Real Football - A Giant Legacy?

When you write or, in our case, pretend to write about sports, you feel compelled to predict games.  But there's no upside in it.  If you're right, nobody cares.  If you're wrong, you suck and still nobody cares.  It only gets worse when the pick involved your favorite team.  

(The worst, however, is when you root for your picks instead of being a fan.  That's how you end up rooting for the Saints when you know the Giants have no chance if the road ahead goes through the Super Dome.  Like a bell and an angel, every time you root for a pick, a little part of your sports soul dies.  Speaking of dying souls, how does Gregg Williams have Malcolm Jenkins in press/trail coverage on Vernon Davis when his team is up 3 with less than 2 minutes to play against a team on their own 33 and desperate for a big play?)

Like last week when picked Green Bay.  It's not like we didn't think they had a chance.  In fact, we thought they had a great chance, but we just couldn't commit.  Maybe it just seemed too easy.  Everyone loved the underdog.  Loved the pass rush, the match-ups.  And the hot streak.  They were the 2007 Redux.  No, they were the 2010 Packers (Rodgers 2010: 65% completions, 3,922 yards, 28/11 TD/INT.  Eli 2011: 61% completions, 4,933 yards, 29/16 TD/INT.  Just saying.)  Everyone seemed to forget that this was the Giants.  A team with a habit of wilting in the face of high expectations.  With fans that endured the Fassel era of alternating terrible seasons with winning seasons (against last place schedules) and various Coughlin-lead letdowns.  The ups and downs of this season made us question whether we'd become bipolar.  Check out our diary entries from some of the more important games this season:

10/9/11:  Why wouldn't they lose to the Seahawks?  When they miss the playoffs and Tom is selling magazines at a rest stop, he'll look back at this loss as the reason.  Also, this Cruz guy stinks!! He'll never make enough plays for us to get over the loss of Steve Smith.

11/6/11:  Holy shit, they beat the Pats!! 6-3!!! Suck it Larry Legend!!  THE GIANTS ARE THE GREATEST TEAM IN THE HISTORY OF PROFESSIONAL ATHLETICS!!  No chance they don't win the division now, they'll probably even get the two-seed after we beat San Fran and then [redacted as repetitious.  12 pages]  We feel so energized!!  The house is already spotless.  Maybe we should bake some pies.

12/4/11:  4 losses in a row.  How is that even possible?  Who cares it they "almost" beat the Pack.  This isn't 2007.  The Pack is just too good, they'll roll to a repeat.  So sad.  Can't believe we ate all those pies.

12/11/11:  JPP!!!  Only thing left to do is take care of business.  Bet we could totally do 1,000 push-ups.

12/18/11:  Rex.  Grossman.  We hope our tears don't stain the page.  Only Dashboard knows how we feel. Still sore from those push-ups last week.

12/24/11:  They're not booing, they're saying CRUUUUUUUUUUUZE!!!  Wouldn't trade this guy for anyone.  Calvin, who?  J-E-T-S Suck, Suck, Suck!!  That's why it's called GIANTS stadium.

1/8/12:  24-2.  WTF?  Is the defense really going to play this well?  Or is Matt Ryan just that big of a playoff choker?  Is this really happening again or is there a stinker lurking?

So maybe we picked Green Bay to manage our own expectations, as a mode of self-preservation to avoid getting hurt.  After a roller-coaster of a season could anyone blame us.  But, today, we're happy to say that we are officially in.  Maybe we're late to the party but, whatever.  Our heart is theirs to fill or burst.  To be ark or bury.  Or wear as jewelry.  Whichever they prefer.

It seems that football has moved away with the old paradigms like "defense wins championships" or "home field advantage."  But, instead of the playoffs being a validation of the passing-centric version of the game we saw during the regular season, its reminded us that, evidence continues to accumulate to support the "Hot Team Theory."  The bulk of the regular season no longer matters, overall records are shit.  Home field is for losers.  The only thing that matters now if which team is playing the best when it counts - on both sides of the ball.  Since 2005, for as many times as the best regular season team won the Super Bowl ('09 Saints) there were more that just got hot at the right time ('05 Steelers, 07 Giants, '10 Packers).  And right now, the Giants look like that kind of team.

By itself that's great.  But what's even more exciting is that this version of the Giants is now playing for a legacy, a chance to build a bridge back to the Parcells' years, the "Golden Age of Giants Football."  It's fitting that to establish that connection, they'll need to navigate some pretty significant touchstones of Giant playoff history.

From 1985 to 1990, the Giants were one of the NFL's most dominant teams, wining two Super Bowls in five seasons.  While the 1986 team was dominant (a 14-2 record, a ridiculous defense and a destruction of the Broncos in the Super Bowl) its the 1990 team that feels more special.  Lead by the slow but effective running of (the non-murderous) O.J. Anderson (from whom we inexplicably have a signed football), a lesser version of LT and Jeff Hostetlar, a back-up quarterback who despite the win, really wasn't that good, it was a team that seemed to triumph more on toughness and coaching, than sheer talent.

Everyone remembers the Super Bowl victory, including the legendary ball-control game plan that helped slow-down the previously unstoppable K-Gun (and launch the head-coaching career of Bill Belichick), the epic first down catch were Mark Ingram broke five tackles to gain 14 yards and, of course, "wide-right."  But that epic run started at Candlestick Park. The site of one of our earliest football memories.

We were at our parents' old, rented house, the bi-level with the sandy front lawn and the 70's style brown carpeting still going strong in 1991, in the dining room, trying to watch the game while maintaining some sense of respect for the dinner in front of us (it might have been our sister's birthday). But our sense of decorum left abruptly when Matt Bahr sailed his 5th field goal though the uprights sending both New York back to the Super Bowl (with a little help from a hit by Leonard Marshall that ended Joe Montana's 49er  career) and us running around the room screaming until we got yelled at.  Two weeks later, we'd do it all again, this time thanks to a missed field goal.  It was the first time, we can remember being that excited by a sporting event since then, we've been hooked on the G-Men.  So, now as the Giants go back to San Fran, we're feeling like a kid again.  Hoping for a chance to run around the house screaming.

(San Fran is also the site of the worst Giants loss we can remember, the time they blew a 24-point lead to Jeff Garcia and T.O. and ended the game with a bunch of fat guys falling all over themselves like last call at the OCB.  It was a loss so bad that we ended up yelling at our brother for no good reason.  But we won't get into that one today.  Or ever.  Hopefully.)

There are parallels to 1990 are plentiful.  The NFC Title Game is a rematch of a game in which the Giants came up short.  Both teams are trying to get back to the Super Bowl after three somewhat disappointing seasons.  They both feature a quarterback is playing the best football of his career.  And a coach trying to cement his legacy.  And there are certainly more if you dig a little deeper.  

All it takes is two more wins.  Two more wins and they get a chance to avenge the humiliation of 2000 or validate the upset of the Patriots in 2007.  Two more wins and Coughlin's resume starts to look a lot like a Hall of Famer (especially when you consider what he did with an expansion-era Jacksonville team).  Two more wins and Eli passes Peyton and starts to look Canon-worthy himself (only Jim Plunkett has two rings and isn't in the Hall of Fame but his wins came after taking over mid-season for an injured starter).  Two more wins and they become a team we'll talk about decades from now.

They have a chance to be special.  Here's hoping they take advantage.

Real Football- How the Tebow Saga Will End and Lists of Things About Stuff

1.  Story of the Year:  Timothy Jesus Tebow.


With all due respect to the stealer season by the Packers, this is the year of Tebow.  Almost-undefeated teams come around every few years, but a guy like Tebow only comes around every 2,012 years or so.  By demonstrating can you play quarterback in the NFL without most of the skills previously considered mandatory (timing, accuracy, ability to read coverage, trigger pulling), Tebow has become the most interesting thing about sports.  Not just football but sports in general.  His games have become must-see T.V., like "Wings."

He's also captivated the audience by proving its eminently possible to simultaneously loved and hated by everyone.  On the field, he's everything we want as fans - he plays hard, it clutch and is completely devoted to winning above all else.  If all the players on all our favorite teams played like that, we'd be thrilled.  Off the field, despite appearing nice, humble and a great teammate, as soon as he starts praise to his lord and savior, many of us our out.  But that polarizing effect is what makes him the most interesting thing in a league that, for as much as we're all obsessed, can be a little bit ... boring.  The big question is, how will the Passion of the Tebow, end?

After going through mounds of research (read: wikipedia) and racking our brain (read: thinking about it for five minutes), we believe we've finally figured it out.

(Pats, Ravens and Saints fans might want to turn away now.)

It's February 5, 2012.  With five seconds left on the clock and the Saints leading 28-23, the Broncos have the ball at the Saints' 15 with Tebow in the shotgun ready to receive the snap.  After defeating New England with a furious 21-point fourth quarter comeback (finishing with 316 yards passing and four touchdowns) and the Ravens in overtime (another 316 yards passing and 3 touchdowns) in a loss that made Ray Lewis weep, the outcome seems almost inevitable.  It's Super Bowl Sunday and the whole world is watching.

Literally.  Tebowmania has swept the globe.  Warring troops have laid down their weapons to watch together.  China has unblocked access to its citizens.  Americans have taken in the homeless so they won't miss it.  The French have put on deodorant.  The world is a better place, all because of Tebow.

The ball in snapped.  Tebow surveys the field for what seems like a second before scrambling left.  As he scrambles, receivers come open all over the field.  But Tebow doesn't pull the trigger.  It's the last play of the Super Bowl, and nobody runs the ball but him.  After being chased to the sideline, Tebow wheels back to the left as Eric Decker pleads for the ball and cuts up field for ten yards.  At the five, three Saint defenders converge but Tebow will not be denied.  He lowers his shoulder and blasts through, sneaking the ball across the goal line with not time on the clock.  The score is 29-28 and the Broncos are Super Bowl Champions.

With another 316 yards passing, Tebow is named MVP and chosen for the Disney commercial.

"Hey Tim, you just won the Super Bowl, what are you going to do now?"

"I'm going to ... heaven."

And at the moment a chorus of angels is heard (weirdly singing covers of early Boyz II Men songs) and the earth starts to shake.  A massive hole to hell opens at the 50-yard line, emitting the screams of millions of damned souls.  Tebow is enveloped by a bright white light and begins to levitate (though it could just be a magic trick, no one is quite sure).

"Finally, I have returned" he says.  Sarcastic people everywhere begin to freak as they realize they've been making fun of the real messiah all these years.  Natural disasters sweep the globe - earthquakes, floods, volcanoes, Demi Lovato.  The Four Horsemen (the classic line-up with Arn and Ole Anderson, Tully Blanchard and Ric Flair, none of that Barry Windham or Sid Vicious shit) are heralded by the sounds of "Whoooo!!" an begin smiting haters with knife-edge chops and DDTs.

The scene is more of the same at Lucas Oil Stadium.  Tebow offers his doubters a chance to repent.  Many do but others continue to doubt his ability to throw a spiral.  Their souls stripped from their bodies and cast (in a slightly wobbly manner) into hell.  The Saints fans are offered the chance to denounce Drew Brees as a false prophet but refuse.  The eternal question of "Who Dat" is finally answered with an emphatic "Tebow."

Finally, Tebow must defeat his greatest enemy, the Antichrist, Merril Hodge who has commandeered the Jumbotron in an attempt to show everyone how Tebow missed open receivers and didn't throw in rhythm on the game winning run.  Hodge's tie knot becomes the head of a serpent and he attacks Tebow who crushes the snake and embarrasses his enemy into submission by asking him to read "The Cat in the Hat."

Having vanquished the non-believers, Tebow ascends for a full off-season training program (run by Vince Lombardi) while anointing Skip Bayless as his spokesperson and "right-hand man" on Earth.  Amazingly, this actually results in less talk of Tebow on ESPN as, despite being the spokesperson of the lord, people still can't stand Skip Bayless.

When Tebow returns to lead the Broncos in defense of their title, earth is overcome peace and happiness.  At least until the Broncos lose seven straight to fall to 3-10 with everyone calling for Brady Quinn.  The complete and utter loss of faith leads to Armageddon and the world ends on 12/12/12.  Just like the Mayans predicted.  Such is the life of the modern day messiah.


2.  2011 Superlatives


Most Valuable Player (Real):  Aaron Rodgers.  While Brees made it interesting at the end but over the entire season, Mr. Discount-Doublecheck was simply too fantastic to ignore.

Most Valuable Player (Fantasy):  Drew Brees.  Brees finished second to Rodgers in total points for the season but his fantasy playoff averages (352 yards, 4 TDs) were enough to win a bunch of people a very small amounts of money.

Least Valuable Player (Real):  Chad Ochocinco.  The Pats needed a deep threat so they acquired a player who, in his prime averaged 88/1339 and seemed to still have something left.  He delivered 3 starts, 15 catches and 276 yards.

Least Valuable Player (Fantasy): Chris Johnson.  The final numbers were respectable (1000 yards rushing/400 yards receiving) but his 46 yard average for the first 8 weeks as a Top 3 pick was enough to ruin many a f'n day.

Most Likely to Never Succeed Again: Rob Gronkowski.  We could see him getting 90 catches again.  Or even 1,300 yards.  But 17 touchdowns?  Not a chance.

Most Likely to Be a Cult Leader if Football Didn't Exist:  Ray Lewis.  And we'd be mixing the Flavor Aid.

Suckiest Injury:  Jamaal Charles.  The league needs guys who can average 6 yards a carry and electrify a game.  Unfortunately, an ACL injury means we may never see him do it again.

Most Disappointing Team:  Philadelphia Eagles.  The 8-8 record isn't enough to explain how badly they flopped.  Luckily for non-Eagle fans, it was enough for Andy Reid to keep his job.

Worst Player:  DeSean Jackson.  After a campaign in which his catches (58) were fair outnumbered by his sulks (infinite), nobody did less with more than D-Jax.  He'll likely get paid by someone and be awesome next year but until then - Ha. Ha.

Worst Team:  Indianapolis Colts.  Yuck.

The Half-Season Award:  Marshawn Lynch.  First 8 weeks:  398 yards, 4 TDs, 1 100 yard game.  Last 8 weeks:  806 yards, 9 TDs, 5 100 yard games.  Many broken hearts on both sides.

3.  Posthumous Memorial Awards:

Shaun Alexander Memorial Cliff Award:  Reggie Wayne.  Yeah, we know, Peyton was hurt.  But what we didn't know was that his injury stripped every Colt player of the ability to play football.  His final numbers don't look awful - 75 catches for 960 yards - but Wayne was a bum, plummeting off a cliff.  We'll see if Luck can what Cam did for Steve Smith, but we're dubious.

Fred Taylor's Groin Award For Most Predictable Injury:  Mike Vick.  Another disappointing, injury riddled season as The Dogkiller battled hand and rib injuries and a general sense of malaise.  Still, we'll all get sucked in again next year looking at the per game numbers and wonder what could happen if he stayed healthy.  But he doesn't.  Ever.

Lamont Jodan/Steve Slaton Award:  Peyton Hillis.  As much as we all kind of saw this coming, it was hard to completely ignore Hillis' stellar 2010 season (1100 yards rushing, 500 yards receiving, 13 touchdowns) so we all drafted him with tempered expectations (at worst he's a good 2nd RB, right?).  And yet he managed to fall well below even the most modest of hopes with 587 yards and 3 touchdowns.  Thanks for nothing, jerk.  

The Edgerrin James I Hope You Don't Think This Mid-Career Blip Means I'm Done Award:  Chris Johnson.  Edge came out of nowhere to finish first and second in fantasy point his first two years in the league but the next two seasons would see him fall off dramatically (32nd and 24th).  After that little blip, he bounced back to finish in the Top 10 3 of the next 4 years.  Don't get too low on CJ just yet.

The Brandon Lloyd (Formerly the:  "Please Don't Be Braylon Edwards Award"):  Victor Cruz.  In one season, he went from nowhere to 1,500 yards and a reputation as one of the best big-play guys in the league.  It happens.  But it often doesn't sustain.  Here's hoping Cruz isn't Flock of Seagulls.

The T.O. Award For Backing-up your Talk:  Eli Manning.  He was right.  

4.  The Reminder Why We Hate Fantasy Football Award:  Laurent Robinson.  Two years ago, he was supposed to be a breakout/sleeper for the Rams.  Then he got hurt and cut and wandered into Dallas as a back-up on a team with Miles Austin and Dez Bryant.  11 touchdowns later he scored the 15th most fantasy points at his position.  Fuck him.

5.  Five Guys Who Are Better At Being Reggie Bush Then Reggie Bush


After we finally declared one of our favorite college players of all-time and "Man-Crush All Star Team" member dead, Bush decided it was time to finally show some of what we all thought he had when we all got pissed at the Texans for passing on him with the #1 pick - 4 straight games over 100 yards, including a monster 200 yard effort, and his first 1,000 yard season with a 5.0 average on 216 carries.

It took him awhile to prove he was an "every-down" back (to the extent he proved it this year is debatable) and with all the changes happening in Miami he'll have to do it all over again next season.  So this could all the a fluke and when we talk about Reggie's career 10 years from now (which will most likely involve us talking to ourself) it could be "that one year he was good" or "don't forget what he did when he finally got the carries."  Time will tell.  But like when a soon-to-be ex does something nice right before a relationship ends, we were reminded why we loved him so much once, if only for a fleeting moment.

Still, there's one thing that always bothered us about Bush's career.  People want to say he doesn't succeed because he's too small but that's total bullshit.  Reggie's problem has always been his inability/lack of desire to run inside.  In college, he could take a pitch or handoff, run around a little bit and eventually, because of his extreme physical gifts, take it to the house.  But that doesn't work in the NFL (unless, of course, you're Barry Sanders) and Reggie never changed his mentality.  He always tried to force the big run.

To prove our point, we made a list of similarly sized guys who've done a better job go being Reggie Bush than he has.  For the record, Bush is listed at 6', 203.

Maurice Jones-Drew (5'7", 208):  Three 1,300+ yard seasons.  Lead the league in rushing in 2011 on putrid Jacksonville team with no quarterback.

Ray Rice (5'8", 212):  Three 1,200+ yard/60+ catch seasons.  From Rutgers.

LeSean McCoy (5'11", 208):  1,300 yards on a team that refuses to run the ball. Might be the best running back in football and is certainly the most exciting.  Also, jump cuts.

Chris Johnson (5'11", 191): One  2,000 yard season which is 2/3 of Bush's career total.

Darren Sproles (5'6", 190):  Lead league in all-purpose yards playing the "Reggie Bush" position in New Orleans.

6.  Top 10 Quarterbacks for 2012


If, as ESPN told us, 2011 was "The Year of the Quarterback" (as opposed to every other year which is also the year of the quarterback) then what is this year going to be?  Our guess is it will be "The Year of the Quarterback: Part Deux."  With that in mind, here are our Top 10 Quarterbacks for the 2012 Season:

1.  Aaron Rodgers:  Simply the best at his position right now.

2.  Drew Brees:  1c.

3.  Tom Brady:  Yeah, he's still going to be good.  Too bad they won't ever win another Super Bowl until they fix the defense.

4.  Peyton Manning:  He'll have to prove to us he's not healthy before we bump him down any further.

5.  Eli Manning:  He's the top of the next tier.  2012 showed he was finally able to carry over his early-season/4th quarter heroics into December.

6.  Ben Roethlisberger:  Hate him, but when healthy, Large Benjamin's ability to expend plays is unparalleled.

7.  Phillip Rivers:  Hate him more.  We'd love to see what he does outside the QB-friendly Norv Turner scheme.  Will enjoy missing the playoffs again next season. Pissyface.

8.  Matthew Stafford:  Could pass both Rivers and Ben if he can continue to stay healthy.  Benefits immensely from Megatron.

9.  Cam Newton:  Needs to cut down on turnovers but, as we said during the draft, he could be the next step in the evolution of the quarterback position.  9 could be way too low.

10.  Tony Romo:  Is it too early to put Luck in the Top 10.

7.  Winners.


Finally, our predictions for this week:

Saints over 49ers.  We'd love to take San Fran here but Alex Smith simply isn't good enough and their defense isn't at the 2000 Ravens level.  The Saints run game will be the difference.

Ravens over Texans.  Flacco gets the nod over Yates and won't implode until next week.

Patriots over Broncos.  Tom Brady saves the world.

Packers over Giants.  It seems like everybody loves the underdog this week and while we'd love to jump on the bandwagon, the Packers scare the shit out of us.  There are reasons they Giants could win.
They're exactly where they are supposed to be with the Saints and 49ers regular season records, even if they won 11 regular season games they'd still be traveling to Lambeau.  So they're playing with house money at this point and should be loose.  Plus, they match-up fairly well - you know the drill, the D-line can get pressure, the offense can score with them.  The Packers could be rusty and have gone through an emotional week with the death of their Offensive Coordinator's son's death.  You've heard it all.  So there are plenty of reasons they could win but one why they won't - The Packers are a great, great team.

They were 15-1 and scored 200 more points than they gave up.  They have the best quarterback in football playing his best and has his line and weapons are all in tact.  Their defense causes turnovers and has one great pass-rusher.  They're the defending Super Bowl Champions.  And they're playing at home.  The Giants will make it a game but ultimately, the Packers will simply be too much.  It may looks like 2007, walk like 2007 and quack like 2007.  But it's not 2007.

Unless, of course, it is ....

Demi Lovato + People's Choice Awards = Train Wreck

If only she had given our ears a break instead.

