weirdness-scale of Linkin Park, Jay-Z & Paul McCartney (we kinda wish it has been Diddy instead of Jay-Z just so we could have had Sir Paul singing yesterday with "Bad Boy", "Can't Stop" and other Diddyisms whispered underneath).  No, instead of some memorably good duet - we got this:



Why?  Seriously, why did they do that?  The degree of difficulty in ruining a performance of maybe the most clever and original song of the year, done by a someone who really can sing (as opposed to the eminently hateable Katy Perry) with the added spectacle of Cee Lo's take on Elton John's "Crocodile Rock" performance on the "Muppet Show."  So, how do you do it?

(Besides, of course, using "forget" or calling it "The song otherwise known as 'Forget You'" instead of bleeping out the curse or using F*CK.  Particulalrly when, by our count, 17 combined bitches/asses and at least one N-bomb  slid through during Dre and Eminem's performance.)

Surprisingly, all you need to do to pull off such a feat is have Gweneth Paltrow sing 3/4 of the song.  Again, why exactly would they do that?  Because they did a cute SNL sketch together?  Or maybe because she was on "Glee" (can we please all stop with that crap already)?   Or is it because she's in an abominable movie called "Country Strong" (previewed during "True Grit" - way to know your audience.) where she plays, as you might have guessed, a country singer who needs to be and subsequently becomes "strong."  Clearly Apple's mom fancies herself a bit of a singer and in the world of mere mortals she's not bad but on what planet does stunt casting trump true artistic performance during a show that supposedly celebrates music?

So, thanks for ruining it for us Grammy's.  Fuck you. 

Are we totally off on this one?  Did the rest of the civilized world love this thing?

FYR - Here's the Elton John video: