Fantasy Football - You Ruined My F'n Day - Week 3

Eli's decision-making has been questionable .

No speeding tickets last week which means the only real agony we suffered this week came during the Giants’ implosion against the Titans. Most football fans would probably agree that Sunday afternoons in the fall and winter are the best part of the week. Except, like this Sunday, when your team is unconscionably horrible.

We don’t mean they just stunk or lost a close game. We’re talking outgaining your opponent by 200 yards but still losing by 19 … at home. We’re talking watching your team move the ball up and down the field only to turn the ball over at the goal line when a right-handed QB throws a LEFT-HANDED interception. We’re talking adding in another pick and fumble for good measure. We’re talking watching the a WR who went to your very local alma mater but was inexplicably passed up by your very local team in the draft make an outstanding touchdown grab while the guy your team drafted dropped at least 2 easy passes (ok maybe that’s not quite fair but we’re entitled to our feelings AND YOU CAN’T TELL US THEY’RE WRONG). The only thing that saved this Sunday from being a complete washout was a killer sub (turkey, swiss, mayo, salt, pepper and pickles – no lettuce, keep your veggies off my damn sandwich, with chips crunched on the sandwich. So good).

So our Sunday was very much ruined by the New York Football Giants. Who were the other runiers? Let’s see:

1. Devin Aromashodu, WR, Chicago Bears;

Where the hell art thou Aromashodu? In the doghouse apparently. Aroma followed up last week’s “performance” (0) with a big fat inactive. Yep, he was a healthy scratch. What’s more disappointing then having wasted a pick on this guy is that we had just memorized how to spell his damn name. Anyone know where who we can speak to about getting that time back? Cut his ass if you haven’t already.

2. Michael Crabtree, WR, San Francisco 49ers;

Old Mr. Crabbytree. Sitting on his front porch on his front porch in his rocking chair yelling at the kids to stay out of his chrysanthemums no time to catch footballs. Wait, you mean to tell me he’s been playing football this year? Looking at him numbers he might as well be an 80 year old man. San Fran’s offense as a whole hasn’t been able to get going (leading to the first coordinator firing of the year this week). Only Gore has been reasonably productive including Week 3 team highs in receptions (9), yards (102) and targets (13!!) while Vernon Davis hasn't yet caught a touchdown (after 13 last season) or topped 100 yards receiving, Crabtree has been the biggest disappointment. In fact, this week's putrid 3 for 37 actually marked season highs in both categories. He was drafted in the 5th round to be a starter on most teams and he’s killing owners right now. Btw, Crabtree's stats for the season (6 catches, 81 yards, 0 TDs) don't even stack up against the reach-to-end-all-draft-reaches Darrius Heyward-Bey (10, 140, 0 TDs). Maybe the new coordinator will turn things around or maybe it’s just a slow start but for those of us who drafted Crabtree expecting a breakout year, that's enough to ruin your day.
On a side note, am I the only one who has trouble spelling "Francisco" consistently? I can never get the C's and S's right and I spelled it wrong both times I used it here. Maybe I’m just retarded.

3. Jahvid Best, RB, Detroit Lions;

If you plotted Best's performance the last two weeks, it would probably look a lot like the Dow Jones from October 28 to October 29, 1929 (a Stock Market Crash joke, how timely!!). Best set the fantasy world aflame last week with 232 total yards and 3 TDs leading some owners to proclaim him better than their opponent’s entire teams. This week, not so much: 39 total yards, 0 TDs. Honestly though, this is pretty much what we should expect from rookies; they’re inconsistent and that's generally why you don't draft them too high. Best has the talent to be a real fantasy stud at some point in his career but if you own him this year you’d better be prepared for the bumps. Still, after last week we’d guess that you let those expectations get a little too high and Best ruined your day just a little.