College Football - Wishing We Hadn't Watched the Sugar Bowl and Dreaming of Something Better

We wish we hadn't watched the Sugar Bowl.  And it has absolutely nothing to do with what happened on the field, an ugly overtime mess.  We wish we had completely ignored it and watched the NCIS with LL Cool J.  Or the utterly forgettable Unforgettable (Spoiler Alert:  She doesn't forget shit).  Or the season premier of "Hey Look at These Fat People."  Or the series premier of "Bosom Buddies Without Tom Hanks and the Other Guy Who Isn't Tom Hanks and Now Does Sad Erectile Dysfunction Commercials" (Spoiler Alert:  It sucks.)  Or even Glee.  We wish we had watched Glee.

We didn't go to Michigan or Virginia Tech, so we didn't have to watch.  Then we could have sat here and boasted that we didn't allow ourselves to be taken advantage of and manipulated, through the mere act of turning on the game, into the supporting lie that is the BCS; the charade that the system is designed to reward the most deserving teams with spots in the coveted showcase bowls.  That we protested our dissatisfaction by refusing to watch a game that featured two of the top programs of the past 25 years because it was such a blatant cash grab.

Because when the BCS games were announced we swore we wouldn't watch this one.  Sure, we were annoyed at the LSU-Alabama rematch.  But it's for the title, we have to no choice but to ignore the fact that Alabama had its chance and choked while other one-loss teams (Oklahoma State, Stanford and our choice Boise State) didn't.  The system worked the way it was supposed to and gave us the two best teams (or at least who we assume are the two best teams).  It's the other bowls that are about deserving.

That's why the Sugar Bowl was supposed to be our breaking point.  When the bowl organizers passed over at least five more deserving teams (including four of the BCS Top 10) by reaching all the way down to 11 (VT) and 13 (Michigan) to choose a match-up more suited for this year's Gator Bowl, we were done.  It was simply inexcusable that Arkansas (only losses to LSU and Alabama), South Carolina (2 losses in the SEC), Kansas State (losses to Top 10 ranked Oklahoma and Oklahoma State) are playing elsewhere this week and Boise (a field goal away from playing LSU) was stuck demolishing a .500 team in Vegas before Christmas.  People, we, were supposed to protest.  But we didn't.  We watched it.  Because it was football and it was on.  But we didn't.  We watched it because it was football and it was on.  And because its the Sugar Bowl and we're supposed to be interested.  We let ourself and everyone else down.

But that didn't keep us from hating the BCS.  It's irretrievably broken.  But since we like to be constructive with our criticism, we have a solution.

The Persnickety Playoff

The Principles

We've discussed our playoff ideas generally before as part of our college football realignment plan.  That was fantasy but in reality, the principles are the same.  To actually work, any solution has to be built on the following:

1.  Change as little as possible, there's too much money tradition at stake.

2.  Respect the conferences.

3.  Maintain the bowl system.

4.  Don't extend the regular season (too much).

5.  Involve enough teams to make it meaningful.

6.  Make money.

If your idea can fulfill six principles, not only can it work, but it's also worthwhile.  There are plenty of ideas that work, like the dopey "Plus One" idea, but aren't worth the trouble. (How do you have a National Championship game and then decide to maybe play another game?)  And there are probably even more that are worthwhile but would never get past the idea stage.  Like a monster 16-team playoff that would require a complete restructuring of the bowl system.  Our idea?  We think it can be both.

The Basics

At its core, it's a simple 8-team playoff.  Eight is the perfect number.  It's enough to accommodate the BCS conferences by giving automatic bids to their champions (with one caveat we'll explain later) while still providing room for the two best remaining teams.  It involves enough teams to both include the deserving and and sufficiently undercut the complaints of the "first team out."  (Is anyone going to have a lot of sympathy for the seventh to ninth best team?  And if they do, hasn't the BCS proven that controversy isn't the worst thing in the world?)  Even with all those benefits, it still only takes three rounds to find a champion which means the season isn't much longer and, with only a few minor modifications, can keep the current BCS system in tact.

The Logistics

It takes 7 games to complete an 8-team playoff.  That means you need seven different bowl games.  With the existing four BCS bowls (Orange, Sugar, Fiesta and Rose) already locked in that leaves room to add three new bowls to the national championship mix.  (That's math, people!!)  But, we're going to do it a little differently.

Just like now, the BCS Championship will be rotated between the four majors only now the games will be staggered.  Each year one will host the final, two the semis and, to appease the big bowls and persuade them to give up some of their substantial piece of the pie, the remaining bowl will get two of the first round games.  

