With the crowd as deafening as it could be during a meaningless late summer golf tournament, the chants of "Stev-ie Will-iams ... Stev-ie Will-iams", with presumably five claps in between, couldn't help but make Steve Williams smile as he strode triumphantly up the 18th fairway on Sunday. He had worked too long and hard not to enjoy this moment. Carried too many clubs, opened too many bottles of water, smacked too many photo-seeking fans, and made too much money off the backs of other people's efforts.
Williams, who described himself as a "good front-runner when I'm caddying" then stood calmly as the man he controlled so deftly all week, Adam Scott, sunk the final putt to seal, if ESPN's coverage is too be believed, the first PGA victory attributable solely to the efforts of a caddy.
Williams, a former supporting character who has done everything possible to make himself the story, apparently missed the ESPN memo and reflected on his long history of dominance: "I've caddied for 33 years -- 145 wins now -- and that's the best win I've ever had" Williams stated, apparently delusional from a weekend in the Florida sun. "It was way, way better than those 13 majors I won for Tiger, especially the 2001 Masters when he won what I like to call the "Stevie Slam" said Williams disingenuously "and you can tell him I said that. Not that I care what he thinks or anything. I'm totally over him. Really. I'm having the time of my life. I changed my hair color, got a tattoo I'll soon regret. I feel like a new person."
Scott, the golfer who actually hit the shots and made the putts, described the weekend in uncomfortable terms: "Steve was simply a maestro this week with the way he was on my bag. I felt like he was inside me, like we were one. I was his golf slave. It was amazing." After that response, the press conference ended as the collective media was too confused to continue.
But no golf story would be complete without a discussion of Tiger Woods. After 4 months of inactivity, Tiger returned with an unacceptably uneven performance, finishing an embarrassing one over par and ahead of only 32 other players like recent major winners Charl Schwartzel, Graeme McDowell, Darren Clarke and everyone's favorite overweight Lance Berkman look-a-like Phil Mickleson, none of whom just returned from severe injury. The collective golf world chuckled as Woods, the greatest golfer most of them had ever seen, audaciously contended he would actually try to win tournaments and not just settle for "moral victories." If Tiger has proven anything, he is not about morals.
The bigger story, though, was the ballad of Tiger and Stevie. They totally broke up. OMG!!! The Persnickety Project has the sordid details ...
It was he said, she said, as the former partners aired their grievances publicly this week after avoiding each other since their break-up became public weeks ago. Did Stevie cheat on Tiger in an ironic reversal of fortune?
Tiger says they were only "on a break" when Williams decided to hook up with Adam Scott. Stevie says they were broken up. "I was told on the phone that we need to take a break, and in caddie lingo, that means you're fired, simple as that" said Williams, apparently never having seen that episode of "Friends."
To Stevie's claims that the news was delivered over the phone, Tiger went on the offensive ... through his agent, of course:
"Tiger flew from Florida to Philly to visit ATT National and also for the express purpose of PERSONALLY and officially telling Steve that they would no longer be working together," Steinberg said in the email. "Tiger felt strongly about meeting face to face. Any assertions to the contrary are simply false."
Oh it's personal all right. Only time will tell what happens for these former lovebirds. Will they get back together in the much anticipated series finale? No one knows. But we'll speculate anyway and say no. Rest assured though that The Persnickety Project will be there with all the unnecessary details on this scandal.
In related news, we won a BCS Championship with Rutgers on PS3 and J-Lo and Ben just might be getting back together. Maybe. Probably not. But still, maybe.
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