4. Pierre Thomas & Marques Colston, RB & WR, New Orleans Saints;

Remember when the Saints offense was unstoppable (32 ppg in 2009)? Remember when Marques Colston caught 168 passes in his first two seasons? Remember when Pierre Thomas was really good? Trick question - that last one never happened. We think it’s time to readjust our expectations on these two. Colston was an early career stud, topping out with 98 catches and 11 touchdowns in 2007 but since then he's has seasons of 47 (11 games) and 70 catches and barely broke 1,000 last year (he did, however, have 9 touchdowns). He's just not a top tier receiver and in this offense Brees is too good at spreading the ball around (8 receivers caught passes on Sunday, 5 caught more than 3) for one guy to truly dominate.

The same goes for Thomas. We’ve never quite gotten the Pierre Thomas love (he went early 4th round in most drafts) as he’s always split touches, first with Reggie Bush and Mike Bell and now with Chris Ivory (from Tiffin University - Go Dragons!!) and has never had more than 1,000 yards or double digit TDs or even shown he can handle more than 150 carries (career high 147 last year). To top it off, he's not even French. It's time to take a step back and reevaluate our fantasy relationship with Pierre.

5. Cadillac Williams, RB, Tampa Bay Buccaneers;

After such a promising start, Caddy runs more like an electric bicycle at this point in his career. Everyone knows this, so expectations are relatively low. Still, now that fantasy has become a passing game, a few owners probably loaded up on WRs early in drafts and hoped to depend on lesser backs like Williams to get them a consistent 50-70 yards and the occasional TD on the strength of their stranglehold on carries. Caddy had done just that the first two weeks of the season but his production came to a screeching halt this week with an abominable 6 for 13. At least you can chalk it up to one bad week against a great Steelers defense, right? Maybe not, now comes word out of Tampa that the Bucs intend to use the bye week to incorporate LeGarrette “Extraneous Letters” Blount into the offense (yeah, this guy - http://www.blogger.com/www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGTYiCqzpcw), thereby reducing Caddy’s load and likely his production. That moves Caddy from the serviceable category to barely rosterable. As least we can safely say it was vaguely fun while it lasted.

6. DeAngelo Williams, RB, Carolina Panthers;

Where do we start with this guy? We’ve consistently avoided drafting, trading for, or even considering putting him on our teams the last several years figuring that eventually splitting carries with Jonathan Stewart would derail his production. Yet, he’s defied our expectations every time. This year we finally started to come around and, at least for right now, he’s defying our expectations again. You drafted this guy to be your #1 back and averaging 50-somehting yards a game just ain’t cutting it. The Panthers look bad and with a rookie QB there’s little to fear in their passing game. You, however, should be afraid (very afraid) that you might have found yourself a bust. At least you can feel better knowing someone else if suffering with Jonathan Stewart right now as well.

7. Carson Palmer, QB, Cincinnati Bengals;

Can we all agree that Carson Palmer sucks now? Sure he was a #1 pick and sure he had a few good years but, he’s gotten progressively worse since he threw 32 TDs in 2005 and last year he was terribly average. This year, after throwing for more than 300 yards in extended garbage time against the Pats in week 1, he hasn’t thrown 1 TD, 2 picks and averaged less than 200 yards passing while completing less than 50% of his passes. This is happening even with all the presumed weapons he has at his disposal on offense (Benson, Ocho, TO, Gresham & Shipley). No more excuses Carson, your production just doesn’t live up to your name. Don’t have your days ruined by a name.

8. Miles Austin, WR, Dallas Cowboys;

It would have brought us nothing but joy to declare the entire Cowboys team a disappointment had they dropped to 0-3 with a loss to the Texans. Alas, it was not to be. The offense finally found some balance behind MBIII’s strong running and Roy Williams pretending he was back with the Longhorns (has anyone gotten less out of more than Roy Williams without completely washing out of the league?). In the (hopefully temporary) euphoria of balance and winning, Miles Austin disappeared catching only 2 passes and being targeted only 3 times. After back-to-back 10 catch, 140 yard performances this is probably an aberration but for one Sunday, it’s nice to say that Miles Austin ruined somebody’s day.

