Now that "The Avengers" has made something in the neighborhood of $6 bajillion dollars and is being hailed as perhaps the finest cinematic achievement in the history of earth (only one of those is an extreme exaggeration), we figured it a good time to assemble (get it) our 5 keenest observations from the 12:01 IMAX 3D Super Premier Funtime Show.
1. Midnight is Late. Whether that statement seems utterly ridiculous or utterly obvious likely depends on what side of lame you reside on. If we've proven nothing in our time as an amateur blogger, we've certainly shown that it the lateness of midnight should have come as no surprise to us. But just as an early-morning flight from JFK, it was an idea that seemed really good at the time. Unfortunately, as the hour creeped closer, we significantly less convinced. Midnight is
late. And we get sleepy.
We've built a life so focused on ensuring as much sleep as possible, we see midnight but twice a month. To be up
that late is a challenge. Much less to be contemplating going out. So at no later than 9:30 did the thoughts start to creep in. Boy that bed looks
comfortable. What if we didn't go? Would we really be missing
anything? Maybe the responsible thing to do is to not go. Get to
bed early and be ready to tackle the day at work tomorrow. Yeah, that's it. Staying home is a career decision. That's how we'll rationalize our lameness. And those guys
are only "work" friends, anyway. Tonight was probably the only
time we’d have ever see them out of that context. Might as well just skip the awkwardness. It’s not like we haven't sacrificed friends for a good night's sleep
before.
Luckily, we didn't
flake. Mostly because we were holding the tickets.
2. Playing Dress Up. It
seems to have become increasingly acceptable in society to dress like a douche
in your every day life. Big dopey glasses are apparently cool. And layers
of ill-fitting sweaters, second-hand t-shirts and awful hair is no longer the
providence of the homeless As long as your pants are too tight. Still, the only acceptable
time when an "adult" can dress-up like their favorite comic book
character (besides a Halloween party or a particularly pathetic night at home)
is a movie premier. Luckily, whether
they spent good money …
 |
"Excuse me, Ironman?
You're going to need to turn off that glowing nuclear reactor thing in your chest.
It's bothering the other customers." |
... or make their own odd (and
uncomfortable) knockoff.
 |
"Excuse me, Iron Man!?!
You're going to need to put your package away.
It's bothering the other customers." |
The geeks were out in full
force. And it was awesome.
3. Everybody's a
Comedian. Since we don't normally: (1) go to the movies until six
weeks after the film has been released; or (2) go the movies at all, we'd
forgotten how much fun the opening night could be. By 11:20,
the theater was virtually full. And the atmosphere was electric with anticipation. It made the opportunity to see a movie that literally millions of other people would watch in utterly the same way seem exclusive. It was an event. And then the previews started. And the fun energy devolved into a contest of who could yell the loudest thing at the screen. We could bear the shouts when irony-icon Chuck Norris showed up in the preview for "The Expendables
2." But when all the creativity in the room had evaporated and people resorted to simply yelling out whatever happened to be on the screen at a given time like your grandmother reads road signs on a car trip, we were done. That's despite "PARAMOUNT!!" being an excellent and helpful observation for our blind, hearing impaired and/or illiterate fellow moviegoers. If you want to
express your inner funny and make virtually nobody laugh, write a blog like
every other respectable person does. And shut your fucking mouth in the
theater.
4. One Fading Moment. After the movie, the atmosphere remained
electric. As the theater emptied there was an undeniable euphoria and as much a sense of
community as a movie theater in Hamilton, NJ could hold. When
some random stranger started talking to us about the cameo made by the
"scrolls" (or "Skrulls," perhaps. But it totally sounded like
scrolls), instead of pulling our usual "look straight ahead and pretend this
person isn't talking to us" move, we looked vaguely in his direction
and quizzically said "yeah?" It was a MOMENT. Until we reached the parking lot and faced the thing that strips even the most beautiful people of their humanity – traffic,
horrible, parking lot traffic. Soon everyone had returned to their natural state of fuck you. And we were forced to endure ten full minutes of our god-awful “reverse beep”
(yes, the Prius, a car that barely makes any noise when its actually, you know,
driving, makes a constant beeping sound when in reverse. And, as we learned last
week, it never stops) while we waited for our chance to be as big of a dick as the guy who pretended
not to see us attempting to back-out.
And just that quickly, the moment was gone
and we went back to hating people.
5. The Movie. Apparently a movie review requires some
discussion of the movie itself. In an
attempt to as unspoilery as possible, we’ll simply say it was fantastic. Joss Whedon managed to take no less than 9
characters, 4 of whom had just carried their own Big Summer Movies, and gave
them all something to do. No character felt superfluous. Loki was menacing. Cap the natural leader. Thor the semi-conflicted brother. Tony Stark the emotional center with the wit and energy from Iron Man 1, the film that really made this whole thing possible in Iron
Man. He even came up with an ingenious
way to adequately use the least necessary character of all – Hawkeye – and made
ScarJo slightly more than just a pouty face in tight pants. Plus, the Spiderman cameo didn't feel over the top.
And then there was The
Hulk. As the trailer so eloquently puts it - “We have a Hulk.” (be prepared for an endless string of "We have a Hulk" jokes) A Hulk done right. Finally.
If it was possible to steal the show, “the other guy did it.” He easily lead the league in “[Expletive] Yeah”
moments.
And they all
got to play together. The movie
mixed-and-matched each of the characters so thoroughly and effectively that you
could have played “Two Character/One Scene" bingo. Maybe its not the “The Dark Knight”
in terms of “grittiness” and “realism” (inasmuch as a mad who fights crime in a
bat costume can be considered either).
But it was everything a super hero movie should be - huge, fun and, at
times, absolutely hilarious. It exceeded
even our most ridiculous of expectations.
So see the movie. And afterwards, we’ll all go for
shawarma.