Doing it this way means adding only two bowls and keeping the balance of power with the original four.  To further keep down them down and as a penance for not being the Sugar, Orange, Fiesta or Rose Bowls, the new bowls will only host first round games.  With all the money and exposure they stand to gain, we doubt they'll complain.

FBS get the reward of a school-funded trip to some random city that costs the school more than it makes.  And the sanctity of college football is saved.

NKOTB

One of the newly added bowls has to be the Cotton.  It's the second longest-running non-BCS Bowl (since 1936, two years after the Sun Bowl) and has the not-unsubstantial benefit of playing in the new Cowboy Stadium.  As for the second bowl, whichever of the other quasi-major bowls has a sponsor that's willing to pony-up the required payout (starting at something like $18m) wins.  The Capital One, Outback, Pinstripe, whatever.  It doesn't matter.  

The Schedule

It will take three weeks to play this thing through.  But, since the current BCS season now extends over approximately two weeks anyway, that means adding one additional game to the commitment for our precious student athletes.  Hopefully they'll still find time to study.  

The first round will start on New Year's Day.  The first three games will be played at 3, 5 and 8.  The fourth game (the second game at one site) will be played the next day.  We're aiming for overlapping games to provide more excitement and fan-friendly start times to help grow a generation of young college football lovers.  The semis are played the week of the current BCS Title Game (on Monday and Tuesday to avoid NFL Wild Card Weekend) with the final played one week later (on a Tuesday night to accommodate our basketball schedule).  All games are broadcast on the network that pays the highest rights fee.  Preferably ESPN since, despite its flaws, they do it better than anyone else.  Fox is shit. 

In case you like charts, here's how the rotation would look for one four-year period.

By way of illustration:

Year 1:

First Round:  Orange (2), Cotton, Whatever

Semi-Finals:  Fiesta, Sugar

Title:  Rose

Year 2:

First Round:  Rose (2) Cotton, Whatever

Semi-Finals:  Orange, Fiesta

Title:  Sugar

Year 3:

First Round:  Sugar (2) Cotton, Whatever

Semi-Finals:  Rose, Orange

Title:  Fiesta

Year 4:

First Round:  Fiesta (2) Cotton, Whatever

Semi-Finals:  Sugar, Rose

Title:  Orange

The Money

Each game gives its participants their customary payout (right now its $18m but figures to grow once the crazy money starts rolling in).  Teams that win get multiple payouts as they advance through each round.  Adding the additional two games to the mix brings another almost $40m to the table for the conferences to use (hopefully) to subsidize their there non-revenue sports or more likely build new stadiums and pay their coaches crazy salaries.

The Bowls get their cut of the T.V. revenue plus whatever they make from sponsorships, ticket sales and beer.  It figures to be highly lucrative.  

The Participants

Ideally, the best 8 teams in the country get in.  However, to keep them invested, each of the BCS conference champions gets a conditional automatic bid.  Add in the two highest BCS ranked teams as "At-Large" participants, and you have your eight teams.  The conference champions' automatic bids are conditional on the team being ranked in the BCS Top 12.  If they're not good enough to get into the Top 12, too bad.  If a conference champ can't meet the eligibility, the bid goes to the highest remaining BCS team.

The Match-ups

As a general matter, the teams will be seeded in accordance with the BCS standings and matched-up like another playoff (highest v. lowest seed) creating a gambling friendly bracket.  The only caveat is that in the year's the Rose Bowl hosts the first round, it is guaranteed a match-up of the Big 10 and Pac-12 Champions (provided they're in the Top 12, of course).  The remaining games would then be seeded accordingly.  Most year's it will go smoothly, in the others it will be quirky and interesting and generate debate about which schools are getting screwed.  Either way, not a bad thing.

Once the match-ups are set, the Bowls will then pick their games.  For the first round, the Big Four Bowl will pick first and last while the other two swap each year.  The second round bowls then try to pick the best game based on their bet on the outcome.

The entire process will be an ESPN special followed by 24 straight hours of Skip Bayless debating Stephen A. Smith on the topic.

The Dream


So, if The Persnickety Playoff started this year, what would it look like?

Here are this year's conference champions (BCS rank in parentheses):

SEC:  LSU (1)
ACC:  Clemson (15)
Big 10:  Wisconsin (10)
Big East:  West Virginia (23)
Big 12:  Oklahoma State (3)
Pac 12:  Oregon (5)

And the top two remaining teams:

At Large #1:  Alabama (2)
At Large #2: Stanford (4)

Because of the "Top 12 Rule", Clemson and West Virginia, the ACC and Big East Champions, respectively, lost their spots.  (We know WVU scored 70 in the Orange Bowl but they still aren't deserving based on the season they had).  Those spots then go to the next highest ranked BCS teams:

At Large #3:  Arkansas (6)
At Large #4: Boise State (7)

(K-State and South Carolina getting screwed is a small price to pay to have things settled on the field.)