9. Perrish Cox, CB, Denver Broncos;

Reggie Wayne – 4 catches, 65 yards. Austin Collie – 12 catches, 171 yards, 2 TDs. Why the huge disparity? Did 2002 Marvin Harrison take Collie’s spot after shooting him with a rare, vintage gun? Nope. Wayne was covered by Champ Bailey and Collie was covered by Cox (not that there’s anything wrong with that). At this point we all know that Peyton isn’t going to force anything so he took what the defense gave him – a wide open Mormon all day long. All the Reggie Wayne owners sat around Sunday wanting to strangle Cox or at least get him to switch up once in awhile.

10. Groin, Steven Jackson, RB, St. Louis Rams;

We’ve written 3 columns and made a groin reference in each one. Perhaps we have some sort of groin fascination. Either way, much like last week with Michael Turner, Steven Jackson left a plum line sitting on the table when he left after gashing the Redskins for 58 yards on 10 carriers. Everyone knows that sinking feeling they get when the CBS ticker goes by 3 times and your guys stats haven’t changed at all. Jackson just sat there on 58 yards until it they finally told us his return was “questionable”, immediately downgrading our fantasy prospects to “doubtful.” Jackson is a great back but with this team his opportunities for truly big games are rare which makes it just that much worse. Jackson sits squarely in the group of guys like Frank Gore who are not good enough to instill weekly confidence but too good to trade for someone other than CJ, Peterson, Rice, etc. We call it “The Fantasy Deadzone.”

11. DeJeremy Maclin-Jackson, WRs, Philadelphia Eagles;

We’re going to go on the record in saying that unless you’re dealing with the 1999 Rams, no one should be rewarded for starting two receivers from the same damn team, particularly to the tune of 9 catches, 236 yards and 3 TDs. In PPR leagues that’s like 60 points. F U.

Guys to Pick-up

This week we adding a new, unoriginal feature entitled fittingly “Pick Me Up”

Tony Moeaki, TE, Kansas City Chiefs
Dustin Keller, TE, New York Jets
Aaron Hernandez, TE, New England Patriots

It’s a TE triple play. With bye weeks starting, fill-in TEs are important. Since the Jets opened up their offense, Kellar has been phenomenal (13 catches, 213 yards, 3 TDs in two games) and looks to be the Sanchize’s favorite target. If he’s still available unless you have an elite guy, get him now before it’s too late.

Moeaki and Hernandez have made quick impressions as rookies. Moeaki has been one of the surprise receiving weapons of the surprise Chiefs catching 2 TDs in the first 3 games. Hernandez had caught more passes for more yards just without the TDs. If you need a guy, you could do far worse than these two.

Peyton Hillis, RB, Cleveland Browns;

144 yards rushing and a TD against the Ravens is really all anybody needs to see to make this guy deserving of a roster spot. Cleveland seems to like him more than preseason semi-darling Jerome Harrison so why shouldn’t you?

Kyle Orton, QB, Denver Broncos;

We’re not saying make Orton your starter (unless, of course, you were depending on someone like Favre or Kolb, oops) but as a fill-in he’s as good as it gets. His low yardage total this year is 295 and he’s thrown a TD in each one of his games. Terrell Davis is not walking through that door; Denver is a passing team so ride Orton while he’s hot.

Brandon Lloyd, WR, Denver Broncos;

We don’t want to like Brandon Lloyd and judging by his career path, he doesn’t make it easy to like him anyway. Still, his numbers can’t be totally overlooked. He’s broken 100 yards twice and, as we said for Orton, he plays in a passing offense. Take a chance on Orton’s top target.

Marshawn Lynch, RB, Buffalo Bills;

We’re buying Lynch for one reason and one reason only – the hope that some other team will buy him (via trade). Lynch is clearly not long for Buffalo and it appears that his two straight starts are intended as some sort of showcase for other teams. If someone like Green Bay decides they need to strengthen their run game, Lynch is talented enough to shine. It’s speculative but when dealing with free agents, isn’t it always?