Employees Must Wash Hands

HOW TO WASH YOUR HANDS IN A PUBLIC RESTROOM

1.  Flush toilet with foot or not at all.  Listen carefully to determine if you are alone.

2.  If you are alone.  Skip to Step 10.

3.  If you are not alone.  Walk over to sink.

4.  Turn on faucet.  Let faucet run for at least 20 seconds or until you've sufficiently convinced anyone around that you have actually wet your hands.

5.  Pretend to wash hands thoroughly, paying special attention to how you are being perceived.  Under no circumstances should your hands ever become wet during this process.

6.  Turn off faucet with fingertips only.  That shit is dirty.

7.  Step to paper towel holder or, if applicable, hand dryer. 

8.  Take paper towel from roll or turn on hand dryer.  Wait 3 seconds.

9.  Discard unused paper towel in trash receptacle.

10.  Exit bathroom quickly before anyone sees you.