In a year where the Rose hosted the first round, the games would look like this:

First Round:

Rose: Oregon (5) v. Wisconsin (10)

Cotton: Oklahoma State (3) v. Stanford (4)
Whatever: LSU (1) v. Boise State (7)
Rose: Alabama (2) v. Arkansas (6)

Not a stinker in the bunch.  Think the Sugar wouldn't rather have an LSU/Boise first round over its Michigan/VT pukefest?  Plus get a second game with Alabama playing in its building?

Semi-Finals:

Orange:  Alabama/Arkansas v. Oklahoma State/Stanford.  Picks first and bets on an Alabama/Stanford match-up but gets Bama/Oklahoma State game instead.

Fiesta:  LSU/Boise v. Oregon/Wisconsin.

Title Game:

Sugar:  Winners.

(Our predictions:  First Round:  Oregon over Wisconsin, Oklahoma State over Stanford, LSU over Boise, Alabama over Arkansas.  Second Round:  LSU over Oregon, Oklahoma State over Alabama.  Final:  LSU beats Oklahoma State.)

The Bottom Line

And there you have it, a playoff system that is brilliant in its simplicity and would totally work.  We highly doubt we're the first to ever look at it this way but we're even more confident that it's the best idea given the constraints of reality.  So let's all get behind The Persnickety Playoff and make it THE alternative to the current broken BCS. 

That is, of course, unless you have a better idea.

The Persnickety Project's Year in Review 2011 (Shameful Self Promotion Part Deux)

This shirt would look great on you.
But it would look even better
on the floor next to your bed.
Or at the bottom of your dresser drawer.
Or in the "give-away" bag 6 months from now.
Whatever, we don't care.

Before we start with the highly uncomfortable exercise of telling you all about how great we think some of the things we wrote this year were, we're going to make a humble suggestion as to what your New Year's resolution should be.  Instead of resolving to do something that requires a ton of work and commitment like spending less, getting in better shape or kicking your meth habit, you should just buy one of our t-shirts.  They're awesomely simple, super comfortable, available in all types of shirt and beautifully designed by our friend at the Aggrotank (for all your geek and graphic design-related needs).  But above all else they help delay the inevitable collapse of our delusion that this might someday become something more than us shouting in space.  Don't set yourself up for disappointment this year, leave that to us.

Now, on to the "Year in Review."

Through a highly scientific process in which we browsed our posts and sheepishly asked the The Mrs. which she liked "best" (its all relative), we've come up with our five favorite posts of the year.

Honorable Mentions:  Since The Mrs. remains less than fond of our sports-related musings, these have been relegated to second-tier status.

The Persnickety Project's College Football Realignment Plan

Who cares if it didn't happen.

Hypothetical NBA Contraction Mock Draft

Ditto.

Indignity Thy Name is Eric Chavez

Since it's no fun to write about the Mets.

New England Patriots:  Where are the Studs?

We're totally right about this one.

5.  Tie


Tale of the Tape:  Drug Dealing v. Working at a Law Firm

Douchebag Finds Self in Debt, Blames Law School

The Persnickety Project's Guide to Bathroom Etiquette

How we feel about the important issues in life.


4.  The Great New Jersey Earthquake of 2011:  Where Were You?

Our most controversial post of the year serves as a reminder of one of the most memorable and intense events of the past year.

August.  It happened in August.  

3.  7 Ways to Undermine an Argument by TaxTheChurches.org


Because belittling and harassing stupid people is our mission statement.

2.  The Persnickety Project's Holiday Gift Giving Guide 2011

The Mrs' favorite.  A criminally underrated look at this past season's gift market.

1.  A Review of Spiderman The Musical:  Turn Off the Dark


Last January we were lucky enough to experience the disaster that was the original production of Spiderman:  Turn Off The Dark. (Read our reaction to the reworking here.)  We were so enthralled that we felt compelled to write a comprehensive review that takes almost as long to read as it did to travel to, watch, and then travel home from the show itself.  For some reason its become by far out most viewed post (over 1,000 hits which remains a ton for us) and for that reason alone its our favorite post of the year.

Thanks to everyone for the support.  It is always truly appreciated.